dreamt j3ff b3z0s married into my family and was unrelentingly trying to coerce me into baking him shortbread

the only way to begin a story imo

high on coffee unexpectedly dosed with simple syrup giving children a half-fabricated encyclopedic report on Perth, a place I've never been

how could i not buy tomato named this

lil homies

if you’re not rehydrating your beans with a halved head of garlic, a couple onions, at least 2 bay leaves, strip of kombu, some dried mushrooms, a rind of parmesan, peppercorns, pinch of asafoetida, couple dried chilis, and salt, then don’t come crying to me about your miserable soup

the winner of the minnesota spring thaw vibes contest is this guy cruising the parking lot by the baseball field blasting bat dance as the sun sets

last night in french class i said “yes i like escargot a little… i love eating maladies, and it has a lot of maladies.”

going to town on a fresh jar of peanut butter rn

me to a genie wishing i could always be as high as the first coffee or as fuct as the second drink

like everyone else, of all time, i wish i could teleport there

dipping wet clay into wetter clay on a humid night of a rainy week giving big dngaf energy

one of those nights when your braid dipped into the garbage

i keep asking my date “how do you think this date is going?” every time he comes back from washing more blood off his coat

anyone have montréal / québec city recs?

how did this guy know how much i try to avoid things

engaging with this parsley in a deeply stoned way rn

when i say i’m “going to work in my studio” it means i’m going to go eat some of this one cool chocolate bar i keep in there

may you all hear songs you love come on loud and unexpected in bars you’ll probably never even know how to go back to

living w little girls is like, they will raise their feverish head from the sweat soaked pillow of their sick bed and feebly ask: is that a new coat?

love it when u find the perfect outfit for whatever given phase of weather and feeling — and it’s durable, so you can get at least 6-13 days out of it, which is also approximately the appropriate amount of time for any phase

putting on lipstick to post grades

is it even december if u didn’t get a hickey to carol of the bells

just evaluated my sweater collection based on replayability

losing my actual mind bc my video game cat got video game stolen

my favorite part of hosting a dinner party is when you go into the kitchen and eat whatever the fuck you want

scene report

[like someone’s just offered u hard drugs] nah i don’t fuck around w coconut oil anymore

trying to set up my new phone

putting on lipstick to bake dinner rolls

positioned directly in front of a humidifier, disparaging dogs, illuminated solely by a knot of pink xmas lights as the sun sets before five

just dragging this around the house

what are we doing w all these

how it started how its going

disenchanted in the tea aisle

lipstick on my collar except it’s mine

at the emotional mercy of a randomized playlist

the tragedy of shirts becoming perfect right before they fall apart

allow me to introduce