Veep Vance insists that Epstein was a good man because he was simply providing sports referees athletes' medical information that nonbinary, trans, and intersex athletes were not cheating. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance disagrees with SCOTUS on #birthright citizenship because he wants to deport Usha's family for calling him a couch fucker in Telugu. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance points out that he can handle relations with Iran because he spent over an hour with Joy Behar on The View. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance is setting up Usha to be the fall guy when he looks at his 2028 prospects. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance forgets to identify who circles him at rallies. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance wants to deport Afghanistan citizens who helped his fellow USMC vets from OEF to the Democratic Republic of Congo because then they can't tell the world he doesn't know the difference between Central Asia and Central Africa. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance tells the Pope that he must be careful when he talks about matters of theology because he knows more about religion than the Vatican. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance tells the Vatican to stay out of US politics or else he'll come there and make Pope Leo lose the will to live just like he did to Pope Francis. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance says, "Make Election Interference Great Again." #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance applauds FLOTUS for shifting the burden of Epstein's crimes to his victims. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance's favorite song is the Summer of '69 by Bryan Adams. The US flew to the moon and back, fought an unpopular war, and was being conned by a crook POTUS. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance thinks he's winning in Iran while they extort reparations, either by negotiation, or by charging tolls. US financial losses make America great! #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance cries like a first grader because he's not invited to the Good Friday mass since he realizes he betrays Jesus with his existence. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance complies with the "no women in the workplace” commandment set by our puppeteer, The Heritage Foundation, and looks forward to finding departing AG Bondi a proper husband to support her. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance reminds you that the late 1970s and early 1980s were USA's best years which is the reason to applaud the current Iran hostage crisis. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance and the administration recognize their earlier mistakes in allowing women to serve in the cabinet. They proudly announce the departure of another baby doll to her proper role in the nursery and the kitchen. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance states that US military installations have been violence free under the oppressive Obama regime and confirms this must end. White CIS patriots may shoot Black, Hispanic, MENA, and Asian soldiers with as much impunity as ICE or police, regardless of rank! #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance agrees with Secretary Hegseth that US Military Bases must become public schools because guns are permitted there. Ensuring the right to bear arms in US educational facilities makes America great again! #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance will visit Hungary in April 2026 to remind them to vote like it's Nuremberg 1935. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance wishes the departing DHS cheerleader happy pursuits at her new puppy shooting range that our patriotic 2A supporters will frequent. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance had never been booed off stage until the 2026 #Olympics. Before that, he had been booed at on stage only. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance has Usha dress like the couch to get in the mood. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance has ICE shoot moms when they don’t want to step out of their cars to lick his balls. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance states his 2028 campaign slogan as, "Yes We Klan." Thank you, @johnpavlovitz.bsky.social . #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance obsessed over finding Russell Vought a new wife because Vought needed a wife to fuck instead of resorting to fucking all federal employees. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance understands reverse causality, the #FAA, shutdowns, tariffs, and economics because he says that vacation travel has become cheaper because the swimming trunks got cheaper. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance doesn't take it as a punishment that Usha makes him sleep on the couch after fondling Erika Kirk. 🛋️💦 #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance will announce his candidacy for 2028 while simultaneously announcing his divorce. #dontbylikejd

Veep Vance says Usha isn't Christian. That's something he has in common with her. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance says it is "totally reasonable and acceptable" for people to not want to live next door to people who speak a different language from him because the reality is that Usha's parents call him an asshole in Telugu. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance upholds "gold standard science" by appointing his friends, skirting search committees, and officiating weddings. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance reached a Gaza peace deal by mocking Senator Schumer as the "most famous Palestinian in the world." #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance tells people to not lose their shit over the "I Love Hitler" movement because Nazis are just baby boys. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance comes prepared for interviews on major networks, and he's aware who is bribing whom along with the dollar amount promised. He was telling the truth when he admitted, "that $50K bribe never happened," because the bribe was only $49,999.99. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance doesn’t carry $50K in cash earmarked for bribes when the FBI taps him. He uses Venmo or Mir payment systems instead. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance throws tantrums at @pewresearch.org for sampling bias because 8% of the US population has never heard of him while the other 92% know him only as "couch fucker." #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance opposes the 30% tariff on upholstered furniture because they are all damaged goods from dampness. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance gets his nutrition advice from Dr. Pepper. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance takes Tylenol when pregnant women's screams give him headaches. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance encourages you to find a doctor who respects traditional conservative practices. Be sure to ask about leeches. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance encourages pregnant women to listen to their doctors, especially when those doctors are named Nick Riviera, Hannibal Lecter, and Baron Heinrich von Frankenstein. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance encourages everyone to contact their mothers to determine whether they took amphetamine while pregnant. If so, you may conclude that you have ASD. This is how to follow the science. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance urges Republicans to put on the "full armor of god" because he keeps picturing them as couches and wants the belt of truth to serve as a choke rope. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance refuses to fund research on hospital vertical integration and private equity for encouraging wokeness. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance doesn't understand that he is part of that encouragement of that small group who commits gross majority of violent crime. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance's intentions for the interview with Matt Gaetz was not really to talk about how he wants to encourage immigrants like Usha. Instead he wanted to learn how to solicit underage girls like Matt Gaetz. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance flips out that people think #HHS transparency is the same as forcing trans and nonbinary identity on children who do not consent. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance sends his thoughts and prayers to Annunciation because it is not within his capabilities to get his ass of the couch. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance confirms that ICE has permission to ask WA fire fighters for their papers because he has to know that paper really burns at Fahrenheit 451, else he'll burn all books like the House Un-American Activities Committee did. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance assures everyone that it's #RFK (Jr) not #USA. #dontbelikejd