Veep Vance states his 2028 campaign slogan as, "Yes We Klan." Thank you, @johnpavlovitz.bsky.social . #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance obsessed over finding Russell Vought a new wife because Vought needed a wife to fuck instead of resorting to fucking all federal employees. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance understands reverse causality, the #FAA, shutdowns, tariffs, and economics because he says that vacation travel has become cheaper because the swimming trunks got cheaper. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance doesn't take it as a punishment that Usha makes him sleep on the couch after fondling Erika Kirk. 🛋️💦 #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance will announce his candidacy for 2028 while simultaneously announcing his divorce. #dontbylikejd

Veep Vance says Usha isn't Christian. That's something he has in common with her. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance says it is "totally reasonable and acceptable" for people to not want to live next door to people who speak a different language from him because the reality is that Usha's parents call him an asshole in Telugu. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance upholds "gold standard science" by appointing his friends, skirting search committees, and officiating weddings. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance reached a Gaza peace deal by mocking Senator Schumer as the "most famous Palestinian in the world." #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance tells people to not lose their shit over the "I Love Hitler" movement because Nazis are just baby boys. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance comes prepared for interviews on major networks, and he's aware who is bribing whom along with the dollar amount promised. He was telling the truth when he admitted, "that $50K bribe never happened," because the bribe was only $49,999.99. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance doesn’t carry $50K in cash earmarked for bribes when the FBI taps him. He uses Venmo or Mir payment systems instead. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance throws tantrums at @pewresearch.org for sampling bias because 8% of the US population has never heard of him while the other 92% know him only as "couch fucker." #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance opposes the 30% tariff on upholstered furniture because they are all damaged goods from dampness. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance gets his nutrition advice from Dr. Pepper. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance takes Tylenol when pregnant women's screams give him headaches. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance encourages you to find a doctor who respects traditional conservative practices. Be sure to ask about leeches. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance encourages pregnant women to listen to their doctors, especially when those doctors are named Nick Riviera, Hannibal Lecter, and Baron Heinrich von Frankenstein. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance encourages everyone to contact their mothers to determine whether they took amphetamine while pregnant. If so, you may conclude that you have ASD. This is how to follow the science. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance urges Republicans to put on the "full armor of god" because he keeps picturing them as couches and wants the belt of truth to serve as a choke rope. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance refuses to fund research on hospital vertical integration and private equity for encouraging wokeness. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance doesn't understand that he is part of that encouragement of that small group who commits gross majority of violent crime. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance's intentions for the interview with Matt Gaetz was not really to talk about how he wants to encourage immigrants like Usha. Instead he wanted to learn how to solicit underage girls like Matt Gaetz. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance flips out that people think #HHS transparency is the same as forcing trans and nonbinary identity on children who do not consent. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance sends his thoughts and prayers to Annunciation because it is not within his capabilities to get his ass of the couch. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance confirms that ICE has permission to ask WA fire fighters for their papers because he has to know that paper really burns at Fahrenheit 451, else he'll burn all books like the House Un-American Activities Committee did. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance assures everyone that it's #RFK (Jr) not #USA. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance thinks by putting Katrina Declaration signers on administrative leave, the nation will no longer suffer from natural disasters but only from man-made disasters. #dontbelikejd #KatrinaDeclaration

Veep Vance calls sex workers from the Epstein files and then forces them to join ICE, threatening federal prosecution. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance orders to divert flow from the local dam to wash off all the dirt after touching the Epstein files. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance makes the Army Corps of Engineers change the outflows of lakes in Ohio because Usha can't get wet with him as a husband. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance wants WSJ to show the letter because he wasn't a client but rather the underage actor. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance won't admit that he's the one who carried the letter on his body before jumping out of a cake for Epstein's 50th birthday. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance doesn't send birthday cards with silhouettes of naked women but sends sends birthday cards with samples of plush couch upholstery. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance breaks ties for the greedy while Harris did so for the needy. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance drops economic populism from the big beautiful bill because he thinks Medicaid block grants stifle creativity. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance thinks free transportation should be limited to private jets and carts on golf courses. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance chops off people's fingers and tells them to get over it. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance denied Mads Mikkelsen entry into the United States because he was upset someone mocked his face. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance is an amalgamate of every child who vanishes during a Wonka Chocolate Factory tour. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance offers to broker peace talks between Musk and Trump like Oslo did between Palestine and Israel. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance's Number 1 Summer Jam is "Sectional Healing." It's sofa king great. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance wants to ban logistic regression and require everyone use linear probability models. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance thinks that germ theory is only a theory and hence should be treated with skepticism. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance thinks Attack of the Clones is the best Star Wars movie because he filibustered as well as Jar Jar Binks when he was a US Senator from Ohio. #dontbelikejd #usetheforce #sithleaders #starwars

Veep Vance writes in the @washingtonpost.com that he and POTUS are keeping their promise to Make America Assholes Again. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance asks, "Who gave these justices a right to judge us?" #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance's meeting at the Vatican made the Pope lose the will to live. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance bans all DEIA activities but encourages DUI activities. #dontbelikejd

Veep Vance gets jealous when SecDef Hegseth shares his signal chats with his wife but not with him. #dontbelikejd