look for me in the papers tomorrow i'm getting crunk with My Boy over Dinner

I just sent charlie kirk to the phantom zone from the lego batman movie

me: *stubs toe on coffee table* fuck! this has to be the DARK SOULS of tables! bendy: the ink machine

I am a chef from Israel and this is my meal ❤️

dora when she tries to cross the bridge but that hairy bitch jumps out and stops her because he’s a mean peice of shit

what if in the next pacific rim they used a giant mech content farm to brain rot the monsters

i have a crush on a handsome young man named Video Cartridge Game, physical copy

i was the first person in history to master the hands free cum, but then they stole my idea and rebranded that shit as “yoga“

steve harvey: name a binary character who has secret non-binary swag contestant: Frylock from Aqua teen hunger force steve! steve: fry who from aqua team what?! *third place on the board dings and flips* *mr harvey leans on the podium for support and rubs his brow incredulously*

gagoogago hafffgfgjjjjlp 🫡 ‼️ po

my car is powered by special rare green fuel that’s usually only reserved for saint patricks day celebrations and post-game secret objectives

you know what! fuck this! *transforms into humongous mecha earl* *begins destroying the city*

Jobs are dumb why can’t i just fap and play rougelikes until i’m killed by war or disease

aunt glump

the masculine urge to do the super mario ground pound

I like to think that Jimmy Lightning would easily fall victim to Anton Chigur

Earl or no Earl 💵

Earls kitchen UK

minecraft earl mod

earl game engine

i love farming engagement and siphoning gas

my butt cheeks remain undefeated

SPLOOOOSH ‼️

I would TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS

if i had a dollar for every time

mfw when meatwad spills his chocolate milk

find my secret easter eggs

If you cant sleep, then hit a big blunt. Even if you start panicking. Everything will be all right

me watching the cult classic movie 9: finally, a heterosexual movie for us guys without any woke bullshit

i apologize for that irate skeet about undertale, i just had a big splinter the size of a cork in the bottom of my foot and it was making me go berzerk mode.

pen pen triicelon is a perfectly fine game if you ignore the fact that Slenderman was on the development team

how did undertale change my life? it turned my wallet into a wallet with ten less dollars!!!!!!!! *slurps a big gulp from seven eleven* *belches loudly*

can drew gooden please take the earl challenge where he goes bald and magenta and wears only black clothes for the rest of his life

my name is earl and im more popular than the bible and the beatles COMBINED

sometimes i like to close my eyes and reminisce about lost times… francis fallenchungus… hear my cry… awooooo…. but the moon didn’t howl back.

sometimes. the deepest corners of our mind can show us the people we love most the love most the people ❤️

“stop manspreading!” but i cannot, for my dungus has grown an itchy fungus.

I need him to rearrange my internal organs. Not in a sexy way. But in an optimization way

the peanut butter gamer must be exterminated once and for all

whenever i get overwhelmed by how disappointing peggle 2 was i microwave a metal spoon and watch it cast spells in the microwave until i feel better

economy is shambles ever since they revealed barts penis in the movie

they should give steven harvey permission to hit the contestants atop the dome when he gets frustrated and needs to blow off some steam

this country’s been going downhill ever since all those Christmas Tree Shops started closing

Sticks and stones may break my bones but bullets from a gun would kill me instantly

Long day of work. Got home and started listening to Walmart Radio

More like ocean state poop lot

If I was on My Strange Addiction my crippling vice would probably be neon colored gunk

What if cocomelon gained access to some large and foreboding flying saucers. I would be terrified if that happened, I am a naive rural hick that is very vulnerable to the fright of UFO sightings.

I went to the beach and the big crabs pulled my wife like pork, there’s nothing left of her. I will rebuild her with clay and acrylic paint.

Sexually charged artifact from The Cave Man age