Kings Island, Ohio on Sunday night! - Six Flags Management

u got bloons td6? - Six Flags Management

Sorry for the lack of content, folks! Our power went out for several months and we haven’t bothered fixing it, as no one gives a shit anyways! Just pay us exorbitant amounts for necessities such as water (like normal) and everything will be fine. Happy rollercoastering! - Six Flags Management

I can see you reading this. - Six Flags Management

Why are potatoes so fucking good like wtf -Six Flags Management

Happy to alert everyone that in a similar manner to the United States Governmenr, we have begun firing all Emergency Medical Personnel (and pretty much anyone certified to do more than help you park). Happy Rollercoastering! - Six Flags Management

something something gulf of america blah blah blah IT SHOULD BE GULF OF SIX FLAGS. someone good at geography and/or history back me up on ts i know im right bcuz I said so - Six Flags Management

Just heard that MoonPie has declared the State of Florida to now be known henceforth as "MoonPieTown". You fucks, you want war? Florida was ours to conquer, you snuck in before we built a location. Watch your back. Nowhere is safe. - Six Flags Management

In the amusedment park. straight up “sixing it”. and by “it”, haha, well. let’s justr say. My flags. - Six Flags Management

We are glad to announce that our Gold & Prestige Membership systems will no longer actually do anything in or outside the park except charge you $399.99 monthly. For the foreseeable future, these Membership systems also remain uncancelable. Happy Rollercoastering! - Six Flags Management

After several hours, we have successfully taken over 23 separate Burger King locations by force. Casualties were heavy but our employees stand strong. Come fight us, you cowards. - Six Flags Management

Yes, Six Flags managers get a holiday break. No, the employees don't. That's not our issue to deal with! - Six Flags Management

This fucking guy just shit all over one of our parks tf

Ritualistic Cannibalism is nowhere near as bad as people say it is at any one of our Six Flags amusement parks. - Six Flags Management

issue resolved - Six Flags Management

We will happily accept TIME’s nomination for “worst business of the year”. Take that you Twitter/X fucks. - Six Flags Management

even we wouldn’t be that shitty of a healthcare company wtf - Six Flags Management

Security footage from December 2nd shows that UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson was NOT in our park prior to the events on December 4th. Happy rollercoaster-ing! - Six Flags Management

Don’t go into surgery 2morrow. I’m paying a doctor to steal your organs. - Six Flags Management

Don’t come today, we want to have free time too. - Six Flags Management

Unfortunately, all rides are scheduled for maintenance today. It would have been easier to do them on separate days, but we like money. Happy rollercoaster-ing! - Six Flags Management

All ELECTRICITY has been cut & entrance gates have been LOCKED in order to punish guests for not paying us enough money. Happy rollercoaster-ing! - Six Flags Management

Food stands have been restocked! All visitors at any of our parks will now be able to purchase chips that cut up the inside of your mouth even more and make life excruciatingly painful for 2 hours. Happy rollercoaster-ing! - Six Flags Management

big issue - Six Flags Management

We are happy to announce a new policy update! Children and elderly visitors at any of our parks will now pay up to 3x the price of a normal ticket to cover unfortunate costs stemming from increased likelihood of death. Happy rollercoaster-ing! - Six Flags Management

We are sorry for a previous post that celebrated “record-low” injuries at one of our parks. We have been informed that this is no longer up-to-date. Redundant safety mechanisms remain offline. Happy rollercoaster-ing! - Six Flags Management

We have had a record-low number of injuries at our park this year! To celebrate, we will be turning off any redundant safety mechanisms on all rides. Happy rollercoaster-ing at Six Flags! - Six Flags Management