nah, change it to this

Give the Miami Dolphin its little helmet back please

"You think I could trouble you fer another glass of that there Cheetoh juice, feller?"

You could never make Mr. Belvedere today. That’s because every actor knows of the curse that befalls anyone who takes on the role ((you sit on your balls so bad at a table read they have to get you medical help))

I’m starting a globe company. You’re not gonna believe these fuckers.

I’m starting a globe company. You’re not gonna believe these fuckers.

Gonna chokeslam the guy that’s interviewing me

Will Smith is reportedly set to record an Elden Ring-themed hip hop track for the game’s upcoming film adaptation. paletteswap.site/dif...

What if the comedians fought on Comics Unleashed and the winner did a set at the end? Comedy fans win, fight fans win, 11:30 time slot wins, etc

My favorite Hollywood story is when James Cameron pitched Aliens by writing “Alien” on a chalkboard in front of executives. Then he simply wrote “with Bill Paxton this time,” underneath, and they greenlit the project on the spot.

“You see Ben Stiller over there? Larry David? I’m gonna watch the next round with those guys.”

UPDATE: a bird just flew into the window and neither of us moved an inch

We do this for hours at a time

Wrote this for Palette Swap! This poor guy

Ahead of the Xbox showcase, Microsoft issued a recall on the new kicks. paletteswap.site/dif...

If Karg was my friend I’d say stuff like “Heyyy Kargo pants, how the heck are ya?” and then he’d incinerate me or whatever he does

entering the movie theater and pointing to where I'm gonna go sit like I'm Babe Ruth

After discovering I get a lot of things wrong, drink gallons of water, and can’t make good art, Amazon & Microsoft have begun a bidding war over me

wonder how this guy’s doin today

Secret service helicoptering into MC Hammer’s backyard right now talking about “We need you for a job, sir.”

Pete Hegseth crashes through the window like a superhero: “Did someone say literal booze?”

Congratulations to me for being bigger on Bluesky than Michael Jackson ever was 🍾 🍾

I still can’t believe don jr has shooters

ME ON SUBWAY TAKES: In 10 years, all shows and movies will take place on moving subway trains. SUBWAY TAKES HOST: 100%... agree!!

thanks to Palette Swap for letting me cover this so that my week wasn't a total loss

itd be so funny if they made a new Simpsons Road Rage like 6 months after the new Crazy Taxi came out

@parkj0hn.bsky.social is a great writer, and this might be his best yet!

This was advertised to me on my smart tv and brought me more joy than anything I’ve watched on it in a month

I know a current event from last week might as well be 2005, but I wrote about Kash Patel scuba diving at Pearl Harbor like a goddamn asshole

I know a current event from last week might as well be 2005, but I wrote about Kash Patel scuba diving at Pearl Harbor like a goddamn asshole

what if you didn’t know there was a new he man movie

Summer Bachelor Trend: Dousing Yourself in Gasoline to Let Everyone Know You Can Afford It

Nintendo issued a formal apology for a controversial 1997 GamePro ad calling readers fuck faces if they didn’t play Donkey Kong Land III. paletteswap.site/dif...

For the price of your morning latte, you could’ve bought an ounce of legal weed in the beautiful state of Michigan

the levels of bombing on display require safety goggles to stare at

Just found out i'm in The Buscemi Files (it's just ppl that like Steve Buscemi a lot)

Nintendo has unveiled a brand-new bundle to help consumers deal with the price hike of the Nintendo Switch 2. paletteswap.site/dif...

Prolly gonna wear my Mark Roebuck shirt and Mark Roebuck necklace to the thing this weekend

if you're not following gaming news this week, they announced a new Star Fox game & everyone's mad bc they gave him a butthole some are mad about the butthole existing (cuz he never had a butthole in the old ones, they say) & others are mad about specific parts of the butthole and its overall look

Prolly gonna wear my Mark Roebuck shirt and Mark Roebuck necklace to the thing this weekend

Peak pro wrestling was in the early 90s when Sargent Slaughter defected and got really into Iraq and then Hulk Hogan had to hit him in the head with a steel chair until he loved America again.

lmao he just dies I think

DID YOU KNOW: The script for ‘The Godfather’ called for Vito to eat the cat like an apple, establishing his violent and dominant nature early in the film?? However, Brando hit it off with the cat on set, and the scene was changed on the fly.

uhh i just asked AI if there were any good ways to impress Jodie Foster and got some wild advice

uhh i just asked AI if there were any good ways to impress Jodie Foster and got some wild advice

Capcom announced a new update to their iconic classic Street Fighter II today that will allow users to pummel a Tesla Cybertruck in the game’s infamous vehicular destruction-based bonus level. paletteswap.site/dif...