i attempt to be normal in public — and immediately feel like a raccoon wearing a trench coat to buy m&ms maybe i need to skip wearing the trench coat, in hawai’i, next time

ever leave the house — and instantly regret participating in civilization i’m fine

deciding whether to bill or not — is my version of Russian roulette but with more spreadsheets.

you’re not allowed to say “while I have you all here…” in a friday meeting it’s the rules!

if I wrote a horror movie — it would be entirely about Microsoft Teams but never explicitly mention Microsoft by name because i hate them

one day I might finish my to do list — today is not that day

my inbox is a haunted house — every time I open it, something new jumps out and screams.

working from home in my own business means i will charge you extra if you require i put on pants

that feeling when you see someone’s office chair in a Zoom call and realize they, too, have pledged allegiance to the Costco Office Throne

i can prepare a tax return that summons a demon* *now how to word this in my engagement letter

editing my own writing is just me deleting the same sentence 8 times until it stops looking at me funny

i would fake my own death before ever calling the IRS again j/k

my printer has the energy of a raccoon in a business suit

i’m not unwell, i’m just depreciating faster than expected

self‑care is just me staring into the void and hoping it blinks first

i’m fine. like a raccoon in the recycling bin is ‘fine.’

maybe all i need is some lisa frank office supplies

if you ask me to smile more and I do, it just means I’m imagining your demise

i am an accountant. i got loads of receipts

middle age is crying/screaming “pain is weakness leaving the body” while getting a cramp in a place you’ve never gotten a cramp before

just saw someone wearing a von dutch t-shirt and i thought i was hallucinating the early 2000s

i like living in a haunted house—it means i’m never alone

i have fragile pigeon energy

i like running at night — it’s peaceful, it’s quiet, and my survival instincts were never great to begin with

if i get through april 15 without plotting anyone’s disappearance, that’s a win

IIIIIIJMMMMMMMM. FFFFIIIIINNNNNNEEEEE

im not emotionally stable enough to prepare an engagement letter right now. sorry, malpractice insurance

current hawai‘i forecast: expect rain, wind, and a general sense of betrayal.

its cute how my brain panics about pleasing a client I’d be happy to see go elsewhere super helpful

at this point my body is basically a capri sun someone stepped on im fine

my brain kinda feels like it’s airplane mode rn and suspect it’s not coming out of airplane mode until after 4/15 thoughts and prayers for my clients

today has been a really shitty day (im fine, just a lot of back/hip pain that no amount of drugs is helping), but just checked the IRS Transcript Delivery Service (TDS) and some client's W-2s for 2025 have been posted. #TaxTwitter

i like when lawyers say “this law has no teeth” like it’s a law with poor dental hygiene

I LOVE WHEN THE CLIENTS THINK WE MAKE THE TAX RULES LOVE IT! at least someone thinks im powerful

when I worked at a cpa firm, I remember staring at my monitor and genuinely wondering: if I just…peed myself right now, would they finally let me go home

what's a distribution? what's a loan? idk and neither do the clients i hate it here

I guess we’ll set ourselves ablaze again tomorrow… tradition is tradition im fine...toasty, but fine

im proud of all you tax pros who didn't kill anyone...yet

when you see $100k + of capital gains distributions you weren't expecting and are like fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff🤢

hey, if you show up to a client meeting without pants, at least no one can accuse you of wasting time putting them on

we’re all one unknown basis away from a mental breakdown

i wanna start a new linkedin profile where all i claim to do is sell my farts in a jar and i want to proudly call myself an entrepreneur/philanthropist

im at the point where im like "why am i even doing this" and "can i sell pictures of my hands" or "can i sell my farts on ebay"

'tis the season to talk ur accountant off the ledger

idk, it may be just me, but every time i see SPAXX in a 1099, it feels like it should be a porn site and not Fidelity Government Money Market fund BUT IT'S 50.90% TAX FREE FOR STATE

my 10 y/o just announced that Canon in D was written by Taco Bell orchestra is going great

too many emails! thinking of setting my auto-reply to “i have explosive diarrhea”

is it a domestic trust? no, it’s a feral trust

my self care is making a list of people i’m grateful aren’t my clients

current status: it’s like i’m playing jenga in a windstorm i’m fine