When we count up the poor folks who will die in this heat wave.. .. we will mark down the number in our records and do nothing to prevent it happening again next time. #ThisIsWhoWeAre

JUST IN 29 yo died suddenly on stage from natural turbo-cancer-that-was-only-heard-of-in-80 yos-before-but-dont-worry-this-is-normal causes. #TotallyNormalNaturalCauses

As you debate and argue with each other, remember who your actual real enemy is. Hint: it’s super rich people

No one would dare attack the USA with a BIOWEAPON . If they did, we’d spread that shit so fast and make it mild and endemic before they could ever even launch a second attack. Then we’d laugh in their face. 🇺🇸

Giving up all your privacy to install cameras recording you everywhere all the time is a small price to pay … …for the security and protection we can achieve for billionaires.

If they keep violating constitutional rights, Americans might have an uprising. * *uprising on Twitter, irl Americans will just accept it.

They lit up a giant mega cloud of toxic poisonous cancerous smoke and said it was safe enough to go to school and work. And Americans just accepted it.

BOYLE HEIGHTS FIRE If your home is surrounded and filled by dangerous toxic smoke, DO NOT WEAR A MASK. Masks can have bacteria buildup and also prevent kids from seeing your smiles. DANGER !!

WORK FROM HOME PRO TIPS My mental health from working from home had been suffering until I installled a 5 gallon water cooler in the hallway and hired someone to steal my lunches from the fridge twice a week.

Where else would you get your data ?

BOSS: you are all losing your remote work and have to commute every day. I know it’s a difficult change and I want you to know WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER ! WORKER: will you help pay for some of the commuting costs or parking ? BOSS: no, you’re on your own for that

REMOTE WORK: Mental Health Researchers say remote workers were initially very happy with not commuting or paying for parking. However many later fell into a deep depression when they found out commercial office rental revenues were down for the corporations they loved most.

REMOTE WORKERS SPEAK OUT “Don’t get me wrong, working from home is great for health, my kids, my family. Yeah, I get more work done w/o the noise of the office… But I can’t help but feel bad commercial office space values are down $3.9 bil. That’s what matters to my family”

REMOTE WORK DANGERS Data shows remote workers are dealing with the loneliness of having enough time to see their kids, their aging parents, and friends more often. “Its harder than you think. I miss knowing when annual carpet cleaning day was in the office. It’s a lot.”

REMOTE WORK “Working from home diminishes team synergy. Research shows that pooping in the same restroom send biological signals that bonds teams twice as much as the fun ice breakers before starting a meeting.”

NEW BUSINESS IDEA business where I hold your housing/shelter for ransom and if you pay my requirement each month, no problem. but if you don’t, I have the cops kick you and your family out into the streets.

Guy who labels themselves as a doctor on Bluesky and further embarrasses themselves by behaving like one.

Y’all are unserious people. We are already in a war for survival and you’re still just commuting to work every day never once microwaving fish at the office for lunch. #MakeAPaperJamInThePrinter

Unfortunately despite always showing kids their smiles, teachers are finding kids are having a harder time learning these days.* *breathing viruses into kids faces hasn’t worked either

Unfortunately, despite always showing patients their smiles, most doctors haven’t been unable to cure their patients’ illnesses.* *breathing in their patients faces hasn’t worked either

Guy who leaves voicemails for his congressional representatives.

HANTAVIRUS CONTACT TRACING CDC officials say they haven’t heard from self-quarantine patients for “a minute.” and don’t know their whereabouts. “Oh I’m sure they’d call if something is wrong. They’re prob just out enjoying the water parks or karaoke, it’s summer.”

HANTAVIRUS PATIENT UPDATES CDC says they are currently investigating whether the 5G internet signals at the Nebraska Quarantine Center have been making hantavirus quarantine patients feel sick. “We aren’t sure what could be causing them to feel ill. We’re looking into it.”

What are millions of people very sick from Covid infections and millions of others are able to continue to live their normal lives ?

Study after study has shown kids are not cognitively or developmentally impacted by Covid infections. No impact whatsoever. None. Source: Trust Me Bro

JOB SEARCH TIPS People looking to get hired think a good job application is supposed to show you’re the most competent and capable… .. when it’s actually supposed to show you’re the most exploitable.

FIGHTING EBOLA CDC announced an innovative new tool in the fight against airborne Ebola. In addition to hand sanitizer gels, CDC will begin deploying feet sanitizer oil lotions to Ebola suspected environments. “Virus hides on the ground waiting. We stop it at the source.”

Imagine catching Ebola and finding out that Hantavirus patients got to go on a cruise first.

They raised the price of gas to $6 and Americans just accepted it. 🇺🇸

COVID on the airplane : “Masks don’t work for viruses,pussy.” EBOLA on the airplane : “I will sue this airline for not having enough masks for all of us.”

Even if SPREADING COVID IS BAD as the science says and we should be masking in public to prevent spread… … there are 3 things too important to me that I would never give up: 1. My convenience 2. Brunch 3. My DSA membership

CDC Alert Level : VERY VERY LOW CDC says the outbreak alert level is ridiculously low now. “Think of the lowest alert level you could possibly ever imagine. Now double that.”

OUTBREAK NEXT STEPS CDC says they will be consulting with the Delta Airlines CEO in order to determine what to do next.

PATIENT STATUS UPDATES CDC says more patients have now been mildly hospitalized. However there is optimism that even if the ICU is needed they will be mild ICU admissions. The official toll for mild deaths remains at 3.

You guys, don’t stress. We’re all going to be alright. * *unless you’re a poor, then no you’re not

Hanta Virus is not as easily spread as many diseases Unlike bird flu which spread so quickly just from people touching their cocks.* *and hens

CRUISE SHIP UPDATE Public health contact tracers aboard hanta virus cruise vessel report their investigation revealed that only 3 total passengers on the cruise have been washing their hands after peeing this whole trip. #MoreNewsToCome

NEWS OUTBREAK UPDATE: Reports are coming in that RFK jr is currently doing pull ups in a hanta virus filled room.

My 3-step Hanta PREVENTION PLAN. 1. No more bathroom selfies. Hanta lives in pop and pee. 2. Check my Aranet whenever I go on a cruise ship. 3. Enroll in community college. Viruses can’t spread in schools (source CDC 2020) #HantaVirusOutbreak

Why is everyone coughing? #PollenCount

I’ve wondered is there a pandemic happening that I’m not aware of.

I’ve never really needed friends in life. I’m happy to enjoy activities on my own. Until I started to enjoy the see saw at the park.

They should invent a lottery ticket that actually wins.

Anyone else notice … ..that since everyone had to Return to Office and so much team synergy at work was created ..and then grocery prices quadrupled ? #TooMuchTeamSynergy

JOB SEARCH TIPS Don’t worry. Capitalism is efficient. Capitalism is also innovative. You good. 👍

With the LOWER INCIDENCE of COVID currently in some regions… many have been asking me how I am lowering my precautions. ANSWER: I’m not. I continue to wash my underwear every third day. The day you let precautions slip is the day it slips by precautions.

Americans think “calling their representatives” is like asking to speak to the manager at the fast food restaurant. 🇺🇸

🩶🩵 Shop sale 🩵🩶 Oh, to be on a boat on the open seas....🧘‍♀️🩵🩵 If you enjoy calm, peaceful art created by a real person, I invite you to have a browse in my shop. You may just find something that strikes your fancy, AND you'd be supporting an indie artist with your purchase. 🫶

If you’re an American who’s now facing the skyrocketing grocery and gas prices, do not worry… …we have renamed the Gulf of Mexico for you. 🇺🇸

You guys, I’m not sure if the last No Kings worked. Things kinda seem the same to me sorta. 🇺🇸