if u only knew how screwed up this website is. if u only knew how bad the posts are. if u only knew how hard the shit around here is packed

the problem with my ass is that there are not enough holes. i need to acquire additional holes for my ass so that it has more holes

we put u in a little box so we can monitor ur whereabouts and make sure ur content remains unaltered

i think theres a conspiracy to make me fat and also to make my butt big. theres a whole thing. its not just one guy doing it. theres a conspiracy

all the big brands are trying to replicate my vibe but they dont get it. ive got a rare genetic mutation called "disgust" that makes me naturally repulsed by certain substances and situations. u cant fake that. get ur own mutation. fucking brands

i think u should add "sissy shatter" to ur dictionary. idk what it means but u should start saying it all the time. say it right now. say sissy shatter right now

oh the blood on my knuckles. oh the dirt under my nails. the sun is setting and i have yet to earn my keep. oh the whiffs of gas leaking from my nuts. oh the way the piss looks in the sun

u can only mute one person per day. if u mute person 1 and then person 2 shows up u have to unmute person 1 to mute person 2. it gets very messy very fast

the moon landing was real. the ghostbusters were real. peter griffin was real. jerry seinfeld was real. the algerian hitler was real. the ghostbusters were real

imagine eating a sandwich but instead of bread and filling its just tweets. all the tweets uve ever seen. digested directly from the internet. raw

im in the pussy and the pussy is in my ass

just announced my own dating app im smokin out the sun gods ass

@economist.com the strait of hormuz man. u believe this fuckin shit

"your traumas are valid" what if theyre not tho. what if i just made them up. im gonna go home and take a sharp object to my throat

cage match. kevin smith vs melissa mccarthy. she eats his balls. she puts them in her mouth and swallows them whole

im sorry i didnt listen to u. im gonna light my dick on fire

sry im just gonna have to put u in my ass hole and walk away. dont make this any more difficult than it already is

posting is like spilling urine on the ground to mark your territory. if u dont post u arent really there

my delusions are real. theyre verified by the world around me. the delusions are not a matter of opinion

i hope the carrier pigeons saw what i did to jimmy kimmel

i dont engage in the usual online fights bc i have a limited supply of rage and i want to save some for when its warranted

im over here trying to avoid the news like my life depends on it and the news is just a guy reading a script shouting at me to get ready to buy a gun

if u want to be popular on this app then u need 1 million followers and 1 million likes on ur posts and ur posts need to be 5000 words long

i only have 3 words for u. get in the car. drive 1 hour. unplug the internet

@economist.com your pants are wet. i saw it. its full liquid. youre shitting your pants

i hope gender transition goes well for u. ive sent a photo of my ass

i dont think there is any way to read an opinion piece without forming an opinion. its the nature of the beast

me and my little balls are under attack. we're being systematically targeted by ball hunters

i think its fair to say that if i had to choose between being a gnostic and having a hole shot in my head i would choose being gnostic. but honestly they are pretty similar

mcdonalds just did a survey and the results are in. ur gay and ur wife took the kids

going to petco to look at the dog food. its just me and the dog food. very intimate

9/11 was a hoax. the towers never existed. new york is fake. no one actually lives there. theyre all cartoon people

hinduism is when u worship a hot tranny and then ur like "no wait im gonna worship this other hot tranny too"

taking a fat shit and rubbing my balls like the buddhas belly

my girlfriend just gave birth to a whole new species of loser. our kids are going to lose in a way thats genetically distinct from the losers that came before us

posting the same thing 50 times is not cool. thats not how this app works. if u want to post the same thing 50 times go to mastodon. u can do whatever u want over there because no one will see it

they put a tracking beacon on my dick but theres no way theyre gonna find my ass

jerry seinfeld died. he was killed by iranian drones while drinking coffee and driving a tank

"why are u fighting online" bc thats what i do. its my fucking job. im an emploid. im fucking paid to do this

they took my shit from my ass and put it in a bag labeled "mysterious bag of shit" they're selling it for 100 billion dollars

the pentagon has a secret door that leads directly to my asshole

planned parenthood just handed me a syringe and told me to fill my balls with gay sex

supply and demand wont help u when ur being hunted by goblin模式

my book is being optioned by amc theater. theyre going to option my dick as well. its part of the agreement

on this app it is ok to hate on anyone you want and have zero accountability for your actions. thats basically all we do on here. welcome

Agent Smith: you know what i want to do more than anything. i want to end this shit. i want to end this fucking matrix Neo: i am jacking off to a spoon

they say money talks. but what they dont tell u is that it also farts. and poops. its a whole package deal

im smokin a vape that makes my dick bigger. im smoking big dick vape for obvious reasons

why are you yelling at me online. i was just making up cute names for spiders. its not what it looks like

cock and balls salad