Damn, it really did not take long for me to regret being talked into coaching this cotdamned softball team.

I have to sternly instruct our Chihuahua to leave our chickens alone. This is my life.

I'm getting a lot of emails from the gun store and the alcohol store, so I mean....

Help. My. Friend. 👇

I can admit when I'm wrong. Always post through it.

There have been a lot of jets flying around this morning, and you know what that means.

I'm not telling anyone what to do. I'm just saying for the sake of your own security consider not posting through it all the time. Roller coaster coming up.

Javier Bardem is a real one.

All three are on my right forearm, and I'm here to tell you that none of them really hurt any worse than, say, a cat scratch. imo a cat scratch hurts more. BUT they had to shave about 40% of my arm and now my arm is cold as shit dude

I got three tattoos in the last three weeks, who wants to fuckin fight

I never liked Woody Allen's bullshit even before the Schmepstein ghoul papers confirmed he is a total piece of shit, so... zinged you on that one, muthafuckas.

Oops I did it again

It’s been like a week since I accepted the responsibility and already it is literally my second job lol

New coffee coaster just dropped 👇

Few things are funnier to me than people who are like "I've lived in California for 46 years and I've hated every minute of it because of the democrats." Buddy you're living in the most expensive state in the US by choice, gtfo then

Accepted a position as head coach of my daughter's softball team and didn't realize I would be tasked with elite espionage within three hours of saying yes.

Reese's peanut butter cups used to be my shit. Especially the seasonal ones with more peanut butter. A few years ago, maybe even more, I started getting sick, or at least not feeling good, every time I ate one. WELP, it turns out a stupidass corporation cut costs and barely use chocolate anymore

My 9-year-old just theorized that animals were created because whatever was before them was alone and bored. It checks out, my friends. It checks out.

What's crazy about me is I'm mean AND not-religious, so I really have zero incentive to not be mean to people who are mean to me first.

Hate to see people losing jobs to corporate greed, especially people in media. But being totally honest, I have a huge issue holding grudges, and some who lost boxing coverage jobs were personally shitty to me eons ago and I never forgot it.

Dry-rubbed some baby back ribs for tomorrow 👍🤌🙏

Years ago I was detained two days in a row at the border, they refused to say why. Second day they detained my family, refused to allow any restroom visits, again no info. When I attempted to contact someone for answers, they again refused. That was the Obama administration, so cut the shit.

Ted Cruz is in the news and you know what that means. That's right, it's time for me to post that sketch of that stupid ghoul fuck that I did like 10 years ago. He looks even dumber now.

Every time I think I've seen the most spineless, feckless move from a politician, a gaggle of dems trapeze in to surprise me with some cowardly shit in the wake of a completely avoidable and foreseeable crisis.

I'd like to take a moment to thank "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" for gifting me "You see? ...a MAN???" because I use it a lot and everyone always loves it, and me.

When your firefox catches up with the YouTube ads and you can watch the hours-long videos with zero interruptions 🙏🤌

Good news, gang. My book from a few years ago has been archived at UNLV alongside a few other books about cat houses. Bangers like: • The Art of the Pimp • The Brothel Bible • The Official Guide to the Best Cat Houses in Nevada BLESSED 🙏🙏

Being part of the insider boxing fraternity means you have to pretty much just sit there and call every butcher, baker and candlestick maker "champ" regardless of what they say because they met Angelo Dundee one time 34 years ago, have fun though.

Great. My 8-year-old is watching The Princess and the Frog, which means right when the little lightning bug gets his place in the stars I have to pretend to have a bad sneezing fit or ridiculous allergies because I will be sobbing my fucking face off for a half-hour

Can't wait to see how much nothing the dems do about this Venezuela business

An old pal of mine had his tío pass away recently, and his family is trying to raise money to honor his memory ⬇️

people: sir are you ready to me sworn in with your hand on a book that you consider sacred? me: yes

I remember listening to High on Fire years ago and not really liking it, so either my headspace was wrong or some shit because I really slept on this band

This is Doug and he will beat your ass with that bat if you talk shit about my cooking or about boxing history

Cop: you have an outstanding warrant Me: I guess. I mean, it's okay. Some might call it outstanding, though.

Chicken and sausage gumbo and some jambalaya from a local and Black-owned food cart called Krisey’s Kitchen. If you’re in Vancouver, Washington, you need this.

Gonna fuck around and do some cage announcing tomorrow night here in the PNW

Sometimes I just go back to where the chickens are in the backyard and yell “Coop!…”

If that foo is signing an executive order on cannabis you know there's about to be some damning shit released that they want to distract from

Just convinced my 8-year-old that delicata squash was an onion ring and she ate it and liked it. If you think I feel bad about it you’re crazy.

Couldn’t log in for a bit and the app was being weird, but I’m back with a mug check.

Thing about me is

A few years ago when a whole lot of people, myself included, were pretty loud about this whole piece of shit and we basically just got yelled at and called delusional, too extreme, etc. Now those people calling us delusional are doing the fake exasperation thing and I just can't stomach it.

me getting ready for 4/20 easter

Was introduced to some trans folks by friend when I was in my 20s, and it kinda washed over me because they were… just people. Nevertheless when trans rights became a full-fledged mainstream talking point, I realized it was then critical to support those people asafp

Being an adult is buying fruit trees and bushes at the store

No cats were harmed while making this new banger meme

No, I get it.

Early 20th century crimes were different