Who am I, Louis? I am my history I have endured? I am the job I do not want? I do not know anymore. No one has painted me in over 400 years. (I still hate DreamStat saying “Ha!” Here. It will just forever feel off to me.)

Made a little post on how I feel joy & pain are entwined, happiness bound in unworthiness, desire & even agency in sin & transgression for Nicolas de Lenfent, as I perceive it… Y’know, just in case anyone fancies some light Sunday reading! (OMG MY PROFILE PIC SO BIG!) www.tumblr.com/savagewilder...

Happy Birthday Louis, and happy birthday Anne Rice. I just felt like improvising to a favourite bit for you and your love.

“I think to be this happy is to be miserable, to feel this much satisfaction is to burn.” (The vampires gathered for Louis’ birthday. Lestat gave him red roses. Louis danced with his daughter. And he felt…)

It's Louis' Birthday and there is A Party!

Wake me when it’s night again.

I began to tremble all over. It was as if the night were full of howling winds. And there was no place to go. You are saying you will leave me forever if I don't come. Isn't that it? I looked up at these horrific statues. I think I said: "So it comes to this."

I wanted to distill this part to two essences: just Gabrielle’s words… she just wants to be free, folks! Come with me into Africa, into the jungles. Abandon all your valuables, your clothes, the things that link you with civilisation. Come south with me, up the river into Africa. Travel with me as

I'm doin' just fine. And how do I know that? 'Cause the first man I killed called me the devil, and the last boy I killed, the last boy I'll ever love in this world, called me an angel. So, that means I'm on the right path. And that means there's so much more fun out there to have.

“There seemed in him a frailty I'd never perceived or understood. Yet he looked infinitely intelligent, my Nicki, full of tangled uncompromising thoughts…” second failure xxx

There are 2 of these because of crisis reasons, no big deal. “There seemed in him a frailty I'd never perceived or understood. Yet he looked infinitely intelligent, my Nicki, full of tangled uncompromising thoughts…”

Maybe a week passed. When I could stand having other dogs near me, I went down to my kennel and brought up two pups, already big animals, and they kept me company. At night I slept between them.

It was evening. I was sitting on the bed, with one of the dogs stretched out beside me and the other stretched out under my knees. The fire was roaring. Oh, I’m so sad I don’t work in any room with a big warm acoustic at the moment, so sound can surround. Alas.

I got ready for battle. I stuck the flail in my belt, and with the rifle I took aim. I brought down a big male yards away from me and had time to reload as my dogs and the pack attacked each other. They couldn't get my dogs by the neck on account of the spiked collars. And in this first skirmish my

Wolfkiller.

A cascade of feelings came over me as I watched him sponge up the adoration. I wanted him dead. I wanted him all to myself.

Words came out like canaries. Summer fruit in the dead of winter...

Louis.

Louis!

What if on TV we see some last image in Nicki's mind before he goes into the fire, of he and Lestat as young mortals in love? What then? “…for one tiny second there flared a moment of us together in the garret, talking and talking as the moon glared on the snow-covered roofs, or walking through...

When the disillusioned idealist meets the eternal idealist...

“Pain means you are alive. And you have this.” Well, this one is…

BITE. 🦷

Improvisation 666 For the resurrection of Christ Lestat! Sacrilegious 666! Why didn’t I do the happy Nickistat one from yesterday at work (admittedly an hour before anyone is here bar cleaners) and the weird Christ reenactment resurrection of murdered Lestat at home, where nobody can hear?

Decided to share this for Vamptember, even though it's taken from a longer story... but probably most people aren't up for 75K words of trauma... but maybe someone's up for this smaller 7K words of... Of??? archiveofourown.org/works/71318996

Hehe… One in this style for the unhinged glory of the BBC’s subtitling. Nicolas: Come closer to my ear again, I only understand you when you’re close. Lestat: …And on top. If there’s any French in S3, please invite this specific subtitler to translate it all!   Please, thank you. We’re welcome!

I'm not sure if they posted? Let's try again... Lestat Nicki... and my Nicki crocs, hahaha!

While I hang the washing out, is it amusing that I have no Nicki costume, but I do have exact Nicki crocs?! (I use them to hang out the washing 😂😅🐊

Hehehe! One in this style for the unhinged glory of the BBC’s subtitling. Nicolas: Come closer to my ear again, I only understand you when you’re close. Lestat: …And on top. If there’s any French in S3, please invite this specific subtitler to translate it all! Please, thank you. We’re welcome!

The morning light shines upon them...

“…In her body was locked a mind still, an appetite, a blazing spiritual core whose heat had moved through me like liquid lightning…” Feeling somehow fragile today, and felt like taking to the piano for Akasha… but then she demanded a little violin, too… I hate it. But this is what happened.

"You have a light in you that's almost blinding. But in me there's only darkness. Sometimes I think it's like the darkness that infected you that night in the inn when you began to cry and to tremble. You were so helpless, so unprepared for it. I try to keep the darkness from you because I need your

"Nicki, this kind of talk is poison," I said under my breath. "You can't do anything but try to get what you want. You knew the odds were against you when you started. There isn't anything else ... except..." "I know." He smiled. "Except the meaninglessness. Death."

Earlier when he was making the fire, he had said he would never amount to much with the violin. In spite of his ear and his skill, there was too much he didn't know. And I would be a great actor, he was sure. I had said this was nonsense, but it was a shadow falling over my soul.

I could feel the attention as if it were an embrace. Each gesture, each line brought a roar from the audience - it was too easy almost - & we could have worked it for another half hour if the other actors, eager to get into the next trick as they called it, hadn't forced us finally towards the wings

For five to six hours every evening, I lived and breathed in a little universe of shouting and laughing and quarreling men and women, struggling for this one and against that one, all of us comrades in the wings even if we weren't friends. Maybe it was like being in a little boat on the ocean,

My heart was knocking in my throat when I looked up at the darkened theatre, when I let myself breathe in the old scents. Why did you have to bring us here, Nicki? To this haunted place? But then, who am I to ask that? I had come back, had I not?

Nicki has a halo!

For Michele Rice, 1966-1972, on her birthday. I began another IWTV improvisation too… but went to record violin with the piano line I had played… & it had not recorded! I think it must have been Michele’s ghost saying “No! Today is mine, mine alone.” So I didn’t try again. Just you, Michele.

Shh, rest. I've been calling to you for some time. From every bad fix, from the unnamed malaise you feel Sunday afternoons. And now here I am & you can rest. I am the quiet you've been longing for. After all the garishness of life, the jostling, the clawing... the dull thrum of desperation in you.

“I cannot say that we do not love him. For your sake we would care for him even if we did not. But we do love him. And Our Oldest Friend, in particular, bears him great affection. Yet I should remark that in the old times, such persons would not have endured among us for very long.”

Nickimand is whatever you imagine it to be. Does Eleni lie to protect Lestat & Armand tortured Nicki incessantly from day one, Nicki’s end merely the culmination? Does Eleni lie & Nickimand was Nickimanding from day one & the end was so awful because for some years it was… something?

“But N., maddened by the pain and the starvation, for this can alter the temperament completely, slipped into unbreakable silence and remained so for a considerable length of time. At last he came to us & spoke only to tell us that in the manner of a mortal he had put in order his business affairs.

We are joined by a cord, by a cord that you cannot see, but it is real. It is real.

“And when I climbed the steps, I found the gate open and the fields stretching to the woods in unbroken quiet. I loved him. I knew it, as incomprehensible to me as he was. But I was so glad it was finished. So glad that we could go on.

"I had a dream about you,” I said aloud, glancing at the package. “I dreamed that we were moving through the world together, you & I & we were both serene & strong. I dreamed we fed on the evildoer as Marius had done & as we looked about ourselves we felt awe & sorrow at the mysteries we beheld...

Symphony of madness

Symphony of Malice

Symphony of Madness So I’ve done a symphony of malice & a symphony of madness each on piano & violin. Madness is fractured…