Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. -- Aleister Crowley [magic/7]

I'd never cry if I did find A blue whale in my soup... Nor would I mind a porcupine Inside a chicken coop. Yes life is fine when things combine, Like ham in beef chow mein... But lord, this time I think I mind, They've put acid in my rain. -- - Milo Bloom [songs-poems/258]

Take me drunk, I'm home again! [drugs/155]

You can't hug a child with nuclear arms. [kids/145]

You have Egyptian flu: you're going to be a mummy. [fortunes/257]

Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them. [science/369]

Not all who own a harp are harpers. -- Marcus Terentius Varro [art/260]

Oh yeah. Forgot about those. Getting senile, I guess... -- Larry Wall in <[email protected]> [perl/248]

"I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my blender." [love/35]

[literature/262]

If you see an onion ring -- answer it! [food/79]

Double *sigh*. _04 is going onto thousands of CDs even as we speak, so to speak. -- Larry Wall in <[email protected]> [perl/237]

From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. -- Groucho Marx, from "The Book of Insults" [humorists/37]

Two parent drops spent months teaching their son how to be part of the ocean. After months of training, the father drop commented to the mother drop, "We've taught our boy everything we know, he's fit to be tide." [kids/133]

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. [science/146]

> <magical +3 sigh of hyperbole deflection> The branden dodges your magical sigh. The branden attacks you with a slew of words! The branden misses! -- Henning Makholm in <[email protected]> [debian/79]

We're overpaying him, but he's worth it. -Samuel Goldwyn [paradoxum/34]

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. [paradoxum/45]

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is. [science/254]

I put aside my copy of "BOWLING WORLD" and think about GUN CONTROL legislation... [zippy/195]

Men often believe -- or pretend -- that the "Law" is something sacred, or at least a science -- an unfounded assumption very convenient to governments. [law/148]

You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. [fortunes/391]

[translate-me/12]

Motion and Use The motion of the Way is to return; The use of the Way is to accept; All things come from the Way, And the Way comes from nothing. -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching" [tao/41]

Out of the crooked timber of humanity no straight thing can ever be made. -- Immanuel Kant [people/759]

Sorry never means having your say to love. [love/107]

There is no such thing as fortune. Try again. [goedel/32]

Lord, what fools these mortals be! -- William Shakespeare, "A Midsummer-Night's Dream" [literature/120]

* gb notes that fdisk thinks his cdrom can store one terabyte -- Seen on #Linux [linux/219]

One does not thank logic. -- Sarek, "Journey to Babel", stardate 3842.4 [startrek/118]

My cup hath runneth'd over with love. [love/94]

Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through any of its streets. [law/139]

Hors d'oeuvres -- a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces. -- Jack Benny [food/55]

There is no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth. -- Jean Giraudoux, "Tiger at the Gates" [law/187]

Odd that we think definitions are definitive. :-) -- Larry Wall in <[email protected]> [perl/118]

We use Linux for all our mission-critical applications. Having the source code means that we are not held hostage by anyone's support department. (Russell Nelson, President of Crynwr Software) [linuxcookie/90]

"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it." -- Marvin, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" [fortunes/136]

She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on. -- Arthur Baer, American comic and columnist [paradoxum/56]

A lie in time saves nine. [platitudes/45]

A journalist, thrilled over his dinner, asked the chef for the recipe. Retorted the chef, "Sorry, we have the same policy as you journalists, we never reveal our sauce." [news/2]

An ancient proverb summed it up: when a wizard is tired of looking for broken glass in his dinner, it ran, he is tired of life. -- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic" [magic/2]

Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart. Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco. It may even be a bad habit, for all I know. -- Prof. J. H. Finley '25 [education/134]

A kid'll eat the middle of an Oreo, eventually. [kids/3]

Randal can write one-liners again. Everyone is happy, and peace spreads over the whole Earth. -- Larry Wall in <[email protected]> [perl/138]

He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armour. It was gilt by association. -- Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch" [pratchett/0]

Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? A: One less drunk. [riddles/98]

Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up! -- Harlan Ellison [art/308]

For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz. [goedel/10]

Mieux vaut tard que jamais! [ Better late than never ] [translate-me/6]

Humor in the Court: Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? A: Yes, I have been since early childhood. [law/84]