Forest fires: I can’t see any advantages to these. Though by the time you’re in one, you could probably get away with having a smoke if you wanted to relax yourself a bit. Only thing would be finding a flat surface to roll on, but we can worry about that later

Spiders: that’s a lot of legs, are you really any better off for them, personally I don’t think you are, but it’s up to you really. I’ve only got the two legs and I’ve done alright, I saw a snake in the Sklavenitis car park yesterday and he hasn’t got any but clearly can still get on in life

“It is as you say very important to look after the cats, my boy. It’s lovely. But that is a drain cover, not a cat”

Αν έγραφα αυτά που σκέφτηκα, θα μου έκλειναν το ακκάουντ

Οκ

A group of people I have always had a lot of time for, is the goats

The sight and sound of a septuagenarian thrusting a mop around the kitchen to this earlier. “You need a hand? Άσε με να σε βοηθήσω” “No my darling, actually this is what I do all the time”

🕊️

🖤

An experiment in taking part

They didn’t just make blinds

Often undermined by metaphors

Steamy windows

We’ve been here before

Not a difficult one

Κυπριακά-o’clock

Behave yourself

Some of these

Just popped into a pub on Canal Street and fairly sure Priti Patel was on one of the TV screens. Look, I’ve had a busy few days

Just reminded of how me singing along to this on Choice FM while I made us coffee many thousands of years ago prompted the Australian gentleman I was dating at the time to ask strategically “do you listen to music like this all the time”. Reader, I married him

Yesterday’s medicine was very medicinal, thanksyou

Παρασκευή

Αχ θα τρελαθώ με αυτό το σκυλί 🥺

Οι άνθρωποι δε θα σταματήσουν ποτέ να με εκπλήσσουν and not in a good way

What I choose to do is surround myself with success, because sometimes it rubs off on you

Where the salt comes from

NEW FIEND

Didn’t we do well yesterday

ΠΑΜΕ

Heavily invested in the cafe culture

DON’T BE MESSING ME AROUND PLEASE EBAY YOUR MAIN TING IS MY SIDE TING

hallo, would you like to see a picture of a tree in a field

Same old really

Κάτι πάει πολύ στραβά με αυτή την οικογένεια

STOP FIGHTING EACH OTHER LADS THAT’S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO DO fackinell every time

The fresh air does you good. Doesn’t do me good though

So I said you don’t hear a lot about the ozone layer these days do you and she told me to wind my neck in. Classic tall poppy syndrome, she can’t cope with no ideas people

Noice

Just seen a car sticker which said ‘pass horses wide and slow’ and my first thought was how horrible it was for him when my friend was trying to pass a kidney stone. You can drink all the water you like but it would have to be very wide and very slow if you were trying to flush out Desert Orchid

“Look at him, turning his nose up! You think you’re too cool for school you do!” LISTEN TO ME YOU STUPID BITCH I LITERALLY DID NOT GO TO SCHOOL I WAS BY DEFINITION

You can have either of these

Making the author of a book on Russian Orthodoxy smile by asking when Russia will get its President Makarios and then semi-legally easing half of Cambridge through a red light with the poise of a Bolshoi ballerina on my way home is about as on-brand a start to the weekend as I can muster

No good can come of it

I’m more malleable and less quick-tempered than people expect but when you tut and roll your eyes because I said no when you asked if I could check the translation of a non-work email because “Greek and Spanish are similar aren’t they” then you’re gonna absolutely fucking get it mate

And the town of the Royston

The village of the Barrington

Αγίου Γεωργίου σήμερα, motherfuckers ⚠️

Cannot emphasise strongly enough how irritating it is when journalists garnish successful people’s biographies with the phrase “not bad for a girl/boy from [name of town]” when you’re an exhausted former shoplifter from the place where they discovered DNA

• build a bridge and get over it • not my job to educate you

Someone’s been moving things around in here. Either a family member with a key, or a big burglar. If it is criminality and you are the tea leaf, can you not be breaking and entering please because if you do do that and I’m indoors, I will get you to help me put the cat carrier in the loft. Thank you