Stephen Hawking said in that advert for specs that he liked to sit there and stare at the stars. I looked at the label on some mineral water earlier and thought where the fuck is ‘chase spring’

Going to the gym, talking about going to the gym, talking about other people going to the gym, posting about going to the gym, complaining about the gym

We’re back in business

The United Kingdom of just raising awareness

Nobody needs to see you in the lake

We’ve always been interested in different things if we’re honest with each other

Keeping myself busy, y’know

And yet many of you seem to be excited about the work of the billionaire American victim/musician

Something for everyone here, as long as it’s one of these

Bit of this again, bit of that again

Fully at peace, somewhere new in our country

You cannot spell Catholicism without ’smol cat’

This is a good idea

Still there

Show me your library card (do not)

Checking the forecast

Refuelling

These two are definitely plotting something

An afternoon constitutional

Let’s keep it light

Structural fiends

The dollar is too strong

Over this side

“You look better in real life than you do in your photos” αυτό που πίνει αυτός πρέπει να είναι πολύ καλό

Αυξημένα επίπεδα κορτιζόλης

Listening mode

She’s a plant

Έτσι

Tired arches

I should call him κτλ

Τι είναι το brand awareness; My lovely new fiend didn’t really care

She always knows

The filler sentence “not bad for a boy/girl from [insert name of city]” makes me wince

Noisy, smelly, slow to get going on cold mornings, overdue for replacement, still reliable if looked after

Used to be a good pub on the left

“Of course it’s not zero emissions. Look at it as…fun emissions! No, it’s not ideal.” Everyone so overcome by my industry-standard defence of hydrotreated vegetable oil in place of diesel that they’ve literally got their heads in their hands. Takes a lot out of me, being this good

Sad for Sir Keir that my relatives in the northern suburbs of this city armed only with Facebook and a bottle of Echo Falls can spot someone who’s too close to a big nonce cunt more effectively than he can

Roadside nice fiend

Kindest regards, warmest regards, kindest warm regards, warmest kind regards, regarded warm kindness? What a load of bollocks. Best wishes

“YOU GOT ANY TATTOOS GEORGE” “No mate. Artwork wouldn’t improve this wreckage” “DON’T SAY THAT ABOUT YOURSELF MATE. IT MIGHT”

In my mind, I try and copy the lovely Somali lad I used to work with, who’d always politely (and unnecessarily) murmur “Georgie, I am just going to speak to my friend here in our language”. What materialises is DON’T FUCKING FROWN AT ME I AM SPEAKING THE GREEK LINGO TO THIS WOMAN WHO MY AUNTIE KNOWS

Ring count?

Shy local fiend

A list of qualifications as long as your arm, but they don’t make eye contact! Quite impolite actually

Quite small but my big mate

Just tapped on a woman’s car window. I says to her, look out darling you’ve shut your dress in the door. She goes OMG THANKS BABE WHAT AM I LIKE. I says, you’re fine we’ve all been there haven’t we

Second selfie of the weekend, apolologies

something it has been all day

[Never As Good As The First Time playing in the car] “Oh Sade, George. Lovely. Think of all the babies her music’s brought into the world” “And the gays like her too. Think of all th-“ “Yeah yeah yeah alright alright”

I don’t know her music at all but Belinda Carlisle always makes me think of the Ellis Island scene in The Godfather. “What is your name son? Tua nome?” “Belinda Andolini from Carlisle.” “Carlisle. Belinda Carlisle.”