nurse asking me if I slept well despite knowing damn well they just woke me up like four times between 11:30pm and now. fuck you mean "slept well"

charli xcx voice: I think im gonna meow in this house

emotional in the hospital beds because friends traveled very far to visit me and spend a couple hours with me 😭

awfully cute to be stuck in a hospital room tbqh

guess who's up and sitting in a chair. this bitch

got my first actual look at everything down there. eeeeeeeeeeee

also unrelated but when they took my height during intake i measured at 5ft 10.6in. I lost almost another whole inch of height

shout out to this fuck ass nurse that just slid my TV all the way to fucking kathmandu and then didn't move it back, so now not only can I not reach it but I can't even watch it lmao

they took the epidural out. free woman on the land

nurse comes in "are you watching the world cup?" hell yeah i am "you go girl"

yo....i have a fucking pussy now. let's go

how many people do you think are eating the hospital cafeteria butter crumb cod

nobody warned me gas can get trapped in your fuckin shoulder and feel like you're being stabbed with a big ass knife what da heyll

being in a hospital bed fucking sucks my back is killing me

at hospital. lost penat post mote later

the girl who Lived. that's what the fuck im talking about

sup bitches

today's the day. walking out to the car with rollin (air raid vehicle) playing like im stepping up to the plate to hit a walkoff home run

new film idea, it's called Thank You For Sucking Me Off but its directed by the guy that did Trainspotting. danny butthole or whatever his name is. this will be perfect for The Weinstein Company

eating a massive mcdonalds meal right now and then lying to the surgeons about it and immediately aspirating on the operating table

i love when illegal sports streams have chat boxes next to them. i missed all of whatever argument was happening but i tuned in at the right time because i cannot stop fucking laughing at this

hi tuuk. i wish i could give you a big hug right now. every moment is the gentlest requiem for you. in an alternate universe you are resting in the sink pawing at my shoulder right now

i drank the whole bottle AND took two dulcolax and i don't feel shit!! im built Different

i bought the AMONGUS POTION from the DARK WEB

the dawn of the final day .....24 hours remain

elder grohlls online and it's just an MMO where every character is the drummer from nirvana

older scrells unline

does anyone want to play battle for middle-earth 2 with me. i have the 1.9 patch and gameranger all installed and ready to go

yesterday i ate jumbo fried shrimp with spicy peppers and lemon garlic sauce, mexican street style tater tots, fried pickles, garlic wedge and fresh naan dippers with harissa tahini and beet tzatziki, and lobster roll sliders on potato buns. it was so tasty

im going to put a glade plugin in my pussy

two days......two minutes to midnight

♪ group D champions at the 2026 world cup, you'll never sing that ♪

this was a lie one friend met me there and another friend ended up getting out of work early and meeting us there later so there were TWO friends!!

paraguay vs turkey

dude i wanna do a full set of eurodance. eiffel 65 got me feeling emotional no joke

back in time in my time all the time

now that the episode is finally out i can say that Attack From Mars pinball is officially Amazing Digital Circus canon. unforuntately that girl is NOT playing pinball that DMD is clearly showing a game over screen bb what are u doin #tadc

USA have made the group stage on some straight up shithouse bullshit but I'm fucking vibing

world gup

bullseye shrimp, fresh tomato, pickled peppers, lemon-garlic sauce

i look good as fuck in my ripped jeans and eiffel 65 shirt

today i am playing WAR AND WARRIORS: Joan of Arc (2004) this game has a weird mashup of third-person action combat, first-person arrow shooting, and even some top-down RTS style management. it's janky as hell, it looks like shit, but FUCK ME am i having a good time

hospital called with my arrival time. 12pm!! im gonna be so hungy

3 days....half life 3. it's real

the guy's last name was fuckin Hitchcock hahahahah what an ass!!!! alfred SHITCOCK!!!!!!

someone should buy me a switch 2 to celebrate The Big Day. that would be so sick. imagine how good u would feel buying me a switch 2

call me taylor swift the way im about to have a blank space in 4 days

ive. got. cyco vision

when i was in college my dorm room was literally directly across the hall from the RA and we smoked so much fucking weed in that room it's a miracle we didn't all get expelled

she touch on my pod til its inner fluids ripple. awesome