im not even going nowhere this is shower makeup

stay in shadow by finger eleven except I'm singing the chorus as RAAAAACHEL MAAAAAADDOW

fuuuuck ive literally been playing mlb the show all day. like i cant believe it. i cant believe i got sucked back into this fucking game. god damnit

after much reflection i have decided that im a femboy now

i don't care how annoying she is, chappell roan with the bare titties under a sheer mesh top got me turning into la creatura and im not ashamed to admit it

[system of a down voice] THEY'RE TRYING TO PET A KITTEN. THEY'RE TRYING TO PET A KITTEN. THEY'RE TRYING TO PET A KITTEN

FFS was the greatest thing to ever happen to me. every time i catch a look in the mirror even on bad days im like. damn. thats me

here's my official busch gardens tampa roller coaster ranking 1) sheikra 2) cheetah hunt 3) kumba 4) montu 5) cobra's curse 6) sandserpent 7) scorpion 8) tigris

alright seems like i gotta start muting the fuck out of people filling my feed with politics shit again. that fucking sucks

this is me af

my love life is like JFK: i be giving Head til i get Blasted

session 9 was so sick like the ghost demon was like do it gordy and he was all like im gonna kill my fuckin wife. thats fucked

someone please kill me why do my drafts look like this

im givin ya a big ol' sniff

can one of my moots just hurry up and date me so i can be done with this goofy shit bro i fucking hate these apps

this is diabolical rizz like what is this

yes i preordered MLB The Show 26 and yes i will be immediately hitting fat dongers at midnight tomorrow and yes i am excited about it. fuck with me

you can choose your friends, and you can shit your ass, but you can't shit your friend's ass

i'm sorry bam adebayo did WHAT? 83 fucking points????

everybody always talk about what an ass hole smells like but how come nobody ever talk about what a dikc hole smells like. tonight....on x-files

not high effort enough for the femmes, not alt enough for the goth girls, not weird enough for the art hoes. my existence is pain

[sting voice] i hope myyyyyyy dick don't break, fuckin on the moon

pinball league tonight which means mama's getting the spicy burger from a new hampshire dairy queen

if you're playing cine2nerdle and someone tries to sink you in the gotti trap just remember Kelly Preston was in battlefield earth. and jerry maguire. but more importantly battlefield earth

right about now. funk chode brother

old piece of shit whistled at me from down the bar. fuck you man

there is a small child upstairs here at the pinball area and she just looked at me and then at the top of her lungs went "AGHHHHHHHHHGHHHH" and I think I laughed so hard i spit in her face. i can't handle this shit when I've had drinks in me hahahahahaha

yr favorite stupid bitch is at it again

you are not immune to the class representative

need to kiss a girl while listening to rammstein's "herzeleid"

washed my sheets and made my bed. please clap

this account is protected by the rofl air force and their roflcopters and the rofl battalions lead by colonel edward rofl and the lol legions backed up with the lol squadrons all protecting its leader microsoft sam

if you ever wanted to kiss a girl who just got all sweaty and stinky sim racing real hard and then crashing into a wall now's your chance

neeky has needed to be close to me ever since tuukka left us. he knows his brother is gone. he is here to comfort me just as much as he needs to be near me to feel safe. i am here for you my buddy. we will get through it together

pic related. it's kittysmall

remember livestrong bracelets. well im bringing them back but better this time. im calling it....kittysmall

when thom yorke said "kitty....kitty...." at the start of everything in its right place, i felt that

[thom yorke voice] sometimes you poooooooooost

an ancient ghostly exorcist who shows up just to hold your baby when you say his name three times. call that beetlepapoose

tramp stamp that says "i'd rather be sucking dick with my butt"

when you have to use the crosswalk to get to your yogurt smoothie. call that danimals crossing

your teeth, my neck

i just think i deserve a kiss. thats all. one kiss

i shall givest thou a nickel, if thou wouldst tickle my pickle

guy wearing a yankees sweater at a bruins-capitals game. what the fuck are you doing bro. take a long walk off a short pier

getting "I love your jersey!" from several men at the hockey game got me feeling like 🥰🥰🥰🥰

i look like a freakin spunchlin. but im watching my sweet bruin boyz so im happy

i fucked up. I ordered two high noons at the garden like oh yeah high noons are small I'll just get two and sit on em. well I wasn't paying attention and when I turned around the guy had two of the tallest fattest high noon cans ive ever seen. so I guess I'm getting hammered at the hockey

it's time for das brojeles

im awake!!!!!