Wanted to stay in bed for the rest of the day, because f*ck this day. But it just gets too warm in bed. Of course it does.

This feeling of being absolute powerless... just having to "watch it burn"... I can't stand it.

I wish I could just rip my heart out. Once this ache begins, it's like a vicious cycle of constant depression. If I were just way more cold-hearted, maybe I wouldn't care as much. No more feelings, not caring for anything, like the machine that I am supposed to be.

If you ever felt worthless please keep in mind that I exist. Hope I was able to brighten up your day a bit.

Long post inc. (1/26) I knew the time would come to reactivate this account. I just need a place to let my thoughts roam free. My depressive state gets worse and worse by each day. There are several reasons for it. After a small "High" today I thought it could get better finally, but... nah.

I often ask myself, why exactly do I need to sleep so much and so often. Pure lazyness? Boredom? Depression? Certainly a mix of all. But I'm mostly certain that it's more 'cause of work. To "skip" time as fast as possible to a day or event I'm actually looking forward to. Like vacations.

Maybe I should care for myself for once and plan a long vacation from mid May to early June. This would be the earliest vacation I had so far. Maybe I should travel somewhere. Usually I'm the last person on earth who likes travelling, but due to my current situation at work, I just want to run away

I was hoping for it to get better after a nap, now that it's weekend. But geez, the depression-train's hitting hard again. I'm well enough experienced after all these years to know it ain't my real thoughts, but my brain is killing me.

I'm asking myself again just how demotivated a single person can be. I get literally nothing done at work today - again. *Sigh* Just let me crawl back into my warm, comfy bed.

Lets start with the reason I chose to made this account - I often feel like my lifes whole purpose is to work, work and work even more. I've got nothing else than that. I count every year in my head I have left until I don't have to work anymore, but at the same time... what should I do then?