We all know trees help provide shade and cool us down but these days roads, housing estates and HS2 are more fashionable. So why not plant a tree in your backpack so you can carry shade around with you all day? #heatwave

Spend all day saying 'warm enough for ya?' to everyone you meet like it makes any bloody difference #heatwave

Avoid saying really lame things in a group situation. You'll only get hot from the embarrassment. Just me maybe? #heatwave

Keep an iced bucket of water under your desk at work and dangle a bollock into it. Alternatively, strap an ice pack under a boob. Just the one, mind. We don't want to overdo it #heatwave

Although it's disappointing, try to restrict physical activity during the heatwave. I, myself, like to do several rounds of the hokey-cokey of an evening, however tonight I will be playing pass the parcel instead #heatwave

A hot day is a great time to get your washing out on the line, especially if you're pegging a few towels out so you can run headlong into them to give yourself a refreshing facial spritz #heatwave

Try shouting insults at a pigeon so it gets all upset and flaps its wings at you, creating a pleasant breeze... Well, it's not pleasant for the pigeon. Maybe check how it's doing before getting too personal #heatwaveuk #heatwave

If you can't sleep tonight, try laying on top of your covers. There's a risk it'll be easier for the monster under your bed to whisk you away, but putting a little napkin over each foot should be enough to confuse him #heatwave

Is there a feeling like jamming a cold wet paper towel up your nostril on a hot day? YES! Jamming a cold wet paper towel up the other nostril! Try it and thank us #heatwave

Wearing a rucksack can cause what feels like a lake to form in the small of your back which may attract passing swans. Try carrying everything you own in your hands instead #Heatwave

Avoid love-making. It will make you both hot and bothered. No touching yourself either unless it's with an icy flannel #heatwave