Just spent a solid ten minutes listening to my kid make fart noises with his armpit

“WHY did you DROP out of YALE?”

The kids’ school being Spanish Immersion is great until they need help with math homework and not only do I have to figure out how the hell to do the math the way they want it done, I also have to translate it first

Can you lock Apple Watch settings? Kid wears one to see his blood sugar numbers but I swear to god he moves his wrist the wrong way and suddenly the watch face is a different color, it’s speaking our loud, and the numerals are no longer Arabic ones. How does this stop?

I continue to beg y’all to utilize your public library. I just took the boys to a circus class where they walked a tight rope, juggled, spun plates, etc. they had so much fun and it was FREE!! But we were the only ones there

Dosed the kid’s insulin for Cinnamon Toast Crunch and then he decided he wanted magic spoon instead. Guess we’ll see how this goes 😵‍💫

Happy birthday to Sir Frederick Banting! Forever grateful for his contributions to the discovery of insulin. Because of him our child gets to live a full, happy life. Happy World Diabetes Day!

I guess I should start figuring out thanksgiving dinner

Tomorrow (Friday) is World Diabetes Day. Wear something blue if you’d like to show your support 💙

Is it just me or are instagram stories being weird? Like flipping through really fast

The boys were gifted little labubus yesterday. One of them was thrilled and has barely put it down, the other refused to have it in his bedroom last night because he thought it might come alive and kill him

What the fuck are we doing here

Bring these back

People are really testing my limits today

Repost with an iconic fictional band

Was just cleaning up my little garden area outside and the smell transported me back in time to this:

Wasn’t her whole thing that she wasn’t actually going to law school first? What did she expect?

I only recently started shopping Ulta and I’m annoyed I didn’t start earlier. The rewards program is great, they always offer tons of freebies, and in one spot I can grab the cheap eyebrow pencil I like along with the expensive face sunscreen I like

But why?

Please tell us what the Constitution says, Mr. President

Remember a few weeks ago when my kid was sent home from school because his aide was out and they said they couldn’t guarantee his safety? She was out again today and another aide took care of him all day and even dealt with a birthday party and cupcakes in class no problem 🎉🎉🎉🎉

I think one of my biggest pet peeves is when a package says “tear here to open” but when you tear it there it doesn’t fucking open

Wanna know what it’s like having boys for children? One of them just said goodbye to me this morning with, “hope you fart a lot at work today!”

Thought maybe I’d take the boys to the movies tomorrow since we have off but there’s not one kid-friendly thing playing right now

This fucking guy

Do we need any more evidence of how evil these people are?

I’m sure he’d appreciate an apology from him but I don’t think it was maybe as bad as it seems? I’m not really sure to be honest

One of the boys is currently perusing the Williams Sonoma catalog to see if there’s anything in it he wants for Christmas

Kids asked for hot chocolate which is really their way of asking for whipped cream and marshmallows

These kids are still waking up in the 5 o’clock hour. Abolish the time change.

The district wrote to parents and staff that school leaders are developing dismissal plans to ensure students can return home safely this afternoon.

Did we get a verdict in the sandwich case yet?

Glad to work in a place where people are happy about last night’s results and will talk shit about the losers

I really hope he ends up being all that we hope he’ll be

You ever making dinner and it just smells so good that you know it’s gonna be excellent

“I could smell the onions and mustard” is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard

Absolutely not

I can hear the boys in one of their bedrooms discussing the time change.

Was I awake at 4:15 this morning? Yes. But was it the first time I slept through the night in like 3 weeks? Also yes.

Lame

Oh my god

That was awfully close

OH MY GOD

Shit

Oh my god

It’s nearly impossible to explain the clocks changing to children

My October books:

My god the kids got a lot of full size candy last night

My child just woke up and half asleep said to me, “Mom, I know who’s going to win today. The Blue Jays.”

People think Halloween is bad for diabetics because of candy causing high blood sugar but the reality is I just spent an hour and a half battling my kid’s low blood sugars because all the walking from trick or treating made him so sensitive to the insulin he had on board