Who shall we call an Exalted March upon today? Perhaps we should take a vote...

The only person who will be getting launched is Varric. Out of a trebuchet.

Nalia the Nookie Spirit. Cassandra greatly disapproves.

Because they know I would crush them.

I apologize. I closed my eyes to take a nap and suddenly it was no longer the Dragon age.

None of you can spell. Embarrassing.

Absolutely — AND I MEAN IT — do not.

...did I just see a demon?

The Blessed Andraste Herself says "trans rights."

Deal. With. A jar of bees.

Why do I feel like I have seen that goat before...?

(SIGH.) I shall never be invited to visit the Lighthouse at this rate.

We can only restore order by getting chased by Cassandra.

What in the name of the Maker is going on here?

(Gasp.) The Maker has returned "for realsies" as the children would say.

It appears that I was right all along, that neither spirits nor demons are to be trusted. (Disgusted noise.)

Every day I wake and- (Gestures broadly.)

"Bob's Your Uncle" is a little ficlet of male Hawke visiting Isabela in Rivain sometime during the events of Veilguard. Taash is there to make things awkward and also because I love them. archiveofourown.org/works/62168710

"Woo-o'-the-wisp" is a Neve/wisp pairing in a way that amuses me but is also NOT weird or bad (but I had the pleasure of being the first to use this tag so I'm sorry). archiveofourown.org/works/62057338

we saw you from across the ruins and we really dig your vibe. can we buy you a drink?

To: Inquisition Staff CC: Commander Cullen RE: Inquisition Trebuchets The trebuchets have been set up in advance of next week's war games. DO NOT load unauthorized objects into the trebuchets. DO NOT shoot the trebuchets without express approval from the Commander or myself. -Cassandra

What's that smell? Tevinter butt magic?

Has becoming an abomination become trendy? Perhaps I shall try it.

Are you poking fun at me? Just because I was raised in the Necropolis... (Disgusted noise.)

@solvingcapers.bsky.social I would like to join your detective agency.

Awkward (Intrigued hiss) *sips tea*

Who will I punch today?

(Elevator music starts playing.)

I have no ship. In fact, I dislike sailing entirely. I shall remain here, on solid ground.

Scars remain, but they are just... formalities, no?

What was I doing while Varric and his Veilguard were saving Thedas without me? [Wrong answers only.]

The Inquisition will defeat Corypheus by getting chased by Cassandra.

Perhaps I shall write a romance story about Sera. I am certain I do not need the assistance of my editor for this.

Masks are for Orlesian balls. I am glad you have all come to your senses.

I have been too occupied of late to do any writing. (Collapses dramatically onto a chaise lounge.)

The Maker has turned his gaze from mankind again??? (Collapses to her knees in woe.)

You should all be doing less hinting and more fighting demons.

Would that I could be the Maker's Special Chosen.

I am taking a vacation. Immediately.

(Looks at Varric.)

If I am not excommunicated in the morning it shall surely be a miracle. 🥺

I have a bad feeling about this.

(Peers at the Maker.) Something is not right here. Perhaps it is my imagination...

You W H A T.

W H A T ... ... ... ... ... I WON AN AWARD! :D :D :D :D :D

(Starts dancing awkwardly while trying to inconspicuously cover herself with her arms in a very conspicuous way.)

NOT ON MY WATCH! (Grabs her sword.)

Sweet Andra— (Collapses.)