Telling my kid’s friends that I’m something of a “K-Pop demon hunter” myself, only the demons *I’m* grappling with are inner

The established and hardworking RSV that had been slaving away in my system for a week reading the genetic code of the norovirus that brought me to my knees in a matter of minutes this past weekend

(from Lin-Manuel Miranda’s “EPSTEIN”) Larry Summers: Yo Jeffrey, you gotta help me, somethin about Summers is a bummer with the ladies Epstein: No hummers for Summers? You need some style, man—come to my island, I’ve got parties for smarties, invite all your Harvard Yardies,

(from Lin-Manuel Miranda’s “EPSTEIN”) Larry Summers: Yo Jeffrey, you gotta help me, somethin about Summers is a bummer with the ladies Epstein: No hummers for Summers? You need some style, man—come to my island, I’ve got parties for smarties, invite all your Harvard Yardies,

PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL: Truly I tell you, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom. PRESIDENT OF THE INNER CIRCLE (pretending to translate): Sorry, folks—six more weeks of winter! PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL: O generation of vipers,

I’m so far along in my journey that I didn’t even click on the article

They’ve posted a lot of deranged shit over the past few months, but I swear I’ll never forget the day they posted a video of the suicidal penguin from Encounters at the End of the World who marches off to his certain death in the mountains and said “us”

Keynesian babies believe that during economic downturns, the government should pay parents to put toys in a bin and then pay babies to immediately dump the entire contents of the bin on the floor again, over and over

This will only make it *harder* for him to see that that “skunk” is actually a cat with a white stripe painted down her back 😫

My 14-month-old every time she takes a swipe at my coffee mug and misses

First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then they laugh at how poorly you fought. Then, 20 years later, you laugh at yourself—the whole thing *was* rather ridiculous, and you’ve grown enough as a person since then to be able to see that.

I’m not into using AI, but there’s an image that I think should exist but doesn’t, namely a cover for a Malcolm Gladwell-style book called “Pie Hole: The Power of Shutting It”

My 5-year-old has a certificate that says he completed the training to become a Jedi knight

“The Owl of Minerva has flown? Wow. I didn’t know that. You're telling me now for the first time. The hour must be getting late. What else can you say. Every epoch is a sphinx that plunges into the abyss as soon as its riddle has been solved. I'm actually sad to hear that."

Sexistentialists believe that sexistence precedes sexence

A pyramid rests on its base, not on its apex. All of this shit is going to fall, lol

It's a good thing major US wars have never been triggered by murky naval engagements

Slapstick reworking of "Evita" where Perón constantly gets hurt and spends half the play in the hospital

A theological paradox: Could God edge Himself to the point where even He couldn’t take it anymore?

Slapstick reworking of "Evita" where Perón constantly gets hurt and spends half the play in the hospital

Pretty funny that a guy named “End” wrote a book called “The Neverending Story.” Nominative determinists on life support.

This leaked still from “28 Years Later: The Bone Temple” makes it look even more intense than the last one

Leatherface reboot origin story

2026 resolution: get some version of “we John Donne here?” / “make like John and be Donne” / “John Donneso” / etc. into circulation

Caught my mom’s dog staring out the window at the snow in a green turtleneck for a long time like Jack Nicholson in the Shining

Well, I gave my heart to someone on Christmas yesterday—and hey, would you look at that: a message from my beloved *the very next day*! Time to take a big sip of coffee and rea

fuck / marry / kill

Spotify users voted Christmas music the #1 Most Ironic Music to Listen to While Driving Angry

Spotify users voted Christmas music the #1 Most Ironic Music to Listen to While Driving Angry

If you saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night—no you fucking didn’t

It’s a Christmas miracle

This was the scariest scene in 28 Years Later

The letters between John and Abigail Adams always get me a little choked up 🥲

This was the scariest scene in 28 Years Later

The letters between John and Abigail Adams always get me a little choked up 🥲

Trying to get the last two surviving Shakers to make more Shakers

(Wise Man, seeing Mary looking quizzically at the myrrh) “It’s an embalming fluid”

Santa also knows whether or not you’re chopped—but don’t worry, that doesn’t influence his gift-giving decisions, despite ample research demonstrating that attractive people earn more at their jobs and are treated better by their parents

If you *say* the words “have yourself a merry little Christmas” to someone, you sound like a huge asshole

The chopped unc in me recognizes the chopped unc in you

BENOIT BLANC: The case of these two towers falling down… it reminds me of the big bad wolf, demolishing the little pigs’ domiciles. Only this was a hub of piggy economic activity, a piggy *bank*. A bank with a lot of… ‘loose change.’ Loose change which does not *quite* add up…

Getting feedback on my screenplay

My 5-year-old told me he and his friends at school play a game called “Mad Cats,” in which a cat owner has fish but won’t give it to his cats, so the cats get mad and chase the owner around, and when they catch him or her, they eat both the fish and the owner

Getting feedback on my screenplay

(by campfire) Zeldin: ...and then, he took his chainsaw, and *cut off* the dead whale's head... Kids (screaming and pointing): He's right behind you!!! Zeldin: What? That's impossible, he's in a mental institution on account of the worm in his brain! Unless of course he esc—AHHHHH!