The chopped unc in me recognizes the chopped unc in you

BENOIT BLANC: The case of these two towers falling down… it reminds me of the big bad wolf, demolishing the little pigs’ domiciles. Only this was a hub of piggy economic activity, a piggy *bank*. A bank with a lot of… ‘loose change.’ Loose change which does not *quite* add up…

Getting feedback on my screenplay

My 5-year-old told me he and his friends at school play a game called “Mad Cats,” in which a cat owner has fish but won’t give it to his cats, so the cats get mad and chase the owner around, and when they catch him or her, they eat both the fish and the owner

Getting feedback on my screenplay

(by campfire) Zeldin: ...and then, he took his chainsaw, and *cut off* the dead whale's head... Kids (screaming and pointing): He's right behind you!!! Zeldin: What? That's impossible, he's in a mental institution on account of the worm in his brain! Unless of course he esc—AHHHHH!

Usually I’m not a fan of children’s book adaptations of classic literature, but this version of Oedipus Rex is pretty good

Same energy

A more commercial title than “American Canto” would have been, “Bait: The True Story of How I Fell in Love with a Guy with a Worm in His Brain—and How It, and He, Wriggled Out of My Grasp”

A more commercial title than “American Canto” would have been, “Bait: The True Story of How I Fell in Love with a Guy with a Worm in His Brain—and How It, and He, Wriggled Out of My Grasp”

Was treated to this jump scare tonight while walking my dog

Was treated to this jump scare tonight while walking my dog

Tanned, rested, and ready

Tanned, rested, and ready

#bookcover #coverart

Alright, alright, alright. Selah.

AVATAR 3: THE WAY OF HAVING DINNER WITH ANDRE (2025)

Went to play “Monday, Monday” by The Mamas & The Papas for my kid on Apple Music and this was the first search result we saw

If you saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night—no you fucking didn’t

(Leonard Cohen) 🎵 “Your private life will suddenly explode… “🎵

Essay about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer called “Ho, Ho, Homogeneity: Co-Optation of Alterity at the North Pole”

If you want to do something about the male loneliness epidemic, first you have to do something about this

As we speak, Santa is sloughing off last year's red suit—which had grown worn and bluish—using a candy cane to work at a tear in the fabric until he's able to peel it off and consume it, giving him all the nutrition he needs for the holiday season

The idea of being given someone’s heart on Christmas and then giving it away ***the very next day*** is insane to me

During the pandemic I apparently made something called “the four stages of Twin Peaks grief” and forgot about it until now

It’s nice to see some playgrounds haven’t given in to woke astronomy. Earth is the center of the universe and you’re solarcucked if you disagree.

Your relatives eagerly awaiting your political opinions at dinner

Be careful in the kitchen today

For the 99th consecutive year, the Schopenhauer balloon for the Macy’s Day Parade has failed to inflate 😔

“Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe” (1980) is a Thanksgiving movie

For the 99th consecutive year, the Schopenhauer balloon for the Macy’s Day Parade has failed to inflate 😔

Gonna tell my son these are Andrew and Tristan Tate

Before and after getting stuck in the Black Lodge

If I didn’t know who these people were, I would assume from this image that the guy on the right had murdered the couple on the left and added their skins to his “human quilt”

This student told Jordan Peterson “you’re really quite nothing” in a debate six months ago and Peterson hasn’t been heard from since. Legend.

This is some real sicko shit

“no food transfer”

Come on, man

“I couldn’t help but wonder: Did the soft animal of my body long for someone who would gruesomely mishandle the carcass of the soft animal of my body?”

“Baby, don't worry. It's not a worm.”

I’ve been taking photos of funny/bizarre LA vanity plates for 6 years now, and this is easily the strangest, most disturbing one I’ve seen yet

An all-time great Etsy find

My 5yo asked me “does Frankenstein brush his teeth” around the time when he himself was going to have to brush his own, so I had to do some quick thinking about how my answer to the former was going to affect the success or failure of the latter

An all-time great Etsy find

(standing handcuffed before Gen Alpha kangaroo court) Judge: We find the defendant… skibidi Me: Is that… is that good or bad *jury laughs* Judge: You are hereby sentenced to 6 7 years in a maximum security penitentiary Me: (being dragged off) 67 or 6 to 7? 67 or 6 to 7?!?

The results for Michael Caine are admittedly impressive

The results for Michael Caine are admittedly impressive