Happy Friday 😎

Quick update - just switched my email provider to protonmail, so that's how you can reach me from now on 👀 (website updated to reflect this)

X finally banned me 😭 Their loss! These titties are relocating and you're all getting them now!

Me and who? 🥂

This outfit has a 100% rebooking rate 😏

Technically you don't have to read my website before enquiring but that doesn't stop it from being a great fucking idea! 😌

I wrote a guide to the best date spots in London! 👀 Restaurants, bars, hotels, activities — tested personally. Multiple times. For research. Join my newsletter and it's yours. Link on my site.

Currently on a vacation in Wales, where I’m peacefully spending my day trying to build a 2891 piece lego set 😌 Unfortunately, I vastly underestimated the complexity of this fucking task.

Had an absolutely fabulous evening with a new friend yesterday 🥰 Rated 69/10 by both participants.

Smoother than silk 🍑

Friendly reminder that if you request for me to come over dressed casual, I’ll be wearing lululemon with no underwear which is really a win-win for everybody involved. Im comfy and you’re hard 💕

Just watched “the substance”. Very torn. On one hand, it’s fun and entertaining. On the other, I can’t imagine wanting to be anything other than a milf so I don’t really get the premise

Lots of successful guys walk around absolutely touch-starved because they work non-stop and have no time or energy for relationships. It's rarely about the wild sex people outside the industry tend to think this entire business is about. Sometimes a man just needs to be held

Imagine thinking you're going to have a perfectly normal pleasant dinner date with a provider you just hired and instead I show up with my newly purchased Royal Mail limited edition Dungeons and Dragons postage stamps set and insist on talking you through each and every one

Shitty date idea: we build this together for a week straight fuelled by nothing but red bulls and delusion: https://www.nand2tetris.org/

Listen, I can’t fix your problems with vanilla relationships, business deals or whatever else is going sideways in your life. I do, however, have PHENOMENAL breasts and I’m going to fuss over you like my life depends on it, which kinda makes the other stuff irrelevant doesn’t it

Being an escort is hard, because you have to sit there nodding politely when your client is telling you a clearly bullshit story. "And then all 12 of them offered to suck you off, just like that? Wow - and they wouldn't even take the money?!" All with a straight face

You know what’s weird about escorting? You meet somebody whose hands are shaking in the lobby and only 3 short hours later this man is comfortable enough to share his deepest secrets. I appreciate the trust but also really wish you kept the murder you committed in 87’ to yourself

Escorting is hard because you have to hide what you do when you first meet new people. I always end up making up some random shit on the spot because I get nervous and now it’s 3 years later and 20% of my friend group is convinced I’m a fucking train conductor

Rewatching Hannibal thinking about how he's the sexiest fictional man. Intelligent, articulate, polite, fantastic chef. And yeah he cannibalised a couple hundred people but honestly can we afford to be neurotic about minor personality quirks in 2023

My date: goes deep into the far-reaching consequences on global financial markets and supply chains resulting from ongoing trade disputes and sanctions between major economies Me: did you know geese can see UV light

Some peeps have missed that my overnight and travel rates have been raised recently, so please take a peak at my website for all upcoming shenanigans. Thank you for valuing my company 🥂

Update on my driving lessons progress - after switching to automatic I am no longer nervous about driving. Seriously, huge relief. I now run over curbs and toddlers completely anxiety free 😌

Escort twitter virtuous circe: the more I tweet about my interests and personality the more clients I attract who share the exact same characteristics the more quality time is had by all parties involved 10/10 highly recommend doing this

How many hours in a single week should I be able to clock in Baldur's Gate 3 before my friends and family members have the moral obligation to intervene?

After carefully analysing my finances, I've concluded that the majority of my best clients are in tech. So from now on, I'm only tweeting about tech to lure them in. HAHA YES KUBERNETES MATE. DOCKER AND SUCH

About nerves before the date: 1. They will go away within the first couple of minutes after stepping through that door, I promise. 2. If budget allows, booking social time before will help you relax. Obviously if you’re meeting me specifically, be afraid. Be very afraid. 👹

I just booked a really, REALLY nice trip for my birthday and I’m proud that I can pay for it armed with nothing but personal initiative and huge tits 🥰

How to reach out to a provider: Hi, my name is X, age Y. I found your ad on Z and would like to set up a date! I was hoping to meet on [date] at [time] for [duration]. I attached my screening details, please let me know if you need anything else to proceed. Don't “hi” us pls 😘

I love it when newbies submit their info like it's a job interview when they contact me for the first time. They take it SO seriously. Melts my cold, unfeeling heart. Come here, you little treasure. I'll take care of you 🥺

I’m a little confused as to why I get asked to do video calls instead of screening. My brother in Christ, this is not a vibe check. I’m trying to see if you have a history of violence. Besides, which part of me blurring out my face in my photos screams FaceTime me? 😭

One of the things I love the most about this gig is getting a LENGTHY thank you message about how I changed a life after leaving a date. I mean, all I did was give you a bj and a hug but I’m happy to hear all your mental health issues are fixed now 😂💕

With inflation rising fast, may I suggest spending all your money on hookers while you still can? It’s clearly the only sound investment in this economic climate.

Say what you want but @wishtender customer service PUTS. THAT. WORK. IN.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we had an escort compatibility algorithm that recommends you girls like Spotify recommends songs? Like - if you liked Community the show, you would LOVE Aurelia the escort. Oh you’re reading “the ruins”, you sick fuck? Here’s Aurelia your hooker soulmate

You know what’s really sexy? Men who are extremely competent at their thing. It doesn’t even matter what the thing is. Yes daddy roof that house lmao

This is a friendly reminder that I enjoy what I do as an escort very much and don’t need to be saved from what you perceive as desperation and a terrible life. I have options and I’m doing great, thank you very much.

Besties! Baldur's Gate 3 is coming out tomorrow afternoon, so if you were planning on booking time with me anytime soon, I strongly suggest you reach out now. Once I'm settled into the gamer chair, I'll only be leaving my mom's basement to grab more Mountain Dew.

Guess what? I wrote a couple of articles on finding legitimate escorts in London, FMTYs, sensual massage, and all sorts of stuff a client might find informative and useful. You can find them on my website if you haven't already 😌

I hate Twitter. Yet here I am - because that’s where all my best, loveliest, regain-hope-in-humanity clients come from and hang out for some reason that I cannot crack. Guys, what are you doing here?? WHAT CRUEL JOKE IS THIS?

So I just arrived in Edinburgh and I have a question - why THE FUCK does anybody live in London? This place is out of this world beautiful, I’m SHOOK To my lovely clients - can you please uproot your entire lives and businesses so we can meet here instead? Thanks!

Woke up with an intense urge to get my belly button pierced and can’t stop thinking about it. Is this the quarter life crisis hitting or…?

My kink is watching British people wait in the queue at border control while I slide by the biometric passport gates. I'm sorry I had to get it out

Polite, articulate introduction? Volunteering their information before being asked? A little wishtendie? Some guys should really watch out or they’ll get their dicks sucked!

What a beautiful evening to wrap these long legs around a nerd 🥰

Client who’s a prominent figure in the US government: here’s my ID, here’s deposit, pls wear stockings, see you later alligator Local electrician: I wOrK in A sEnSitIvE IndUsTrY So I CaN’t

That’s it, I’m adding an alignment chart to my booking form. Can’t risk another chaotic evil sliding by

Why am I suddenly experiencing an influx of clients younger than me? Am I prematurely entering the milf stage? I’m not complaining, I just want to know!

Darlings - just wanted to let you know I’m currently overseas for a minor medical procedure and won’t be able to get back to all the enquiries until Saturday evening. Sorry about that! Don’t send multiple enquiries in a row pretty please

The cropping of my outfit photo wasn’t planned, but worked perfectly 😂