well, you’re around and i don’t have to yearn about wanting you anymore, so that might be it.

that only happens when you aren’t here.

what does that mean.

it’s the horny one i’m fine

i appreciate that, at least — i just . . . thank you. i’ll go do that.

i did before i went to bed! is it ( that * ) bad?

picking at his skin again. fuck. it hurts and he doesn’t really seem to care, or at least he tells himself that he doesn’t. repeating. repeating. repeating. his stomach turns. repeating. again. ignore the shakes. try not to think about them. repeating.

y’know, @s923.bsky.social, i really fuckin’ wish i knew you were comin’ home. would’ve gotten ya flowers or something. . . . missed ya.

“dolled up” (put on a clean shirt and brushed his hair)

where’s shaun . . .

thank GOD.

i know and i don’t want to stress him out and he really doesn’t need to hear about the OTHER THING.

and he’s gonna be MAD AT ME BECAUSE I’M DRINKING AGAIN.

this is the best and worst day of my life actually

WHAT

i, uh — i miss ‘im, is all.

dragging himself out of his shack. incredible feat.

he’s around. just busy.

no, but uh — i miss ‘im, is all.

i’ll let you know when i inevitably need to be reminded

i yearn too hard.

god he’s on this shit again

please don’t do this to me.

thank you, oliver

i like men

. . . oh. sure.

well. which soldier, then?

the soldier . . . ? yeah, i mean — i guess? how do you ( know * ) that?

i mean i’m not opposed? i guess?

huh

frame shaking, picking at the skin on his hands.

he’s a good father

ты охренел?

???? thank you?

twenty two.

i am twenty two

i’m a grown man

“want me to bring anything?” he’s sure that he knows the answer, but he can’t help but to ask just to be sure. he’s always surprised by them. “i’ll be there, though.”

“can do.” not that he really minds. he’s had worse happen, he thinks. “where do you want me?”

“hey.” small smile — it’s obviously flustered from trying to support her. not that it’s a struggle, of course. he’s stronger than he looks. “you okay?”

[ it’s hard to face him regardless. there’s a part that thanks god that it isn’t misha, but this is worse, in some way. there’s a lump forming in his throat, and it takes everything in him to try and get it to go away. he swallows sharply, head turning away. there’s shame in it. what kind of man +

oh, shit — he’s ( trying * ) to catch it. if nothing else, he’s content to let his body break the fall. at least he manages to ( sort of * ) catch it. he can get his arms around her, even if he stumbles a bit.

[ it still stings. there’s some part of theo that eats at him that’s convinced that he’s seen as no better than his mother. even if he knows that fox ( knows * ) that he isn’t as bad, there’s always that lingering fear. ] i know. i know. it just started ‘cause i was ( hurtin’ * ) and — [ he +

oh sorry. the gay ones. the slurs for gay people. does that help.

/ HELP

the what

oh. sorry. i dunno, guess i forget that. i’m spoiled.

i would’ve preferred if you called me a slur i think

i’m just divorced