After reviewing the lyrics to Somebody That I Used to Know, I’ve come to the conclusion that I did in fact have to cut you off

Then Alexander wept, for there were no more free NYT puzzles to conquer

Airlines: “In the case of a water landing, please leave your luggage onboard” Umm, I can swim with a backpack on. You’re the one who can’t find bags even when they’re at your airport

Not sure what it says about me, but any time someone yells “hey a**hole” I turn around. I mean, I do. But like, shut up

International customs officers: Do you have anything to declare? Me: I had a really great time!

There are two types of comics: 1. We’ve got to cancel Cancel Culture 2. We’ve got to cancel cancel Cancel Culture #comedy #cancelculture #nyccomedy #cancelled

Based on his workout routine, unrelenting work schedule, and a lack of desire to wear anything else; I believe the song is correct. Batman smells #JingleBells

English punctuation is oddly lewd. Colon, Period, Pound. And we all know the asterisk looks like a butthole #comedy #nyccomedy #nyccomic #languagehumor #humor

My girlfriend said she’s pregnant . . . pausing more often, and I’m kind of into it

A Christmas Carol and Wizard of Oz are the same story, and I cannot be convinced otherwise

As an African who is kind of hungry, I can tell you it’s okay if you don’t finish your food

The Apollo space mission. The big mission to send people to the MOON was named after the god of the SUN. Another example why you always need an artsy kid on the group project

It’s hilarious to me that two of Jesus’s disciples were named Judas. “No, yeah, I’m the other Judas who was friends with Him. I’M NOT LYING!”

The others beat me to gmail, instagram, and twitter. But I’m proud to say I’m the first Sam Kebede on Bluesky