Got her nose pressed to the window just to check out what is happening out there. Dogs don’t understand the concept of weekends 🤣 430-445pm she’s watching the happenings.

Pretzel was just sleeping upright with her head wedged in the crack of the couch 🤣🤷‍♀️ I started laughing so hard she woke up before I got a picture…: what a little weirdo.

Pretzel has determined that the time to try to entice me to play is while I’m walking on the walking pad… currently surrounded by a bluey her ball a lambchop and her fox… while she repeatedly boops me with her nose 🤣🤣

When your ball is life but it’s also your regularly scheduled 8hr nap time…

Sloth pretzel… has been awake for a total of 15 minutes so far today I swear I’m going to put my Apple Watch on her collar just to see how much this dog actually sleeps 🤣

Currently drinking an energy drink at 745 at night in order to find the motivation to do my workout 😬 honestly I just don’t want to… but after this caffeine hits I’m gonna find the willpower 🤣.

Nosy Nancy over here has awoken from her slumber and is observing the neighborhoods evening walk 🤣

Pretzel is over here snoring on my couch like she worked a 12hr overnight shift. I swear I have never met a dog that sleeps more than she does. 🤣 she wakes up in the morning when I force her up to go outside comes back in and proceeds to pass out until people start walking by after work at like 445.

Note to self-a sweatshirt alone is inadequate when outside with a windchill of 13. My hands went numb before I could air up my tire. Made the decision to full send it with a tire that had a psi of like 10…. I’ll deal with it when it gets warmer tomorrow because I don’t have gloves and shit🤣

I can’t get over the sheer amount of dumb shit that this dude and his incompetent ass administration does on a daily basis. Like I didn’t realize that the death spiral of American democracy and our international relations was going to be so damn dumb.

My least favorite thing about weather apps/emergency alerts is that when there is a tornado the sirens/warnings go out county wide. Also side note it’s annoying AF that a severe thunderstorm warning is interrupting coverage of a tornado on my local weather station. Like no shit it’s a thunderstorm 🤷‍♀️

I literally came on social media for 5 minutes saw that Trump illegally attacked/invaded Venezuela and immediately logged off to go buy a bottle of wine. Like what exactly is the process to stop this man from doing all this illegal undemocratic awful shit because we need to figure it out ASAP.

First day of 2026- slept like utter ass- while staggering to the bathroom to go pee (prior to coffee and no glasses on) I managed to break my pinkie toe again I hate those little bastards. So my neighbors got treated to me screaming well fuck me at 530am. Thankfully they’re morning people 🤣

You know those air pumps for tires that plug into your cigarette lighter thingie in your car… honestly one of the best 25-30 dollars I’ve spent on Amazon. 🤣 I use mine all the dang time because they’re doing road work near my house and I swear I’ve had 5 slow leaks since they started doing the work

One should never discount the therapeutic effects of dancing your ass off in the sunshine-did I look ridiculous I’m sure did I give a single damn… nope-paramore had me jamming out even pretzel got involved in the dancing session after her morning pee 🤣🤣

Side note I a fully grown adult currently have bluey on my tv because my dog likes it.!

There is an entire couch cushion on the other side of pretzel that is wide open… where has she decided it is necessary to nap…. Literally with her head wedged into the corner of the cushion my ass is currently sitting on. Sure thing puppo whatever makes you happy.

Does anyone else have conversations with their dogs like they would if they were human? Or is it just me because I just fully had a conversation with pretzel about how sad she was going to be when she didn’t have any more toys because she keeps tearing shit up and I’m getting tired of wasting $$

Why yes your armpit is actually the perfect spot for me to put my face human… ensuring that you give me the most awkward pets imaginable.

Idk how one goes about starting a petition but istg I’m about to try to start one to force my apartment complex to get a second dumpster. This complex is fairly large and they only have one compactor dumpster and damn near every single day by the end of the day it is so full it’s overflowing.

Why are there this many people at the grocery store at 230-330 on a Friday holy shit I couldn’t even pick up my prescription the line was that long.

I have just witnessed the most off the wall vet med adjacent post legitimately sitting here amazed. A person on threads is claiming that they took their own fecal sample to their vets office (they claimed it was their pets) and had them test it for parasites and it came back positive. People legit

One of the Christmas presents I ordered for my niece has been delayed 3 times by Amazon I stg I ordered this thing with two weeks of time for shipping-it still hasn’t shipped yet the most recent update has it getting here Friday (we’re doing Christmas on Sun) I’ll lose my shit if it doesn’t make it

Just walked pretzel outside in a sweatshirt shorts and flip flops truly a classic southern winter series of events…. From literally freezing to the point my hands were numb last night to outside in shorts in roughly 12 hours. 🤣🤷‍♀️

I was not prepared for the temperature swing AL has had in the past 24 hrs. Baby jeebus the wind took my breath for a second- im inadequately prepared for temps this low without more than a day to acclimatize. So if you see me outside in a sweatshirt sweatpants and a queen comforter yall hush ok. 🤣

Yall I got one of those walking pads on prime day… let me tell you that thing is damn handy… while I’m cooking dinner or watching tv instead of sitting on my butt I walk on it… never thought I would use it as much as I have…. but I prefer to use it in socks so I legit have 0 excuses not to use it 🤣🤷‍♀️

Just accidentally went to sit down and literally slammed my knee into the back of my iPad (hard AF) managed to dent the dang thing-I’ve had this bad boy for over a decade… first bit of damage it’s had…. Thankfully the screen still works for now at least (it has a weird white spot)1/3

Did you know if you use an immersion blender on potatoes while trying to make mashed potatoes you basically create mashed potato flavored marshmallow whip that sticks to EVERYTHING-because I sure didn’t 🤣🤣🤣

So I just discovered that my q-anon spouting conspiracy theory loving anti vax/raw milk drinking wing of the family has been taking ozempic en mass…. I flat out told my dad the only way I was going to family Christmas was if he laid down a strict no politics/no ivermectin talk law otherwise 1/4

The person who manages to meet all of their daily vitamin and nutrient needs while also hitting their protein and calorie goals has to be a magical unicorn… or possibly able to eat dramatically more food than I can in a day. Because like vegetables are great and low calorie but damn you have to eat

So retinol journey time-face looks great… significant improvement in crows feet and my 11 lines. Unfortunately my upper forehead lines appear to be here to stay as well as my marionette lines.. But also like I’m almost 40 with epic amounts of sun damage. So realistic expectations exceeded.

Sleeping the deep sleep of a dog with zero regrets that her human has been awake for the majority of the night to be sure she didn’t accidentally poison herself c/o chocolate chips. She actually sighed at me when I was checking her heart rate a few hours ago. 🤣

Pretzel counter surfed while I was gone and managed to grab what was left of a bag of semi sweet chocolate chips. (Thankfully she’s too big for it to be an issue bc there was maybe 1/3-1/2 a bag left and she’s like 75lbs). When I got home I just looked at her and said honestly I get it 😂 because 1/2

Pretzel ripped a hole in her new lambchop in like less than a day-therefore I have to perform surgery she has big feelings about the fact that I took her lambchop away and has been fussing at me intermittently for the last 12 hours. This dog who was scared of life is now a sass bucket 😂

I need to buy stock in the lambchop dog toy company…. Idk if it’s publicly traded or not but they have a chokehold on the market for dog stuffies. Like on Amazon most toys have a few thousand reviews lambchop is at like 78k. 🤣🤷‍♀️

Just tried to diy-rice flour/powder for my face for exfoliation purposes-let me tell you that was a mistake 1. It took forever 2. I didn’t get it anywhere close to fine enough 3. because it wasn’t fine enough my skin is pissed 🤣 epic fail of the week for me.. will be buying a proper scrub asap 🤣🤷‍♀️

Yall read these emails…. Because holy moly

Just going to share this little tidbit for those of yall who have wondered how the GOP tea party movement and MAGA came to be… as someone who was pretty dialed in to gop politics in those days-what you just witnessed from senate democrats and the overwhelming rage in response is exactly how.

How do you know your retinol is working?? Well I just got carded for a vape by a new employee at my regular store and that hasn’t happened in several years 🤣🤣 I happily walked outside and got my id and laughingly told her when she apologized girl I’m almost 40 I’m taking it as a compliment

Look I’m not trying to predict politics or anything but there is a billboard of Trump dressed up as the infamous Louis XVI and the fact that there’s 0 federal funding for special ED but the federal government has 300 million to build a vanity project ballroom on a busy highway in AL. Shits happening

Yall know those people that post like the pretty fancy fridge organization videos… I need to know what the exact opposite of that is because like I love the organization aspect of it but I’m a cheap ass… so my freezer is organized by Amazon boxes… my fridge has fairlife bottles with the labels 1/2

Got a walking pad during the prime sale- proceeded to pull my back out lifting this awkward as hell heavy ass box into my apartment 🤣🤣🤣 had to call for a refill of my muscle relaxers and explain how I pulled my back muscles because I was following the drs advice about increasing my steps-

If yall are struggling with groceries and you have a Winn Dixie in your area-let me tell you their sales+rewards+discounts for rewards members is absolutely fire. Some of the sales on meat are only on specific days but it’s so damn worth it. I literally saved 55 dollars between sales&rewards points.

It’s a spider bite on my face 🤣🤷‍♀️-which makes the waiting worthwhile. Sigh those sneaky little assholes.

I have been at this urgent care since 230… all I need is someone to look at my face and tell me if it’s a spider bite or not-I have to pee… I haven’t gone to the grocery store like I intended to today because I had hoped that this would take like 30 minutes (1 person in the lobby when I got here)

Does anyone have cystic acne? Because I have some shit on my face that has shown up overnight and I need to know if it’s cystic acne a really deep angry zit or like undercover MRSA or some shit that I need to go to the doctor about… 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤣🤣

Just sliced the absolute shit out of my hand with a box cutter and I don’t have a single freaking bandaid in my house-I literally have a cotton round and toilet paper vet wrapped around my hand -for anyone wondering how my day has gone… that pretty much sums it up 🤷‍♀️🤣

Yall I got some salt and vinegar seasoning (random store purchase) let me tell you if you are a salt and vinegar chip person that shit is delicious on vegetables and potatoes. I’ve literally put it on Lima beans and it was good 🤣🤣 it’s sneaky spicy so go light with it if you try it but I love it.

Just had to DIY a cup holder out of cardboard because I’ve wedged my tumbler in the crack of my chaise lounge so much the foam is giving up 🤣🤣 I have a huge chunk of paint missing from where I stand up and my tumbler tilts over and slams into the wall 😬🤷‍♀️🤣. Yes I have end tables the crack is better.

Pretzel is going to have the most incredible sugar face when she gets older because this child has already got grey eyebrows…. She’s 2.5yrs old!!! A literal baby!!