Us humans read and mirror other people's nervous systems. We can ask ourselves what we notice in our body. Also, what does a regulated state feel like..? EG relaxed muscles, slow breath, clear voice, a drive toward connection. When in this mode, just imagine how we can impact others.

Progress in trauma recovery is not black & white. It's always-- always-- a mixed bag. So you're having a sh*t day as you read this? Just do what you can to be kind to & safe w/ yourself today. That's a successful recovery day. F*ck "perfect" or "awful." We're works in progress.

"When you finally give up on the idea that you have the power to change others, you are giving up on something you never had anyway - control" From Difficult Conversations; Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen

Want to give support? Try surrender.. When our habit is to rescue, we may need to practise surrendering. This means - Listening Acknowledging Noticing All without jumping to judgement, action or change. Our attentiveness alone will be a support to someone who is struggling.

Creating-- art, music, food, whatever-- can be such a powerful trauma recovery tool because it requires us to step outside of the roles & expectations of others. It requires us to go off autopilot & connect w/ our True Self, which is what gets devalued & buried by trauma.

Change is hard, grief is certain, but the cost of remaining is self betrayal. Of course there are immovable obligations that can feel draining in some cases. Becoming aware of how the situation or relationship impacts us is key to processing the feelings and finding ways to ease the difficulties.

It's a harsh reality that true healing and trauma resolution is a privilege. It requires safe environments and capacity. And.. With the right support, it is possible to at least build more safety into your life to sustain you through it. #reality #healing #trauma #authenticity

Top tip for working parents: Have an end of (paid) work day ritual before embarking on your next job: parenting. 1. Acknowledge feelings and stress (e.g. talk to the wall, journal) 2. Regulate self - stretch/shake/breathe/ground) #workingparents #regulation #stressmanagement #acknowledgement

Pain + resistance = more pain. So, how can we accept? 🪜 Name that acceptance is hard. 🪜 Acknowledge the feelings. The pain, the turmoil, the fear. 🪜 Thank the fear - our protective parts are trying their best. 🪜 Reassure yourself as you would a best friend. 🪜 Repeat the above!

"It took me a long time to understand that you can feel many conflicting things. You can cut someone out of your life and miss them every day but still be glad you don't have to see them again. Missing people doesn't mean that you made the wrong decision."  - Tara Westover

Sometimes, in trauma recovery, getting better does not always mean feeling better. We developed coping skills, distractions & distortions to feel better in the short term, but they didn't heal. Healing doesn't just mean feeling better, it means becoming better at feeling ❤️‍🩹

Today's Somatic EMDR for trauma resolution feedback. Holding space for the body and its systems is key to resolving stuck emotions. This work goes deeper than talking through your adversity and triggers. Book a free consultation if you are curious #Somatic #emdr #ifs #Trauma #healing

Trauma resolution work is weird😀 We are so used to being in our heads, that it feels strange to really connect to the body. People feel renewed, more peaceful, released, but do not cognitively know why! The body and the nervous system knows best and speaks a different language to the intellect.

How can you regularly notice smells? Why? 👃 @drtaraswart talked at the Oxford Masters Trauma conference recently about how intentionally, regularly using the olfactory system can delay brain ageing. 👃 It mindfully returns us to our body. 👃 Smells can be soothing and calming #delaybrainaging

In what way might you be putting survival before honesty? The uncomfortable truth is that denying our needs is repression. When this becomes chronic, our body will find a way to express itself! Small changes towards self-expression can rebuild self trust. #authenticity #dishonestharmony

Avoidance of our feelings comes with a cost. Pushing our feelings away is understandable at times when we have to step up, but it is not sustainable. Chronic avoidance means our nervous system will be on alert, our body will find ways to signal the pain, we will feel drained & overwhelmed

Wisdom from #TransformTraumaOxford2025 Part 5 > Which one speaks most to you?

Wisdom from #TransformTraumaOxford2025 Part 4 > Which one speaks most to you?

Wisdom from #TransformTraumaOxford2025 Part 2 > Which one speaks most to you?

Wisdom from #TransformTraumaOxford2025 Part 1 > Which one speaks most to you?

As other trauma survivors know, we have trauma responses often times caused by triggers. It is so frustrating because the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt the people I care about. When in that mode, I push people away not meaning to. Healing is my top priority. All survivors deserve to heal.

Somatic work is a game changer! Working with our nervous system, our bodies, is essential to process and resolve emotions. I comine somatic awareness with EMDR. EMDR is a protocol to dial down the limbic system to allow safe processing and resolution. #Coaching #trauma #triggers #somatic #emdr

What did your programming teach you about saying no/asserting yourself? Parts of society, work, and toxic families rely on compliance. We comply to keep the peace or maintain dishonest harmony. The impacts of NOT asserting ourselves=Dysregulation, low self trust #unprogramming #consciouschoice

Part 2 - How to feel better in 8 steps. The last step is essential right now. #coaching #bekindtoself #selfcare #findthefun

Part 1 - How to feel better in 8 steps. The last step is essential right now. #coaching #bekindtoself #selfcare #findthefun

The number of people & organizations that depend on our "fawn" trauma response to get us playing along with their bullsh*t is staggering. Once you see it, you can't un-see it.

HOW DO YOU REGULATE YOURSELF? Regularly bringing attention to the body in this moment reduces the cumulative impact of dysregulation. #Effectivethoughts #Coaching #stressrelief #regulation #mindfulness #Somatic

Authenticity allows us to thrive rather than just survive. It requires us to be courageous and acknowledge what parts of our lives drain us, and what boosts us. Coaching can help you to discover and work towards meeting the needs of your true self. #trueself #honesty

We regulate our nervous system in nature. Our connection goes beyond our physical needs. Our link to nature restores, regulates, and revives us at a systemic and soul level. #connection #ourplanet #nature #restorative #regulation

It may be the right choice but that does not guarantee it will be easy. All changes, chosen or not, will likely come as a package with uncertainty, grief and effort. Tenacity comes from knowing it will be worth it. #Effectivethoughts #Coaching #transitions #tenacity #decisions

I announced reduced prices for coaching until the end of September and got THIS comment in response. "... the coaching you gave to me was life-changing and I will forever be grateful. I cannot recommend Cara highly enough." What a privilege my work is... 😊 #coaching #feedback #lifechanging

Developing our True, Authentic Self takes takes intention and awareness. Our programmed responses are powerful because they helped us to survive. Remember the 'why' Full cognitive function (a result of regulation). Personal power. True self connection. Peace. Acceptance. #wholeness #unprogramming

📝It's worth noting that it sometimes, but not always, resolves like this in just 1 session. Some people need repeated 'layers' of resolution. Some struggle to tune into the body's sensations, or to really switch the thinking mind off to allow the body full power. #somatic #emdr #bodywisdom

What might you need to accept at the moment, to reduce resistance around what you cannot control? It's important to note that acknowledging the feelings is an essential part of radical acceptance. #Effectivethoughts #Coaching #radicalacceptance #realmsofcontrol #stressrelief #regulation

Does part of you need to be in control? In this state, we can forget our personal power where we can: - notice this anxious state - regulate ourselves - ask for support - think creatively and problem solve This all takes practise. So how will you remember? #needtocontrol #beinthenow

When someone you feel close to detaches or "ghosts" you > First - acknowledge the pain. It hurts. It is confusing. Grief is likely. Acceptance of what we cannot change will help the pain to process. #ghosting #relationships #personalresponsibility #realmsofcontrol #acceptance

Micro pause & check-in... Taking time to check in boosts self trust and allows us to improve self awareness. #Effectivethoughts #Coaching #powerofthepause

'Self care' feels too selfish..? Then how about calling it 'capacity building' or 'resilience boosting'? Or, simply 'necessary'

The builders' philosophy.. 👷‍♀️ Accept that chaos happens. Acceptance removes the stress of resistance. Note: this is not the same as dismissal or repression 👷‍♀️ Take each day at a time. Have a plan without rigidity. We are more likely to be able to stay regulated if we do not expect complete control

How do you self motivate? I was thinking of this whilst doing a task I find dull- updating my bio Some people have master lists and micro lists, some use tools like Pomodoro technique, some buddy up for accountability, some use deadline pressure What's your approach to getting the dull stuff done?

The question that triggered tears in my leadership coaching session today... Q - Any change, chosen or not, can make us feel sadness or grief, what have you noticed? I sensed that this leader's focus only on the positives masked the full spectrum of feelings. Many feelings can co-exist.

Healing from CPTSD allows you to develop: Peace. Authenticity. Personal power. Physical recovery. True self connection. Acceptance. Healing involves layers & layers of learning.. I have personal and professional experience of working with CPTSD #somatic #emdr #partswork #IFS

It's a mission. Our programming is powerful, it helped us to survive. Unlearning requires us to... >Allow discomfort >Remember 'why'** >Notice, acknowledge and regulate feelings >Learn who we REALLY are >Choose authenticity Why? ** Full cognitive function. True self connection. Peace. Acceptance

Trust building, appreciation & acknowledgement are key to allowing our over protective parts to relax. Resistance or ignoring exacerbates how 'on guard' they manifest. Internal Family System coaching can be transformative, ask me how in a free consultation via my website #Partswork #innervoice

Instead of fixing adversity, try e x p a n d i n g. Expand to allow, notice, find space, and feel. Expand to stay with the feelings and regulate the body. Embody expansion - take an expanded stance. Breathe and expand the diaphragm. #coaching #nervoussystem #problemsolving #regulation

Leaders wanting coaching to improve focus, regulation, communication, time management, 'imposter syndrome' or overwhelm are often surprised when I use the word 'healing'. Healing is needed in all parts of our lives in order to become fully conscious #Coaching #conscious #feelings #regulation

Creativity is about adapting, problem solving, trying new things, learning. Boost creativity with A.R.E. > -Acknowledge - Notice emotions and sensations -Regulate - Calm or mobilise the body, notice cues of safety -Explore - What options/learning are there? #Creativity #regulate #consciouschoice

Conscious living means pausing, noticing, regulating, then choosing... Self expression over Conformity Honesty over Resentment Rest over Pushing through Progression over Perfection Acknowledgement over Repression Acceptance over Resistance #powerofthepause #consciouschoice #mindfulness

The start point for any self development, healing, and progression is to notice. Notice without judgement. This allows us to learn to connect to ourselves, to trust, to understand what is important to us, and what is impacting us. #Coaching #emotionalintelligence #interoception #knowthyself

My summer solstice! Lucky me 😍 #solstice #Highlands #Scotland