Stopped smoking 🍃 and turns out I’m not as chill as I once thought.

Hi, I’m never on here, but let’s take a minute for the dress ✨

Whenever someone has an awful opinion I just imagine the Guitar Hero crowd booing at them.

To every person “struggling” with not deadnaming someone- I’ve gone by Ash most of my life, and no one has bat an eye. That is not my legal name. But when ~certain~ people find out my first name and immediately call me that, it gives me the ICK to my bones. So, uh, don’t do this. To anyone.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back to life.

Help, I’ve accidentally started dating the entire town in Sun Haven-

My bff just lost our 2057 day streak on Snapchat and I am unwell.

One time when I was 19 I was really drunk (shh) and needed to burp but didn’t know how to make myself burp and my neighbor (30+ with like 5 daughters) burped me like a baby by patting on my back. Wholesome and humbling.

Went on “X” and immediately got hit by a bot with some p3do ass bullshit. Literally mourn Twitter and what it used to be. Hate that goddamn app now. Not even worth trying to use.

My daughter has been asking me to blow bubbles for her lately, not to play with the bubbles, but so she can play with other toys and have bubbles around her??

four games that brought you comfort or helped you heal ✨

Got high and took myself on a walk. Now that’s what I call self care

I don’t know if y’all knew, but the cake is a lie.

Me, looking at a block of cheese and some milk in my fridge while the rest of my food is covered in ants

I wish I had more people to talk to over the phone/video chat because I am lonely and miss actually talking with people, even from afar.

Why did my best friend look me in the eyes today and go, “how many tabs do you have open?” She was not prepared for it to be 425 and was cry laughing at me. I may or may not have a problem.

My kitchen is infested with ants and they’re in all of my food and I have -300 dollars to my name, so that’s great.

Was on a walk last night and this lady approached and asks if we’ve seen a baby goat and we’re like.. Yeah, actually. We have no idea how it got in our pen but it’s her goat 😭 what are the odds she ran into us? She lives blocks away from where we do!

We have miniature goats in the backyard and randomly yesterday another goat showed up?? And no one we know has any idea where it came from?? Someone just put another goat in our pen??

Instagram decided to switch up my recommended send to accounts for reels from people I send them to all the time to random people and it recommended my dead sister first ☠️

My daughter (2.7yrs) knocked out her front tooth 😭☠️ She’s okay, just not gonna have a front tooth until her adult one grows in at like 7+

Screaming at the sunshine, singing in the rain ✨

If you ever want saint to reply to you remember that’s a literal isopod at a computer the keys are far apart for them

Thinking about the girl who showed up to a party I went to with Pedialyte. She’s a real one

Sound aura ✨ Top artists

Happy day the Caesar salad was invented and that’s it ✨

My mom thought SpongeBob would make me stupid, so I wasn’t allowed to watch it. (Jokes on her, I’m stupid anyways.)

Today my friend told me she had the “suds” and I had to ask her what that meant and she said, “Oh, I forget you weren’t allowed to watch SpongeBob” ah, my lack of SpongeBob has finally caught up to me.

The only thing I miss about when I was underweight is that jawline!! Other than that, it makes me super uncomfortable to see old photos of myself and realize how sickly I actually looked compared to me being a healthy weight now.

Smashing people’s vases and stealing their stuff, probably.

I don’t have my read receipts on because it’s nobody’s business (I’m a coward)

Sometimes I think I’m better as a concept 💀

Whenever I get in a social mood I accidentally end up becoming a reply guy to everyone I know. Sorry-

I never take pictures of myself anymore, so have this as an offering

Last night one of the blades of my daughter’s ceiling fan just FELL OFF? (Thankfully didn’t hit her) and when we were getting her back to sleep ANOTHER ONE FELL OFF?

Literally just saw two terrible accidents, down the road from each other, just as the first responders showed up and had to reroute twice and we still have to drive to California (5+ hours) and now I’m scared-

Man, I need people I can FaceTime because I am just pacing around my house having an anxiety attack.

Computers used to scream every time they connected to the Internet. They knew. They tried to warn us. We did not listen.

My 16 year old sister asked if she could come over with her friends and I’m frantically looking around my house for any possible paraphernalia

Explain your @ “We are living in an immaterial world, a ghost world, and I am an immaterial girl - a ghost.” - Welcome to Night Vale Proverb Also a play on the fact immaterial can also mean unimportant/irrelevant.

Literally 45 minutes (36 miles) away from my house a mountain/town is completely on fire. 17+ homes have burned in the city already. Pray, send good vibes, whatever you do, for Pine Valley.

Does manic panic/arctic fox hair dye expire? I found some old teal and purple hair dye and the impulse is strong y’all

I got called for jury duty. Life has got to be fucking kidding me at this point

I have to come up with $400 by the end of the month or my daughter and I lose our insurance and will have to pay in full for all of our appointments we’ve had in the last month~ ☠️ Life is actually a nightmare

Having addict family members is so fucking hard. You can do everything to help them, support them, and they can throw it all away in a blink of an eye.

Oh, you asked ChatGPT? Well, I texted ChaCha, so.

I’m at least 10 (million) out of the 20 million plays on Spotify of Past Self by Sleep Token.

To make sure I weed out the nasty followers, my husband is MEXICAN. His family is from Mexico. They have work visas or are legal citizens here and still have to worry they’ll get taken with proper verification of their state in the US. They will deport you, imprison you, without even checking.

Damn, I had more friends in middle school, when I thought I was really hated, than I do now.