The head coach of the New York Pigskin Football Giants was fired today after reportedly refusing to replace winless 47-year-old starting quarterback Eli Manning with rookie Chad Powers #Giants #NewYorkGiants

Susan "I'll Sell Out My Own Constituents for a Buck" Collins smirking in the background while a Democratic Senator details the fallout from children losing SNAP benefits pretty much sums up this country's political state... #shutdown

Not nearly enough attention is paid to the number of boats and airplanes that disappear every year in the Bermuda Rectangle

Turns out "Big Beautiful Bill" was referring to everybody's 500% higher health insurance premiums... #aca #shutdown

It's impossible to tell which side is which in the MAGA Civil War because they're all wearing the same uniforms and driving the same jacked-up $80,000 pickup trucks which curiously never seem to be hauling anything in the back except an occasional piece of high-end outdoor patio furniture.

Be a Pepper

The license plate should read "83 IF" #PaulMcCartney

Calling people "libtards" and "socialists" online is all fun and games until your cult leader yanks away your family's health insurance just like he and his puppetmasters repeatedly promised to do... #FoolMeThrice

Curtis Sliwa should definitely demand a recount. I mean, he only lost by 968,000 votes 😂 #newyorkcity #mamdani

Hoping I'll be able to collect enough MAGA tears in my rainwater barrel tonight to water my newly aerated lawn for the next week... #electionday #newyorkcity

It would be totally fitting if this game ended up 28-3 #CurseOfKyle #SundayNightFootball #Commanders #Seahawks

Damn, the #BlueJays are so out of pitchers they're about to put Justin Bieber in for the 11th... #WorldSeries #Dodgers

Holy shit, that's the way to get out of an inning... #BlueJays #WorldSeries

The guy in charge of attaching the cushions to the outfield wall at SkyDome is about to get fired 😂 ⚾️ #WorldSeries #BlueJays #Dodgers

We'll know Ohtani has a gambling problem if he suddenly decides to take next season off in order to pursue his dream of playing Triple-A basketball. #BlueJays #WorldSeries

Don't even want to begin to know what kind of hand signs Mary Hart is throwing down right now after this inning... #WorldSeries

At this point you couldn't really blame Ohtani if he bet against his own team tonight. #WorldSeries #BlueJays #Dodgers

Been avoiding the news all year but just got a big chuckle out of seeing Werewolf Ted Cruz become so enraged about something he's flop-sweating McDonald's Special Sauce

You don't get an #MRI during a routine physical exam. Last time I had an MRI it was to confirm a massive kidney stone after an initial x-ray followed by a confirmatory ultrasound.

The mystery of the Aaron Rodgers wedding has finally been solved - turns out he got married to himself. #SNF #Packers

Did Bill Belichick sneak into the Colorado locker room dressed in a Coach Prime Halloween costume before this game started? 😂 🎃 #Colorado #Utah

Twitter has now effectively become a mausoleum with memes.

Coach Prime must be wishing he'd taken out an AFLAC policy on his defense. #Colorado #Utah

Buddy of mine from LA: "No way Toronto can beat Ohtani and the Dodgers." Me: "Wanna bet?" #WorldSeries

Congratulations to 2025 Nobel Peace Prize recipient George Santos - who knew somebody could stop all wars from a prison cell? #GeorgeSantos

The closest I've ever come to getting caught in the middle of a riot was in 1988 after Ace Frehley opened for Iron Maiden at the Fox Theatre in Atlanta, and the latter canceled at the last minute after Ace already played because Bruce was stuck at the airport in NY. #AceFrehley #RIPAce

After watching two quarterbacks with a combined age of 127 compete on #ThursdayNightFootball, Jerry Jones is reportedly attempting to lure near-sexagenarian Troy Aikman out of retirement despite the fact the former Cowboy would refuse to show up for any pregame meetings #Steelers #Bengals #Cowboys

Aaron Rodgers should probably retire so he can spend more time pretending to read Ayn Rand books... ("This thing about the guy with a head like a fountain is truly a life-changing work, Peyton") #Steelers #MondayNightFootball

Last week I became the same age as my height (5-8) I think that happens about as often as the calendar date being 2/2/22

If Putin falls will be interesting to see if Fox even reports it at all...doing so might generate enough cognitive dissonance amongst their millions of viewers to, well, heat Russia for the winter.

Michael Jordan playing baseball > Bill Belichick coaching football at UNC

Elvis

It's not that I'm Anti-Fanta, it's just that I'm more a lover of Grape Nehi #Antifanta

More and more Americans are demanding that Mr. Kotter release the Juan Epstein files...even his pal Barbarino now thinks they should see the light of day.

The Giants are getting booed more than a wagon full of rednecks on a haunted hayride #Giants #Eagles #MNF

Even though 77% of the public wants to see the Juan Epstein list, for some reason the Sweathogs keep blocking it #WelcomeBack

There is apparently no truth to the rumor that the Yankees will be hiring Bill Belichick and Jorduhn Huhtson to replace Brian Cashman & Aaron Boone #Yankees

Many people are saying Butker needs to take off his kicking spikes and get back in the kitchen where he belongs. #Jaguars #Chiefs

Am guessing the owner of this sleek and sophisticated vehicle was walking into Publix wearing pajama bottoms because he doesn't have any money left over for trousers #IncelWagon

The Splatmobole

Now that the Dirty Jobs guy has gone full Elmo/MAGA, can't help but notice he appears to be morphing into a combination of your perpetually sour high-school driver's ed teacher and a roid-less Kevin Sorbo

When Moses Mike is lying he blinks like a diseased insect.

Magat Logic Make-believe migrant caravans: "This is the biggest threat to America in history!" Catastrophic and unnecessary tariffs: "Suck it up libs...just shop at Dollar General and eat mud soup like us true patriots!"

You never realize how dirty your garage is until you see it in an Amazon delivery photo...

If my lip-reading skills are accurate, Jerry Jones just told his son to fire Mike McCartney #Cowboys #Packers #SNF

"Live long and prosper." Mr. Spork

Turned on the TV to watch endless football betting commercials when an Atlanta Falcons game suddenly broke out #Falcons #NFL

"glazed ham with deep-vein thrombosis" 😂 #kimmel #jimmykimmel

Jimmy Kimmel: "Our show is preempting tonight's rerun of Celebrity Family Feud" 😂😂😂 #JimmyKimmel

Now it all makes sense