Mike Johnson 50 years from now.

Weird. It's like all the shit they said the democrats would do, they're doing. And fucking radio silence from all the assholes who screamed the loudest.

It's no longer a matter of the bar being low, it's that the bar no longer exists.

This looks like something either a stupid person or AI would come up with when prompted to "design a very classy bathroom."

At least I'll be able to tell time in style as we ooze along this dumb timeline.

Pretty fuckin' incredible that this timeline wakes up every morning with exciting new ways to get grosser and grosser.

This looks like I something I drew as a child. Poorly.

I would really like to see a member of the press stand up and ask Mike Johnson directly, "What the fuck exactly is wrong with you?" It's pointless asking that cabbage a real question as he's guaranteed to feign not know anything about whatever is being asked, so fuck it. Just ask what we all want.

This demented fuck took a cognitive exam 6mo ago. You don't repeat them every six months unless you're competing with a donkey for "who can pick the camel first?"

Can't wait for CBS' new show Miami ICE.

Dickerson's departure from CBS is the canary in the coalmine and should be viewed with alarm. A genuinely decent person widely respected cut bait on the Weiss shitshow.

Tony Romo's voice hits the same as a bulldog eating a bowl of mayonnaise.

Jimmy Fallon is Vichy Steve Urkel.

Reporter: "Have you given any more thought to suspending habeas corpus?" Trump: "We've seen no boats off that coast since we started patrolling. People say it's the safest habeas has ever been."

Every pregame show is overflowing with the most obnoxious, vapid exchange of mind-numbingly trivial bullshit from basic dudes whose volumes and mental ages got stuck at 11.

Was not immediately clear to me if Rex Tillerson was trying to negotiate with Elon Musk or Kim Jong Un. I miss Rex Tillerson.

Can we please add inflatable lawn decorations to the tariff list? Like 1000% for baby Yoda anything?

In a world of Canada geese, be a duck.

Pat McAfee's persona hits the same way as stumbling through dog shit immediately after getting out of bed.

It's meandering and pointless like a Dr Bronner's soap label, but also menacing and shitty.

If you're going to do a stupid truck mod, don't bury your fuel nozzle.

I hate August. The unrelenting heat has everyone in a mean, shitty mood. There's no sign of fall. Hurricanes are the only shot at rain. Everything green becomes tired, yellow parchment. And the news cycle is an exhausting conveyor belt of the dumbest, worst people.

We all know they're eventually going to crash and burn leaving nothing but a greasy stain on our history, but holy shit, having to read the daily chronicles of their flameout is fucking exhausting.

Emil Bove, upon hearing news of his confirmation by other soulless fucks.

One of the central lessons I've tried to drill into my children is never double-down on stupid. If you get caught, own up and accept responsibility. Lie, and you'll make things so much worse. And then there's Trump.

GO! MY LABUBU MISSILE! KILL!

Hey, how about we sound the fucking alarms now?

Just Miles and Bill.

I'm not sure how high you have to be in order to buy banana bread from a dude in a Whataburger parking lot, but evidently there are people that high. www.ksat.com/news/local/2...

I'm concerned LA is the launch point for other big cities. Mistakes, lessons etc.

I'm told they're going to split custody of Karoline Leavitt

Bet they have weird make-up sex.

The most dreaded words any late-40s dude will ever hear: we should get together outside of work.

I do not know anything about surfing. Nothing. But watching WSL championships with Aussie commentating is the absolute best thing on tv. It's 90% just randos floating on very pretty waves with like 9 seconds of very excitable Australians saying things I don't really understand.

Dear influencer children, please stop with the dumb little lapel mics clutched in your fingers like a dandelion.

In the parking garage, ran into a panicky resident holding a large plastic trash bag dripping water. He was trying to use the air life elevator, which is badge controlled. "Trying to get to trauma?" "Yes please." "Body part?" "Arm." Door opens. "Good luck." That was that.

*crab-walked

It's hard to keep up with all the awful shit these guys are doing, but shipping people off to Rwanda seems like it should be topping the list.

Is AI a good thing?

1,000-pt drop. Seems bad. Far be it from me to look like a Panican.

Harvard's endowment is valued at $53 BILLION. They have serious "fuck you" money.

With Bukele's visit taking center stage, we haven't heard what critical agency Musk is fucking up today.

I've said it since Miller was just a creepy, dead-eyed underling in the first administration, but when this house of cards begins to crumble, and it inevitably will, he's going to be the sacrificial necrophile.

TFG's tell will always be his threadbare overcompensation about flimsy bullshit. His volume is stuck at 11, especially when his tragic little ego takes a hit. Which is always.

what a delightfully charming oopsie from the septuagenarian with the nuclear codes 👍👍 www.cbsnews.com/news/h-r-mcm...

Can't wait for the totally predictable "Top Trump Aide Knowingly Hired Undocumented Nanny" headline to shake out. Followed by another. And another. Because you know that shit's coming.

There's still light among the darkness of stupidity out there. St Vincent at the Moody Amphitheatre.

Figured I'd ride out the apocalyptic mushroom cloud thumbing through an autographed copy of Steadman's dog book.

I think it's really important to realize he's doing this to you, not for you.

Did I miss the field trip to Ft Knox?