Hello Bkuesky, I have that old question that is asked every day - what do you know about Lerwick in Shetland?

Look everyone - never mind Russia and Trump, my book’s been reviewed in The Guardian t.co/Wh3xE94BKH

The Dylan film is magnificent - utterly brilliant. Hopefully they’ll now make one just as powerful about Sham 69.

Blue Skyees, who among you can tell me something about Rutland?

I got a missed call from Afghanistan at 1.40am. I hope it wasn’t the Taliban again, asking me to do a benefit.

I’ve worked out the sort of thing you’re meant to put on the Threads site - ´This morning I went to ASDA for some Fairy Liquid and they only had the green version but I always get the yellow as I find green aggressive, so I asked the woman at the self-service checkout if there was any yellow…’ 1/259

Desert Island Discs tomorrow. I chose my 8 favourite Drill Raps from Thornton Heath.

I’m going to Chorley in a minute in the rain. I’m looking forward to it. Top that for positive thinking, Dalai Lama.

I’m calling on all comedians to march against us paying inheritance tax. For us it’s not a job, it’s a way of life. The tax means my kids will have to sell everything if I die and their jokes will be lost forever! But I don’t expect you to understand that, Kier Starmer!!!

I just found out that Farsi for camel is shotor, and Farsi for chicken is morgh, so Farsi for ostrich is Shotormorgh, ‘camel-chicken’. That’s marvellous and makes up for Trump winning.

In a world of Trump and Putin, it may seem there’s little we can do to make the world a happier place, but something that may work is to SHUT THE DOOR when it’s minus a thousand when you go in a shop or cafe so not everyone will freeze to fucking death.

The next fight on Netflix should be Dwayne the Rock Johnson v Jimmy Carter.

Just did an interview with Sir Chris Hoy for his podcast, what an absolutely fine soul he is. I’ll see if there’s someone else with six Olympic Gold medals to speak to tomorrow.

These are my first words on Bluesky, the equivalent of a baby saying ‘bus’.

I think I’ve just gone on Bluesky but I’m not sure. I may have applied to become a landscape gardener by mistake.