Office for Students and Advance HE (CEO Alistair Jarvis, remember him?) using the Slop Machine to generate images for press releases? #aesthetic Source: www.officeforstudents.org.uk/news-blog-an...

A reminder that Nick Hillman of HEPI was a failed Conservative Party parliamentary candidate. Listen to his mediocre pitch back then, and everything he has done since for UK higher education makes perfect sense. www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLV8...

I made a Panini World Cup 2026 sticker for Adam Tickles, the world-famous vice-chancellor at the University of Birmingham.

HEPI (CEO Nick Hillman) released a report lamenting the failures of the UK HE system (e.g. 'predatory recruitment' at Russell Group universities when students number controls were lifted), which Nick and his friends actively created and championed. I decided the report needs a better front cover.

This HEPI report is also a devastating, if unintentional, indictment of a sea of "HE-related" commentariat and consultancy types, who have latched on to a clearly ailing education sector, gotten paid at its expense, and then refused to decouple. Now that the host is dying, they finally speak.

Post your warning sign

Today I had an acid flashback of that time the disgraced former vice-chancellor of De Montfort University, Dominic Shellard, danced and lip-synced to Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out for a Hero". If you have never seen this, you are in for a treat. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lznd...

The logic of ultra-factionalists: "When I attack someone, it's not factional. But when people defend themselves, it's factional." It's the same as SWP logic: "When others mention Comrade Delta, it's factional. When I defend Comrade Delta, it's not factional."

🚨 IMPORTANT PUBLIC ANNOUCEMENT🚨 I am becoming chief executive of Universities UK and look forward to the next chapter of my career. Please see below for my statement.

Go fuck yourself on Sunday

Higher education 'commentariat' like WonkHE loves to talk about AI and higher education. But the more interesting discussion is actually AI and higher education commentary: WonkHE can be easily replaced by the ChatGPT prompt 'write about topic x while licking maximum vice-chancellor arse'.

In the same way that people like Peter Mandelson must be removed from all public life because of Epstein, SWP must be removed from all social movements because of Comrade Delta.

200,000 Norwegians eat Grandiosa pizza on Christmas Eve. Sad.

I don't advertise. I rely strictly on word-of-mouth.

Just learned that Simone Buitendijk left her vice-chancellor role at the University of Leeds (receiving a £288k payoff in the process), and then became a deputy vice-chancellor and provost at the University of Salford (seems like a 'demotion'?) Wonder what happened there.

Shelved UCU graphic/prop designs: UCU Panini sticker album. Some samples below.

Kjære, hva skal vi lage til middag? Matbutikken:

No GREGGS for me forever.

A Norwegian detective fiction idea: a character called Børre Hyggelig, a policeman who always prioritises his own comfort instead of solving any case, but is able to carry on in his job with moderate success because the crimes always accidentally solve themselves and he can just claim credit.

What the fuck is Microsoft Copilot and why is it shit

Bloody Beaker folk. Coming over here, rowing up the Tagus Estuary in improvised rafts. My name is Keir Starmer of the UKIPs and I want the finest of Beaker folks to stay where they are, instead of coming here and teaching us how to drink water out of cups! youtu.be/1cgeXd5kRDg?...

Just randomly found one of my old creations on the computer. Good times 😅

Random things found in the kitchen: Alan Partridge edible wafer paper cupcake toppers. Back of the net!

This morning, my Chinese mother has taken the time to remind me, via text message, that "only two things could happen to middle-aged men". They could either "become bloated like a melon or become shrivelled like a raisin". What happens next to me is "dependent on my diet". Thanks mum.

I saw this story and all I could think of was Alan Partridge, Norfolk's angriest man, shouting "Austria", "Stop getting Bond wrong!" and "Glang, glang ah lang ah lang ah lang ah lang" www.theguardian.com/film/2025/fe...

I think about this plaque from a statue of Ming Dynasty general Yuan Chonghuan (1584-1630) at least three times a day.

Tidying my house and just found this handout from around 25 years ago when our professor found out none of us knew anything about French literature, so he tore up his class, wrote this handout on the spot, made 20 copies, and said "let's do French literature history for the next hour".

Current mood

Over Christmas, I dreamt that I had invented a truly cursed 'food' item: a 'washable burger patty', a sponge-like object which releases beef flavours when one bites into it. One can then spit it back out, stick it in the dishwasher, and re-use in future burgers. It's vegan as well.

Stay humble ice cream

「聖誕節滾出中國」 Christmas get out of China

I see folks are having that conversation about "The Conversation" again. I only have three words: Remember Cinnamon Bagel. www.societyandspace.org/articles/bor...

國立小籠包大學 National University of Soup Dumplings 附設豆漿研究所 with the Research Institute for Soy Milk

I spoke to Dan Smith from the band Bastille and historian Emma Nagouse about a song that Dan wrote on the early-nineteenth century Chinese pirate queen Zheng Yi Sao. shows.acast.com/muses/episod...

Hong Kong's MTR System Maps: 30 years ago, 20 years ago, 10 years ago, today

Perfect Shutters ("Plantation shutters with colonial elegance", pre-pandemic) vs. Perfect Shutters (Postcolonial, 2024)

🧮 Friday number crunching 🦘 There are an estimated 42.8 million kangaroos in Australia. UK population is roughly 67.33 million. Therefore if the kangaroos were to invade the UK, each person would have to fight 0.636 kangaroos.

I was on 'You're Dead to Me' podcast and in this episode we did a comedic discussion on the history of kungfu. www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...

Hahahahahaha I've forgotten how much fun this was, honk honk honk

New T-shirt design.

Somebody asked me today if I, as part of the aging process, have softened my opinion on the Beatles, whom I hated all my life. I said no.

My favourite Chinese story comes from 5th-century text Shishuo Xinyu 世說新語. Liu Ling 劉伶 (221-300), one of the 'Seven Sages of the Bamboo Grove' 竹林七賢, likes to walk around his house butt-naked. When criticised by others, he replies, 'My room is my underpants. Gentlemen, why are you in my underpants?'

To demonstrate my 'posting range' (it's not all obscene): the 4th-century 'Star Gauge' (璇玑圖, Xuanji tu), by female poet Su Hui 蘇蕙, is a 29x29 grid of Chinese characters that produces 3,000+ unique (and beautiful) poems, and is in my opinion one of the most profound works of literature in history.

I'm finding it a bit tricky to gauge what I should be posting on this platform, so I'm going to start with this.

Just in case you need it.