Healthcare in America

*reads first part* “Oh great, so happy for the kids—“ *continues reading* “Shit…”

Priorities

Despite all my rage/ I will still sell you this goth smoothay

When you tell your kid to clean their room

“Hey, try this food I just made.” My daughter:

It may or may not be connected to the current state of affairs but the squirrels in my neighborhood seem extra suicidal

Church dropped a killer Trump dick joke

CDC head all

Rudy took a big shit

🫡

Look at this happy little fuck

Even when things seem the darkest, a light appears

Duckie say Fuckie ICE

I don’t know if I’m an “audiophile” but there are just certain albums that HAVE to be listened to on vinyl

Supreme Court on a hater heater this morning

Guess this weird pizza vending machine is owned by Stephen Miller

San Diego neighborhood makes ICE agents retreat

Getting hit with Facebook memories (I know... ew Facebook) of me mocking Trump's first term and it's like WHY IN THE FUCKING FUCK

The first five words are great, but then it kind of goes off the rails a bit

Roses are red The Great Wall's in China

Halfway thru the headline I was SHOOK this was a real feud so thank god it's just a movie #whew

🎶 (Wake me up) Wake me up inside 🎶

Out: "I'm cumming!" during sex. In: "I'm Cumming!" when you drop a huge spoiler.

“Fuck you, eh.”

🚨 NEW PORNHUB CATEGORY 🚨

Today ISN’T the greatest day

Whenever the blackmail file gets released ooh BABY

Putting aside the inaccuracies, him saying “NICE!” after a number that wasn’t 69% is a huge letdown.

Oh your insurance provider doesn’t have ads with a dog dressed up as a coke dealing murderer? Can’t relate

The casting of the younger Gemstone kids is one of the greatest triumphs in modern entertainment.

Roses are red Weed makes you dazed

One of the most important exclamation points is the one after "Happy Birthday!" because "Happy Birthday." sounds like you hate their fucking guts.

Hottest new Halloween costume

Holy shit this is like an AI "how to disingenuously pander" creation

Huge bummer that Jeffrey Goldberg removed himself from the Signal chat before we got to hear JD's take on the White Lotus incest.

Pete Hesgeth drunk texting the wrong person?! Who would've guessed!

“Fool me one billion times, shame on you!”

🎶Those boots were made for walking🎶

At my daughter’s dance competition and a group just performed to a Kanye song. Not enough sieg heils for my taste.