My wife got this window sill bed for our sphynxes and HOLY HELL THEY LOVE THEM. #catsofbluesky #sphynxcat #cat

Just a few days ago I was thinking about my old rock collection. I got very sedimental.

Me: I think my blood might be haunted. Doctor: What? Me: It's full of hemogoblins. #halloween2025

If you carve a pumpkin in September, that's premature ejackolantern. #halloween2025

I'm going to create a dating app for atheists so that Christians will never get on it and will leave us alone. I'll call it Beelzebumble.

How I get up in the morning.

I'm a piñata! #Halloween2025

I wouldn't say that I'm a bad cook, but the other day I walked into my kitchen and saw a cockroach eating a Tum.

"Billy, NOOOOOOOOOO!"

I saw a lady at the gym on an exercise bike wearing a helmet. So I put on a life jacket and got on the rowing machine next to her.

Donald Trump is a good president like Thousand Island dressing is an archipelago.

There's nothing better than a warm kitty in your lap. #catsofbluesky #sphynxcat #cat

Almost didn't make it to work today. #catsofbluesky #sphynxcat #cat

She just texted me "Aw, tysm." How the hell does she know I have that?

Sunning his tummy, or plotting his escape? You decide. #catsofbluesky #sphynxcat #cat

Ok, one more time for those who weren't paying attention. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous. If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and it dies, YOU'RE poisonous. If it bites itself and you die, that's voodoo. If you bite each other and neither dies...that's kinky.

Repost if you support trans people and think we're neato

Peekaboo. #catsofbluesky #sphynxcat #cat

"Why didst thou awaken me, father? Canst not I slumber in peace?" #catsofbluesky #cat #tuxedocat

Shhh 🤫 😴 🐈 #catsofbluesky #sphynxcat #cat

Inquisitive little booger. #catsofbluesky #sphynxcat #cat

If assholes could fly, the entire country would be an airport.

I'm an adult in the same way a tomato is a fruit. 🍅

Friends with benefits shall now be known as "peer pleasure". 😏

They say when a woman is attracted to a man, she speaks in a higher pitch than normal. This explains why every woman I talk to sounds like fucking Batman.

Science is magic with receipts.

Pumpkin cream cheese muffins, anyone? 🎃 🧁 #autumn2025 #fall2025

#booksky #book #audiobook

#booksky #book #audiobook

#booksky #books #audiobook

Science launches humanity to the stars. Religion crashes it back to the stone age. #atheism #atheist

HELP I'M BEING ATTACKED BY A PLUCKED CHICKEN #catsofbluesky #cats #sphynxcat #sphynx

Being afraid to check your bank account is the adult version of being afraid to check your grades.

#booksky #books #audiobook

Tylenol stands for: Trump You Lying Evil Nasty Orange Loser

#booksky #books #audiobook

Guess who has seven thumbs and just got fired from the morgue? 😁

If you're inside when the rapture happens, will you get stuck in a corner of the ceiling like a balloon? #rapture2025

#booksky #books #audiobook

#booksky #books #audiobook

Tiny bingus, big chair. #catsofbluesky #sphynxcat #bingus

A little bit of history humor for y'all. 🚽

#booksky #book #audiobook

#booksky #book #audiobook

I can't catch a fucking break. My grandma just messaged me. Her sister, my great-aunt, passed away last night. #FML

#booksky #book #audiobook

#booksky #book #audiobook

You say "fake it til you make it." I say "mask it to the casket."