🎶Vacation, all I ever wanted 🎶Vacation, had to get away 🎶Vacation, meant to be spent alone //I. Solstice For "The Prelude" @uciefed.bsky.social Ft. @thisscarisafleck.bsky.social uciwrestling.freeforums.net/thread/3733/...

Do ya have any idea how much your fuckin bleedin heart makes it hard ta pinpoint the two of ya?

Consider me a regular now. Except for the one that took place tonight. I was drinking tonight.

Never miss a Friday the 13th. presentingxiii.freeforums.net/thread/77/xi...

Yeah, like. Fuck @insurgentsia.bsky.social or something #lew9 @loweffortwrestling.bsky.social

I mean I fuckin dodged it so if "blinked" means "avoided" then I'm a fuckin genius. Also only people who've never seen a person's life drain from their eyes call themselves a "real killer". So maybe next time don't try to lecture me with your 10 dollar haircut your mom did for ya.

Post-match, a projector pointed at a bed sheet shows @vhodka.bsky.social waving and smiling at the champ from wherever tf backstage is. #LEW8

Yeah alright. We're gonna be doin this even when both of us are in hell.

Ha! Ya missed jackass!

(Our true pope)

I finally have clearance. Ya two better keep an eye out at all times. Don't worry, I'm not TOO heartless. I'll make show days my day off of the hunt. Oh and @insurgentsia.bsky.social? Be a buddy and let *Ashley* know too. docs.google.com/document/d/1...

Don't tempt me with a good time. Ya know I'm susceptible ta being a party crasher specifically ta piss ya off.

My god this is a new level of delusion never before seen by humanity. None of what you said is reality but ya wanna spin a narrative that's fiction cause it's the only way ta' make ya look even remotely cool.

Implyin you mean anythin more ta' me than an amusement is hilarious. And implyin any of your quips are anythin ta' Johnny-boy but another small timer tryin ta' pitch majors is outstandingly naive. Once this company gets more bodies I'll be fightin for belt (again) and you'll still fuckin trucks.

Look just cause you're right doesn't eliminate your sins of sexual intercourse with a big rig.

You leavin me the truck fucker is the nicest thing ya've ever done for me.

Many people have tried and failed ta' kill me, so a truck fucker wantin ta' try (and fail) is the least of my worries. Nah, Johnny-boy and I on the same side means more than anybody else in this match, but if we can kill each other when fightin, imagine what we're capable of on the same team? #LEW8

Not only does "Truck" Fuchs fuck trucks he also doesn't know what the fuck two sentences are. Here that's another freebie.

Get your fuckin deathmatch kicks, lads and ladettes. It's a motherfuckin dream match.

Comin off the heels of me not winnin Belt in a NEARLY ONE HOUR AFFAIR, at #LEW7 I'm facin off again LixWex, which sounds like a ship name for a fanfic somewhere. Unlike any longform fics out there of me (I've read 'em, fuck y'all for shippin me with Johnny-boy) this story WILL have a pleasant end.

//I want to promote something I wrote for a character with no social media presence, so here it is: enhancedcombatleague.freeforums.net/thread/45/ That's not the whole thing! It's just a link. To another link.

Four of us are fightin for Belt at #LEW6. But here's the thing. I don't give a rat's ass what the other three think of me, but I promise ya' that that belt, that crown is the reason I'm still fuckin here. And I'll be damned if I let any of ya', respect or not, keep me from my throne.

Can't win 'em all (even if I didn't get pinned *cough*)

Another scheduled triple threat doesn’t come to fruition as Cashew gets on the mic to yap about the importance of letting dogs eat people food only sometimes and eats up the entirety of the timeslot. #LEW5

Yeah it says you're a bitch ass with an easily mockable name.

And yet I've beaten you. So clearly not being a fuck who fucks trucks is going right for me.

Oh hey I'm one of those guys.

Yeah that's right we wrestled for half an hour with no conclusive outcome to open the show and I think that was maybe the best way to let the fans in attendance know what to look forward to because that's how we do it in @loweffortwrestling.bsky.social

Live Cashew reaction

Paul and I had a barn burner ta' start off LEW4, and now the head honchos chose ta' team us up against Walker and Tact (whom shall be referred to as Wact from henceforth) at #LEW5. If Paul and I could do that shit ta' each other and still be able ta' ally, what makes Wact think they stand a chance?

It's @loweffortwrestling.bsky.social which means that havin a hot opener equates ta' just showin up half the time. However, I'm gonna do more by not only winnin, but ALSO provin that while an "opener" is beneath me, I'll still make it the hottest match of the night. #LEW4

Irrelevant. As always, you'll be the first one I'm after on sight.

You couldn't fathom what it would take ta' get me ta' go when you're involved in any capacity.

Man wasn't Pink Pony Club in Santa Monica?

Cashew got ca-screwed. No Contest doesn't mean a loss, it just means a rematch.

Remember kids: you can never be too fucked up for a Clusterfuck Match.

QUESTLOVE WRESTLED INSIDE OUR HOUSE?!

Nothin says "hey we're back or somethin" like "let's just throw the three champs together in a match and see what happens." Truly the CU:LT I know and love.

Ya' see, unlike Truck Fuchs (the guy who fucks trucks) I prefer the safety and comfort of a human bein in all aspects of my life, includin beatin up people (like that old man from the last show). Also, when it comes to clusterfuck matches nobody does it better than me so at #LEW2 I'm waitnolemmefin

Your defense of known wanted criminal Hamburglar is noted, but the corruption runs deep enough that he freely runs around with the Clown of the Town and the Purple Menace who has a large body count (remember those milkshakes?) That burger pilferer isn't innocent my dude.

Hey man I'd rather be a ball of corn than a truck fucker.

Truck Fuck fucks trucks, pass it along. I'm not taggin that one, it's a freebie.

We all love Cashew.

Wait a clusterfuck match this early in your run? Bold.