slacking my boss: do I still need to come into the office if the president is declaring war on the city or is wfh an option

what is the obsession with building like 20 casinos in the city right now

I've started my third watch through of The Sopranos, otherwise known as the TV show about my family

*recalling something horrific in my mind* I pretty much just chill 24/7

despite all my noise atonal pretensions, nothing beats a big fuck off riff

This can't be happening... Is it really time to say goodbye to the Eric Adams era? hellgatenyc.com/time-to-say-...

"10% of the population makes up 50% of economic activity" is a batshit insane stat. there's no way this can continue

reading between the lines, it seems the crisis for Men is that "me hit with rock" is no longer a viable path to making a living? is that right?

ask someone where they think ideas come from and then watch what happens

hey so we're looking for a Third That We Definitely Respect and Don't Think of as a Toy, what're you doing later?

Midnight in the Garden of Pee Pee and Poo Poo

same as it ever was defector.com/the-mets-wen...

you still haven't explained how an elephant would even get into the room

you'll never work in Toon Town again, asshole

mark my words: your relationship will sour, you'll be bisexual again, and you'll DM me

would you like to hear my no wave/noise band?

And that's my hands free guarantee

*casts Deep Vein Thrombosis on you*

you, me, undisclosed location. how about it?

Step 3: lubricate the nut and saddle me, getting lightheaded: oh...oh ok

if number stops going up, everyone dies

yeah yeah let me know when AI can suck me to completion. then maybe I'll care

a T-shirt with Clippy on it that says "looks like you need help walking in public"

alright I'm sick of the fucking summer now. it can stop

I'm not allowed to care about that anymore. It's in the agreement I signed to live this long

(beginning my TED talk) so first, let's agree that people by and large are pathetic and suckers for self-flattery

(totally unprompted) people disappear all the time

my new strategy at work is sitting with the big bosses at lunch and insisting on my own importance

maybe I need to disappear for 6 months and come back unrecognizable

laughed in a Cuomo canvasser's face. small pleasures

hey so I was scrolling through your nudes I saved on my phone while I was walking home and it made me think

this is actually how I conceive of myself

why are failed entertainers the most evil people among us?

god help me I want to write a novel about The Current Moment

the walking around wearing noise canceling headphones while staring at your phone in the middle of the sidewalk is the car experience for pedestrians. complete solipsism like no one else is around you

(impatiently) that's just how that particular cookie crumbled

What Your Sleep Position Reveals About You 1. Stomach Sleepers You're going to die soon

I'm a big hit with lesbians. it's difficult to explain really

(after sex) okay now that you've gotten your review, I need you to sign this PIP

I'm being raptured right now actually but I keep bumping against the ceiling

I donno I think the Tylenol thing is a real line in the sand for seeing who really is a huge fucking moron

I mean I agree, but when do you estimate we entered it? I think it was the first creature to leave the water for life on land

HellFrot 2025

(gun pointed at my head, stammering) t-t-today is for sipping on that um bisexual body tea. ok can you let me go now?

put a banana in my slim laptop bag and now it has a dick print

I think we should go with "The Rapture did happen, it's just no one was picked" message. I think we have a great opportunity to fuck with our most mentally vulnerable

the thrill is in the chase and not the catch. so would you mind running again? I'll turn around

don't look at me, I have no idea how the pause ended up pregnant

open.substack.com/pub/houseofm... Wrote about the radical act of returning to one's body in a digital age designed to detach us from them.

first of all I'm probably like 10 years older than you, so write that down