i really want a cape. i think it would. make my zooms. much more distinguished. i would secure the admiration of the neighborhood. in an instant

today. i wasn’t a very good dog april fools. I was so good

sometimes. i get very excited. and all i want to do. is wag my tail. but every single time. it is my whole body. that wags

there is a tree. in the household. i went to take. my late afternoon snoozle. and i come back. now there’s a tree.. who approved of this. i didn’t. is this. one of many? what depths. does this tree army reach. where is the human. i have questions

the human. got me. a sailor hat. so i could be.a ship captain. for the party. tonight. this is appropriate. without me. this household. would veer. way off course

a bunch of monsters. have entered the household. i can't even recognize. my own human. everyone. is rather frenly though. a skeleton. scritched my ear

it's movie night. once again.. the human's fren. came over. the human built their first fire. and i helped. make the pupcorn.. the whole gang. is snug on the couch. including. my stuffed fren. sebastian. who always falls asleep. before the film. even starts

gooooob morning. did you know. that if one sits. very well. and looks up at the human. with a straight face. the human will be forced. to stay home. an extra few minutes. and give attention

remember. when that leaf. fell on my noggin. and i became emperor. of the yard. well.. even though. the leaves are done falling. i want to clarify. i haven't yet. relinquished the throne

i. have been on skittle watch. all day, and guess what. it hasn't moved. i almost. grrborked at it. in frustration. but i'm afraid. it could. retaliate

the human says. there are two options.. inside or outside. but if they would. elevate their mindset. they would uncover. a third option: stand. in the doorway. and sniff the air

gooooob morning. i found a button. and decided to swallow it. but before i could. the human jumped on me. from like. three rooms away. i guess. this particular button. means a lot to them

there's. a single chair. that the human. told me. i'm not allowed on. why is it special? no idea. but of course. now i want to snooze on it. very bad.. i will slowly climb up. one limb at a time. and hopefully. no one will notice

i. had a nightmare. that the boing sproings. behind the doors. came to life. and started chasing me

i know. how scary. bath time can be. so whenever. the human showers. i make sure. i'm also. in the bathroom.. for solidarity

i think. what's really important here. is that. i love you

my fren. is already snoring. kind of impressive. in a way.. he took the afternoon walk. very slow. stopping to smell. everything he could. i spent that time. wrapping the leash. around the human. as many times. as possible

the human. bought a device. for my bowl. that forces me. to eat slower. do they not understand. that eating at an extreme pace. is the one thing. i truly excel at

g0000ob morning. my fren and i. are on skittle watch duty. until the afternoon snooze. the skittle. i speak of. is under the fridge. and hasn't moved. ever.. but one day. it could. and that is why. we watch

gooooob morning. the human. is off. to do. whatever the human does. and i. am off. to try to fit. my entire foot. in my ear

goo0oob morning. a lot happened. on our walk. this morning. i found. a perfectly good waffle. in somebody's trash. the human. didn't let me. have it though. there was also. a very frightening. leaf tornado

so you know how. my bed. was shrinking? well. it has remained. pretty much. the same size. for many many snoozles now. perhaps. it's done shrinking

ok. all is well. the human. came out and almost immediately. found my fren. mostly. iam grateful. but also. the human. didn't need to show off like that.. my fren seems. unharmed. and somehow full. but i think we're done with. leaves. for the day

i have lost. my fren. in the big pile. of leaves.

gooooob morning. my fren. and i. are going to play in the leaves now. it should be. a grand time

whenever. the human. makes a snack. my fren and i. will patiently wait. to be given. a part of said snack. even if we're not. as long as. the human feels. guilty about it. mission accomplished

it is movie night. and the human. and the human's fren. are cuddling. on the couch. i will sit at their feet. and stare at them. until. a spot is made. in between them. for me

the human. just refilled. our food bowls. thinking that. they forgot to feed. my fren and i. this. is a magical night. second dinner. rules

quick life hack: sticks. are too big. to easily smuggle. into the household. try a woodchip.. thank you. for your time

"while. the human's away. the dogs. will play" no sir. my fren and i. protect this household. very seriously

goobnight. to all. and to all. a goobnight

i. had a nightmare. and i guess. the human heard me. because now. we're both. all snugged up.on the floor

sometimes. if a treat. is on the line. i'm asked. to sit.. one last good boy test. but i'm usually. so excited. i can only do. several half sits. i think. those should count

go00oobest morning. to all the moms. who sneaks the bacon. when dad isn’t lookin. Happy Mother’s Day!

i'm sorry i haven't. shared my thoughts. recently. i was asleep. and when i wasn't. i wanted. to be

the human. went out. with their fren. but accidentally. left their coat.. i have turned it. into a blanket. the smell. of the human. somehow makes it. cozier

my day. isn't too busy. after the midday snooze. i have a meeting. with my fren. about the power. of peanut butter.. also. it's almost my shift. to watch the skittle. under the fridge

sometimes. when i'm in need. of attention. (which is. always} i locate. a shoe.take it. and trot by the human. it may take. multiple passes. before the chase. but it never. ever fails

the human believes. they lose their socks. in the washing machine. but oh no. i steal them. way before that

after much thought. i have decided. to come forward. regarding. the hole situation. i will. at the same time. return a sock. to the human. that i stole. a long time ago. hopefully. that helps my case. somehow

the human. got mad. at my fren. because a hole. was discovered. in the yard. but it wasn't my fren. it was me. i don't know why. i dug it. but it felt good. at the time

signs. of maximum excite: 2. quick. spinny circles 8. leaps (all kinds} 5. feets. a tippy tappin c. sustained zooms 1. tail thuddles

sometimes. when the human. isn't home. igo. to the top of the stairs. and drop my ball. then i race past it. and catch it. at the bottom. i do this. until the ball wins

go00oob morning. my fren and i. found the perfect stick. on our walk. we took turns. carrying it home. BUT ONCE AGAIN. we were denied entry. by the human. until we let it go.. may we meet again

my best trick. is the sit. unless we're on hardwood. then i excel. at the sit and slide. right now i'm working. on a new trick. it is. not taking. seven naps. in one day

every night. i make sure to tell. my fren. what we have to do. the next day. because. i always forget.. this. is a bad plan. because my fren. never remembers. either

snackum.. has been slipped. first to me.then to. my fren. the life is good

the human's fren. came over. for dinner. this is the final test. if they, slip a snackum. under the table. they are welcome here. for eternity

please. remember. to perform. at least three. goobnight noggin pats. before the night snoozle. it goes. a long way

the human. has made mountains. out of. the fallen leaves. it is. quite clearly. my destiny. to jump in them