If you can see a penguin, a penguin can see you. If you can’t see a penguin, you may be mere moments from death.

Under no circumstances are employees or contractors to call 970-591-2401‬ and leave a message regarding any internal processes or initiatives. Violating this policy can incur disciplinary actions up to and including reassignment to the Bayou Corne sinkhole.

REMINDER to ALL STAFF and ONSITE CONTRACTORS: Regardless of any changes in personnel or ongoing roles, the homunculi are still toothy little bastards. Proceed accordingly. #goodmorningevildoers #podcast #audiodrama #comedyhorror #themlilteefsissharp

Evil is easy. But it ain't cheap. Help us continue to be your nightmare provider of choice. Physical merch at goodmorningevildoers.com/shop and digital goodies at gumroad.goodmorningevildoers.com. Thanks for letting us make you grin, even if it's a rictus of terror. As always, 100% AI free.

Happy New Year, Evildoers #thankyou #wtf #thankyoux100 #may2026bekindertousall

The "Voice of the AI" in the podcast is played by a real human, and if you called her an LLM she'd beat your ass while I held you down. We don't do that here. #goodmorningevildoers #audiodrama #antiAI #antiGenerativeAI

INTERNAL MEMO: Milk & cookies are insufficient. Hans Trapp — the cannibalistic Christmas scarecrow — has been confirmed active. Flesh, blood, or symbolic effigies recommended. Naughty children: remain indoors.

Thank you for your continued attention, evildoers. Here is the season finale of Good Morning Evildoers. We will return on February, Friday the 13th. Content warning for this episode: Screaming, brief sounds of torture, and what might best be described as “lack-of-body horror.”

INTERNAL MEMO: VISUAL CONSISTENCY INITIATIVE Employees are reminded that Winifred’s physical appearance remains classified. That said, Management is curious: Based on her voice alone, what do you picture when you think of Winifred? Submissions accepted below. Artistic interpretations encouraged.

Want your Donner Party Planning Catering Staff shirt under the tree (and not, y’know, in a snowbound cabin of horrors)? Order today to squeak in delivery by Christmas (fingers crossed). Perfect for the festive cannibal enthusiast in your life. goodmorningevildoers.com/product/donn...

BREAKING: Someone in the mortal realm has taken the GME sigil and rendered it in textile form. Management would like to remind all employees that this is expressly forbidden… but in this case, we’re willing to overlook it because LOOK HOW COOL IT IS. All hail @quillsandpaper.bsky.social!

This #GivingTuesday, if you have a little to spare, it can really make a difference. We here at #GoodMorningEvildoers like to share what we can with the North Texas Food Bank and, as always, with Nature.org. We’ve only got the one planet, after all. (That you know of.)

And now for something completely different. Ladies and gentlethings, we have received our first ready-for-air submission, and I am ecstatic to bring this to you in Season Three. There are raccoons. In haute couture. They have a business card.

For your listening pleasure, friends... xtty.carrd.co #goodmorningevildoers #xtty #thenewsbehindthenoise

On the longest night of the year, Good Morning Evildoers will return. Look for the final episode of Season Two on the Winter Solstice, Dec. 21. Season Three will begin on February, Friday the 13th. 𝕯𝖔𝖓'𝖙 𝖘𝖆𝖞 𝖜𝖊 𝖉𝖎𝖉𝖓'𝖙 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓 𝖞𝖔𝖚. #goodmorningevildoers #podcast #audiodrama#13daysofhalloween

Twelve…and soon, 1̴̛̝͓̭͈̘̮͉̩̯̣̖̣̗͕͛̿͛̊̄̏͘͜͝3̵̢̛̛͇̮̰̲͍̦̯͒͒̀̈́̈́̀̈̒̇̇͋̆̑͜͝͝ #goodmorningevildoers #podcast #audiodrama #13daysofhalloween

Eleven. #goodmorningevildoers #podcast #audiodrama #13daysofhalloween

Ten. #goodmorningevildoers #podcast #audiodrama #13daysofhalloween

Nine. #goodmorningevildoers #podcast #audiodrama #13daysofhalloween

Eight. #goodmorningevildoers #podcast #audiodrama #13daysofhalloween

Seven. #goodmorningevildoers #podcast #audiodrama #13daysofhalloween

Six. #goodmorningevildoers #podcast #audiodrama #13daysofhalloween

Five. #goodmornngevildoers #podcast #audiodrama #13daysofhalloween

Four. #goodmornngevildoers #podcast #audiodrama #13daysofhalloween

Three. #goodmornngevildoers #podcast #audiodrama #13daysofhalloween

Two. #goodmornngevildoers #podcast #audiodrama #13daysofhalloween

One. Because counting up is never sinister. Right? #goodmornngevildoers #podcast #audiodrama #13daysofhalloween

The podcast will be going on hiatus. My mother, who inspired so much of Winifred from HR, is nearing the end of her life. She has always encouraged creativity, humor, and mischief, and those gifts will live on in the show. Thank you for your patience while I step away. We’ll be back when it’s time.

An honor just to be nominated. (All quips aside ANA is both clever and delightful, and these other shows are badass rock 'n roll tater tots.)

Why should you listen to Good Morning Evildoers? You shouldn't. Don't let the reviews fool you. A drunk after a con told us it sounded like, "A stupid gay ripoff of Welcome to Night Vale with some old bitch." His name? Don't bother. He doesn't remember it now anyway. All he remembers is pain.

Nothing like a nice dinner out on a long weekend. #HappyLaborDay #GoodMorningEvildoers #alittlecannibalismasatreat

Hello, delicious “mutuals” and “cyberpals.” We hope you enjoy the new episode of Good Morning Evildoers, intriguingly titled Ashes to Asphalt & Records Too. Do you have a favorite Akashic Record? Please share in the “comments” — we are told that most humans enjoy sharing their opinions in this way.

A new digital publication awaits your beautiful corneas, vitreous fluid, and optic nerves! Pay what you want to track those all important KPIs (Known Portents of Inevitability). #goodmorningevildoers #digitaldownload #podcast #horrorsky goodmorningevildoers.gumroad.com/l/KPItracker

Greetings, delicious humans, and please enjoy Season 2, Episode 4 of Good Morning Evildoers. And remember: we don’t want off flavors imparted to the ice cream, so store your lunches and spare body parts in the correct break room freezers. #goodmorningevildoers #horrorpodcast #horrorsky

Who are they to say how many teeth belong in a smile? Or where they should come from?

Welcome to Season 2, Episode 3 of Good Morning Evildoers, now the No. 1 Podcast Produced in a Volcano Lair 2025 by Villainy & Verve Magazine! (What means the most about this award? Probably the fact that it isn’t pay-to-play. You’re either nominated by your evil peers or you aren’t. Such an honor.)

Purchase. Peruse. P R E P A R E. goodmorningevildoers.gumroad.com

Coming Soon: Another way for you to share your delicious thoughts with us. Guaranteed to be completely safe in every way and entirely free from any frequencies that might subvert your free will. goodmorningevildoers.carrd.co

A word from our friendly AI... #goodmorningevildoers #jucier #giggles

Welcome to Season Two, Episode Two of Good Morning Evildoers. We are pleased to present our very first “podcast trailer swap” with ‪@audicinal.bsky.social‬ and are told that this will enhance your immersion. We do want you immersed, after all. So immersed. Do listen...listen closely...yes, good.

ATTENTION: We can now announce our inaugural “podcast trailer swap” to all mortal listeners. Please revel in the delights of Super Duper. Airing before the July 18 episode of Good Morning Evildoers — coming soon to headphones near you. Very near. Oh no, darling. They’re much closer than that.

They’re just circling. Nothing to be concerned about. Honest. You can trust us. goodmorningevildoers.carrd.co

"Episode A9: Something Stupid" of Super Duper is out now, and this week we're featuring a trailer from @gmevildoers.bsky.social ! Give the ep a listen, and don't forget to scroll down and click on the GME link! audicinal.info/super-duper/... #audiodrama

Even evil plans can go astray. We will resume normal service on July 18. Please do not take any portion of this announcement as an indictment of collective bargaining. #goodmorningevildoers #podcast #independenceday #4thofJuly #zombies #PlanetX Apple Link: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/g...

Well, you can't please everyone... #goodmorningevildoers goodmorningevildoers.carrd.co

Thank you. Thank you so very, very much. 5000 downloads is an amazing milestone for a podcast with a budget of $1.38 and an old Werther's Original I found in a coat pocket. Just...thank you! #goodmorningevildoers

@gmevildoers.bsky.social is back! Thank Satan.

Please tune in tomorrow to join Stephanie, along with Phil Better and the incredible crew at FSF Popcast: Tim, Kathleen, Ben, and longsuffering producer John. There may not be evil, but there will certainly be nerdery. www.youtube.com/live/bJuiKW_...

Welcome, delicious humans, to the Season Two Premiere of Good Morning Evildoers! Please join us at the lair under Denver International Airport after a quick update by a keen local reporter at XTTY: Independent Internet News and Music for Fort Collins, Loveland, and Longmont. #goodmorningevildoers

Hello, evildoers. #goodmorningevildoers #seasontwo #seasonpremiere #podcast #horror #comedy