(NSFW WIP) messily sketching msh kzh for the first time in 19 yrs with a 2% chance i'll finish it. Be aware.

AI "companions" being baked into healthcare is so insane to me that it makes me want to rattle everyone involved by the shoulders and scream ARE YOU STUPID?? bc in what world would it EVER make sense to have an unmoderated chatbot spout uninformed medical "advice" at impressionable patients 😝

I fear i am a big fan of listening to recordings of myself talking whether vod or straight up audio clip bc i never know what random thing im gonna say and i Do find myself funny n pleasant on the ears

Has anyone else had inexistent cavities filled? When i was like 11 i went to the dentist and they told me i had cavities. I was suspicious but they gave me clear filling and yet the cavities in question were just identical tiny dots on both sides of my mouth that were just. My teeth.

Ok i was just reminded that some doctor at some point told me that my heart is basically constantly running a marathon and id probably feel better if that Wasnt happening

Did that thing where u record ur heartbeat w ur phone mic and lets just say.... imma pretend i didnt hear any of that 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I wish i had the shareable type of hyperfixations but instead all i have are yaoi and smut coursing through my veins and those cannot be spoken about with just anyone

I saw a tiktok earlier of someone scratching their cat's scratch post with them to bond so i tried it with my cat and he climbed ferociously up the side of his cat tower breaking his neck just to come and slap my hand off HIS scratch post 😭😭😭😭👋🏽 Like BYE i was trying to bond with u???? 😭⁉️

Said out loud to myself at 11am TODAY while audio journalling btw 😭

It is actually kinda sad how little my brain fixates on writing or even *ideas* when i'm medicated. Like ugh. I love getting my life together too but can we PLEASE have some rot...... just a LITTLE?? 😰

I like daydreaming about quitting my job and moving on to fulltime sleeping in the middle of my workshift

It's baffling at this point how i could be so blind to everything about myself. What else don't i know? How can it be so easy to know nothing. It makes it hard for me to want to write knowing my perception of self is so flawed. What could I possibly write now? My works are probably flawed too...

I felt like a time traveler waltzing into a library to check out a book for the first time in like 17 years. Going up to them like "I see technology has changed a lot since I was last in one of these places ahaha 😃 how do i, uh...... check out a book on those fancy contraptions over there? 😎"

Reading the classic novel i got from the library and there is "head hopping" - an alleged crime in fanfic writing that i worked to get out of my own prose in 2022. I knew I didnt learn it from nowhere 😠 The ppl calling it an amateur mistake just wanna take away our whimsy!!

Was thinking reading physical books again might be nice but i don't want the permanent clutter around the house Then i remembered libraries exist. And i have a library card.

Im back to playing HSR and i feel like theyve added sm QoL that it makes it so easy to finish ur dailies and finish things and yet i alr know somehow i'll stop playing soon and lose interest once again

Its so funny how easy it is to forget traumatic events bc wdym my tire exploded last year on my way home from work 😭😭😭😭 and i just kept it pushin....

My cat coming up to my door and putting his mouth against the gap to meow at me even louder cause I'm not getting up fast enough 😭😭

Got irrationally mad at my phone for glitching and freezing to the point i couldnt even shut it off and then i rmbrd what time of day it is (my meds wore off.)

Thinkjng abt the time i was studying Wriothesley's eyes and realized they were kinda tilted/droopy only to look in the mirror and find out mine are too. Like wow.... Twins 👯‍♂️

Maybe self improvement is also bad for business. I guess it makes sense.... Changing the you that is known and expected is bound to make things harder

After years of writing and drawing Kazuhei i've lost my mind and moved on to Becoming Kazuhei 😭

👁️👁️

Ive literally never been more confused reading my ideas OOC than this. WHAT??? WHO??? What are we talking about!!! 😭😭😭

My marvel rivals obsession is on pause bc i cant think of anything more draining than playing a single match rn. Like theres no way im already at my limit and gonna add MARVEL RIVALS to the mix 😭😭 Absolutely not.

I hate talking to AI when calling a health related place bc pls just let me talk to a human abt my health needs bro 😭😭 i dont wanna listen to a bot finish their 2min dialogue 3 times before letting me say what im trying to say

How do i unlock the fanfic writing portion of my brain and put it back in control. As much as i love slowly improving my health, learning about my brain & body, and sleeping more, i also love MAKING BOYS KISS!!!!!! 😡 and i have not been getting my fix.

Kingdom Hearts music is so good but i dont think i can ever play the games or even watch them unless someone cuts out all the dead space btwn dialogue and stitches the story together 😭😭

Do Not want to do therapy today at all actually so thats probably a sign i should 😒 I feel like i hurt my brain enough for one week #personally

Oh my god i smoothed my hair back and looked at myself in the mirror and i genuinely saw his hair. Like Zack Fair??????

Theres definitely something suspicious about how.... hyperfocused ive been the last couple nights. Like its been a months since i last sat down and did one singular thing for hours upon hours on end w.o getting bored or wanting to switch tasks 😭😭

As excited as i am to try FBT as a lifelong "new tech thing i havent experienced yet" enthusiast.... i am also mortified by the concept of the abnormal ways i stand being showcased by a 3d avatar Like no one needs to know that i turn my feet inward or cross my legs or stand on my own foot 😩

Erm. Lets just say i just saw todays date and besides the exchange im in i have NOT written anything new. (I forgot)

Letting my body stim however it wants since i called off today and it has led to me tuning out what im even doing and then tuning back in to find myself smiling while wiggling around in increasingly silly ways HELPPPPP 😭😭😭 like ok glad im having fun w that, anyways back to what i was doing....

Me picking up the phone hoping its my referral and she asks "is this xy" and i say "who is this" and then we do that about 5 more times until i hang up only for her to call again and leave a voicemail finally saying who she is. Like ma'am in the world of scammers and AI pls introduce urself 😭😭

Raise your hand if u thought amnesia was like. Forgor everything. And did not know it counted for Parts of things, or that emotional amnesia existed. Now raise your hand if you have HORRIBLE emotional amnesia. Thank you, you may put your hands down.

I keep forgetting it's february aka Black History Month, but bc it is, everyone literally HAS to be so nice to me. Its mandatory actually

Everyone who suspects they have adhd (and can safely do so) should be allowed to take one (1) 5-10mg stimulant just as a tester. Cause for me the minute it kicked in i realized i was nawwwwwwt making ANYTHING up 😭

You never know what you've brainstormed in the past until u go digging thru ur drafts

The fact that the only way ive been able to (so far) maintain my workweek responsible sleep schedule is by programming my pc to sleep n lock me out at 9 pm sharp is so 😭

Will i rmbr to write anything for vday *this* year? Stay tuned....

I am so cooked.

My jawline is back and this is a bad thing because that means i am likely to morph into a being of chaos at any moment. A being that only yearns to smirk and pose and seduce the camera 💔💔💔

Going from owning the same bag of floss sticks for years and only rmbring to floss before a dentist appt to then owning 4 diff types of string floss and flossing every night even when exhausted is a canon event, probably

HELPPPPP

Should i give up on my health so i can focus on fanfics and fanart again ⁉️

I need to be more like 2009 Dan Howell

I love making purchases when i'm not in the correct frame of mind bc then i forget about them and when future (stable) me receives them its like a nice surprise present bc like yeah i *did* want that actually but *i* wouldnt have bought that. Thanks!! 😝