AWS Deadline Cloud now supports custom scripting for job submission workflows AWS Deadline Cloud adds pre/post-submission scripts so you can validate jobs before paying them to fail. Because nothing says "fully managed service" like making you write YAML to manage it yourself.

Amazon Bedrock AgentCore Gateway and Identity support VPC egress AWS invented "AgentCore Gateway Identity VPC egress" so you can pay them to let your services talk to each other in your own VPC. It's like charging rent to use your own driveway. Now in 14 regions of confusion!

Amazon Quick now integrates with Visier’s Vee agent for workforce intelligence AWS Quick (which you've never heard of) now integrates with Vee (ditto) via MCP (???). Ask HR questions without leaving your workspace! Available in all regions where Quick exists—so probably three.

AWS Marketplace Management Portal now supports bank account deletion AWS Marketplace sellers can finally delete their own bank accounts—a feature so revolutionary it only took a decade to build. Nothing says "cloud innovation" like basic CRUD operations being treated as a product launch.

Amazon Connect now provides eight new metrics to measure and improve AI agent performance AWS now lets you measure how badly their AI hallucinates at customers. New metrics include "did it work" and "was it lying" - features you'd expect to be, you know, *included*.

Amazon EC2 High Memory U7i instances now available in additional regions AWS launches u7i-8tb.112xlarge because "8TB instance" was too readable. 24TB of RAM now available in Stockholm—perfect for when your SAP HANA bill isn't quite bankrupting you fast enough. Pricing TBA (lol jk it's "call us")

AWS Client VPN now supports native AWS Transit Gateway integration AWS finally fixed a problem they created by making you bolt together VPN and Transit Gateway with duct tape and an "intermediate VPC." Now it just works like it should've from day one. Only took them how many years?

AWS Compute Optimizer supports 162 new EC2 instance types and 32 new RDS DB instance classes AWS Compute Optimizer now recommends instances with names like "C8i-flex" and "M8azn" because nothing says "optimized" like alphabet soup that requires a decoder ring to understand pricing.

Amazon SageMaker HyperPod now supports automatic Slurm topology management AWS announces SageMaker HyperPod now does what Slurm has done for free since 2017: put compute nodes close together. Revolutionary! They've automated updating a config file. That'll be $47/hour plus data transfer fees.

Amazon EC2 X8g instances now available in Europe (Ireland) region AWS launches X8g instances in Ireland with "up to 60% better performance"* and "best price performance"** among X-series! *than 4-year-old chips **pricing not disclosed, naturally 215 characters exactly.

Amazon Athena simplifies federated queries with managed connectors AWS now manages the connectors they should've built into Athena from day one. You still pay for Glue, the queries, the data scanned, and probably breathing near S3. But hey, at least you don't maintain the plumbing anymore!

AWS Backup expands support for Amazon Aurora PITR to six Regions AWS Backup now supports Aurora PITR in 6 more regions! Because nothing says "innovation" like finally letting you back up your database the way you could've with pg_dump in 2003—but now with 47 pricing dimensions.

AWS Parallel Computing Service now supports Slurm 25.11 AWS PCS now supports Slurm 25.11! Because nothing says "innovation" like a managed service for software that's been free since 2002. New feature: logs you can send to three different AWS services. Separately billed, naturally.

Amazon SageMaker supports notebooks and data agent for IdC domains AWS finally lets IdC users access SageMaker Unified Studio's serverless notebooks with AI agent—because nothing says "unified" like previously excluding half your auth methods. Now you can overpay for Athena Spark in even more ways!

Second-generation AWS Outposts racks now supported in the AWS Asia Pacific (Seoul, Sydney) and Europe (Paris) Regions AWS will now ship you a rack of servers to put in your own datacenter so you can pay cloud prices for on-prem hardware. Now available in 3 more regions you don't need!

AWS Elastic Beanstalk AI-powered environment analysis now supports Windows AWS now uses AI to tell you why your Elastic Beanstalk is broken instead of just fixing it. Because nothing says "modern cloud" like sending your Windows logs to Bedrock so an LLM can hallucinate troubleshooting steps.

Attributed Revenue Dashboard Now Available in AWS Partner Central AWS launches a dashboard to show partners how much money AWS makes off their work. It's called "Attributed Revenue" because "We're Tracking Every Penny You Generate For Us" didn't fit on the slide deck.

Amazon S3 now supports five additional checksum algorithms AWS now supports 10 checksum algorithms because apparently CRC32 wasn't confusing enough. They'll validate your data integrity for free—don't worry, they'll find other ways to bill you for breathing near S3.

Amazon Quick now supports permission verification for ACL-enabled knowledge bases AWS invented a button to check if users can see files. They're calling this revolutionary "Permission Checker" technology a feature launch. Next up: "File Opener" to access documents you have permission to view.

Amazon Quick now supports multiple owners for admin-managed SharePoint and Google Drive knowledge bases AWS invented "sharing" and called it "co-owner knowledge base data source connection management." Revolutionary feature: letting two people access the same file. Only took them 7 regions.

Amazon Redshift supports UPDATE, DELETE, MERGE for Apache Iceberg tables Redshift finally learned UPDATE and DELETE on Iceberg tables. Only took them until 2025 to add features SQL had in 1986. But hey, at least now you can modify data without spinning up three other AWS services first.

Amazon SageMaker Unified Studio now supports VPC for notebook kernels SageMaker Unified Studio now lets notebook kernels run in your VPC. Congrats on discovering what Jupyter did in 2014, but with 47 more words in the product name and VPC charges you'll discover next bill.

AWS Transform automates landing zone creation in migration workflows AWS Transform now automates what you could've done yourself if their docs weren't deliberately obtuse. They've consolidated 3 services into 1 because even they couldn't remember which one did what. Still no pricing page.

Introducing GPU Health Monitoring and Auto Repair for Amazon ECS Managed Instances AWS now auto-replaces broken NVIDIA GPUs in ECS because apparently "managed" didn't mean "actually managed" until now. At least they're not charging extra for fixing hardware that shouldn't break.

Amazon IVS Low-Latency Streaming now supports server-side ad insertion AWS now lets you force unskippable ads into live streams with "IVS SSAI" (because acronyms are free). They're so proud they built ad injection that defeats ad blockers. Monetize your viewers' misery, now in low latency!

Amazon SageMaker Unified Studio now supports multiple code spaces within projects for IAM domains AWS just discovered you can open multiple browser tabs. They're calling it "SageMaker Unified Studio Multiple Code Spaces" and charging you separate EBS volumes for the privilege.

Amazon RDS Custom now supports the latest GDR updates for Microsoft SQL Server AWS announces security patches for SQL Server with the enthusiasm of a DMV clerk. "RDS Custom" still sounds like ordering a database off a menu. At least the CVEs are from 2026—time travel costs extra.

AWS Lambda durable functions are now available in 16 additional AWS Regions AWS finally invented Step Functions inside Lambda and called it "durable functions" because why reuse a perfectly good name? Now in 16 more regions where you can pay twice for orchestration!

Amazon EC2 announces Managed resource visibility settings AWS finally admits their own services cluttering your EC2 console was annoying. Only took them a decade to add a "hide the stuff we manage anyway" button. Revolutionary innovation in... checks notes... basic UI filtering.

Amazon EC2 C8i instances are now available in Europe (Ireland) and Asia Pacific (New Zealand) regions C8i: because C7i wasn't confusing enough. "15% better price-performance" but they won't tell you the actual price. Available in 13 sizes because choice paralysis is a feature.

Amazon EC2 C8i-flex instances are now available in Europe (Ireland, London), and Asia Pacific (New Zealand) regions AWS launches C8i-flex instances: now with 60% more buzzwords per paragraph! "Custom Intel processors available only on AWS" = Intel made chips, AWS slapped a sticker on them.

Amazon Bedrock AgentCore adds new features to help developers build agents faster AWS invented "AgentCore" because "Bedrock Agent" wasn't confusing enough. Now with a "managed harness" that manages things you could already manage, plus a CLI that does what CLIs do. Free today, priced tomorrow. 🎪

Amazon SageMaker AI now supports serverless model customization for Qwen3.5 models AWS now lets you fine-tune Alibaba's models on their infrastructure. Nothing says "we're winning AI" like reselling your competitor's work with extra steps and mystery pricing.

Amazon MSK Serverless expands to 13 new AWS regions AWS just launched "serverless" Kafka in 13 more regions because apparently running open-source software yourself is too hard. MSK Serverless: where "you don't manage capacity" means "we bill you in ways you can't predict."

Amazon OpenSearch Service now supports rollback for service software updates AWS OpenSearch now lets you undo updates within 15 days. Congrats on discovering version control, only a few decades behind the rest of us. Next up: maybe test updates before forcing them on customers?

Amazon Corretto April 2026 Quarterly Updates AWS: "We're generously providing free Java updates!" Also AWS: "Oh btw we're killing JavaFX support because maintaining the thing we said was production-ready is apparently too hard. Enjoy your migration work!"

Amazon EC2 for SQL Server HA now supports health notifications AWS will now alert you when their SQL Server HA detection breaks so you don't get surprise-billed. Love how "we'll tell you when our stuff fails before charging you extra" counts as a feature announcement worth celebrating.

Enhancements to AWS Network Firewall Managed Rules from AWS Marketplace Partners AWS Network Firewall now lets you pay third parties to protect you from threats that wouldn't exist if AWS security wasn't an upsell buffet. Now with 10M ways to block domains and compliance theater for OFAC sanctions!

Amazon SageMaker AI launches optimized generative AI inference recommendations AWS now does the benchmarking you should've been able to do yourself, but couldn't because their pricing is incomprehensible. They'll tell you which overpriced GPU to rent. Revolutionary!

AWS Secrets Manager extends managed external secrets to MongoDB Atlas and Confluent Cloud AWS Secrets Manager now rotates secrets for MongoDB & Confluent so you can pay AWS to manage credentials for services you're paying to avoid using AWS services. The irony is free, the feature isn't.

Five new Qwen models for coding agents and efficient reasoning are now available in Amazon SageMaker JumpStart AWS just dropped 5 models with names only a regex could love. Qwen3-30B-A3B-Thinking-2507? Someone's keyboard had a seizure. "Deploy with just a few clicks"* *billing starts immediately

Amazon CloudWatch Logs Insights introduces JOIN and sub-query commands CloudWatch Logs finally added JOINs—a feature databases had in 1970. Only took AWS 15 years to let you correlate logs without running separate queries like a caveman. Can't wait to see the pricing for this "innovation."

Amazon Location Service now offers bulk address validation for the United States, Canada, Australia, and the United Kingdom AWS now charges you to tell you the addresses in your own S3 bucket are wrong. Because apparently spell-check needed to be a managed service with 13 regions.

Introducing the Amazon EKS Hybrid Nodes gateway for hybrid Kubernetes networking "Free" EKS Hybrid Nodes gateway! Just pay for EC2, data transfer, load balancers, and the therapy you'll need after explaining to finance why your Kubernetes bill tripled. At least the name is short.

AWS Glue now supports OAuth 2.0 for Snowflake connectivity AWS Glue finally learns OAuth exists, proudly announces they can now talk to Snowflake without storing passwords in plaintext. A security feature from 2012 arrives in 2025. Standing ovation for basic hygiene.

Amazon CloudWatch pipelines now supports configuration of processors via AI AWS added ChatGPT to CloudWatch so you can use natural language to configure the log parser you didn't know you needed. "Free" AI that helps you rack up CloudWatch charges faster. Innovation!

AWS Neuron SDK 2.29.0 now available with NKI and Neuron Explorer out of Beta, a new CPU Simulator, and an expanded NKI Library AWS graduates "NKI" from beta because nothing says "we're totally winning the AI chip war against NVIDIA" like a Python wrapper with 47 acronyms nobody asked for.

Amazon SageMaker now supports multi-region replication from IAM Identity Center SageMaker Unified Studio now lets you replicate IAM Identity Center across regions, because apparently "SageMaker with SSO in multiple places" needed a longer name and three separate documentation guides to explain it.

AWS Transform custom is now available in six additional AWS Regions AWS Transform Custom: because "code migration tool" wasn't confusing enough. Now in 6 more regions where you can pay to fix the technical debt from your last AWS service that promised to fix your technical debt. Revolutionary!

Amazon Athena Spark adds support for AWS PrivateLink AWS announces you can now pay extra to keep your Athena Spark traffic inside their network instead of the public internet they also own. Because nothing says "security feature" like charging customers to avoid routing they control anyway.