Just read an article about all of our oligarchs and their increasing obsession with transhumanism. Is this the “trans for everybody” thing that Trump was bleating about in all those rallies? Because this one I’m not too keen on to be honest

Might save a life.

Do the French have a word about being physically intimate with someone and then afterward going to the bathroom only to be horrified by turning on the light and coming face-to-face with a blotchy, pink corpse in the mirror? Hate that.

The first thing I’d learn as medical examiner is how to identify icicle stab wounds. None of that locked-room-puddle bullshit on my watch.

Dear restaurants, However you decide to cook that bacon will be fine with me

The pandemic changed a lot of things, but I do like the fact that we all came together and agreed that pharmacy workers should get to have lunch.

Just…

I’ve decided that I don’t like David Attenborough. EVERYBODY loves the man, so someone has to step up and keep him in check. That and I’m jealous.

“It’s got the crunch with the punch..”

I’m starting to think that I might have an attention-span issue. It will feel so good to finally come out to my friends and family who will no doubt be shocked

I DO NOT LIKE being of an age where getting laid is viewed as "cute."

For the love of little baby Jesus, an immigrant CANNOT take your job. They can, however, be given your job by your very American employer. Get mad at the people making those decisions, not the people simply accepting job offers

I wish that Trump would post something shitty about me online. I would use it in place of a resume

Every election cycle the House of Representatives must be rearranged to preserve the isle between parties

If you’re reading this, don’t be reading this. Also, I love you.

Yes, I know I’m uncultured, but $.25 instant ramen is all I’ve ever had. I was excited to try fresh ramen. It was identical to instant but with a bit of pork and an egg. Is that to be expected?

Won't make it through another entire lap of Star Trek Enterprise, but I made it far enough to see one of my favorite bits of ST history. #StarTrek #StarTrekEnterprise

I misread “bluebells”

The restaurant chain Bibibop is to Korean food what Chipotle’s is to Korean food

I know it's old. Do not care.

Hooray! Taco taco’d!

This is great news seeing as how I eat 110 pieces of burnt toast every single day

Literally. It was literally her first guess.

The Apollo mission team carefully calculated the launch time so they could land during a full moon so it wouldn’t be too dark to go out

This 💯

Very minor point. You want to *send* them to the Stone Age, not bring them. Especially since being in the Stone Age ourselves would hamper our capacity for time travel

The one thing never credited to air travel is the laying bare of the knowledge that every major city has its own smell

If you or someone you know are experiencing a fried rice crisis, help is available. Together we can end the cycle of eating entirely too much fried rice, REALLY regretting it, then getting more fried rice the next day anyway.

Cthulhu lookin snatched

If you’re going to post to complain about the new Harry Potter series please take a moment to spell out the whole name. I keep clicking on shit to see who’s outraged about Hewlett Packard being transphobic. I’m not saying they are or not. It’s just confusing is all

Best railcar graffiti I've ever seen

Name an album you’ve heard in cassette

I’m going to order a big roll of those labels and have the best summer of my life

Shit. After decades of snickering at Randy people (fans of Ayn Rand) groaning about how giving everybody a trophy is undermining society…

Now that I think about it, it’s pretty ingenious. We will destroy the intelligence apparatus of our enemies through attrition.

Just saw "Roger Waters: This is not a Drill." Didn’t like it. I didn’t care for all the singing and I really miss Divine

Reposting hoping that ANYONE ELSE goes in to this imagining a bizarre IRL experience before figuring out it’s about social. Thank you, Norm for reminding me that I’m just really, terribly old.

All we have is each other. And I guess AWS.

i don’t like this painting in my hotel

TIL: Supreme Court Justice Alito was not the presiding judge in the OJ Simpson trial. That guy was named Lance Ito. Don’t act like you already knew. #TIL

Dear international news agencies, Please stop referring to Micheál Martin as “taoiseach” until at least tomorrow. I’m too tired to learn a new word today.

Happy International Women's Day. 🏴

LOVED the DelToro sexy Frankenstein movie. I did wonder how in all those corpses he couldn’t find a single intact face to use

If you're elected to high office, do you have to fill out a job application before you start? Do they make special W2s for when you're paid out of the taxes that you're in the process of paying?

I’m boycotting the SotU. I never planned to watch because it sounds boring as shit, but now it’s because of my very high principles.

Fazoli’s is just an Olive Garden with even lower self esteem

No one? No one is going to accuse this administration of taking enemies to court over “trumped up charges?”

If you or anyone you ever met were sent back to the mid 19th century, any human you encountered would absolutely be able to beat your ass

It’s the top of a strawberry muffin. It looks like cancer.

Please bury me in a nice suit rather than filthy, tattered rags. That way when the zombie apocalypse comes everyone will just assume that I’m in charge.