I mean. The only playoff game the Nicks lost… Then he calls FIFA to overturn the red card…

He really is looking for every little thing to corrupt. Not that FIFA needed a lot of help in that department but still. It’s like the goal is for you to enjoy nothing.

Glad I decided to stay home and do literally any other thing. Just finished a nice steak dinner and looking forward to an evening of not getting struck by lightning.

Newsletter! Thoughts on the reflecting pool, sausage-related punishment, a terminally upset groundhog and a reading of a special edition of the Declaration of Independence! Join us, won't you?

JD Vance is a rotten tree that bears bad fruit. I have not read Vance’s book, Confessions - I did not want to give my money to a notoriously sycophantic, hypocritical, gelly-spined blowhard - but he speaks on topics he knows nothing about all the time, so it’s only fair I get my shot. 🧵1/

Caveats about not being real Mexican food and all that, but I really do believe that the trashy hard shell ground beef taco, the one with the shredded cheddar cheese and iceberg lettuce, is a perfect food.

This makes me happy.

You laugh to keep from crying, but this was a good laugh. Well done!

JD Vance is a rotten tree that bears bad fruit. I have not read Vance’s book, Confessions - I did not want to give my money to a notoriously sycophantic, hypocritical, gelly-spined blowhard - but he speaks on topics he knows nothing about all the time, so it’s only fair I get my shot. 🧵1/

Never ceases to amaze, the kinds of things people say when they are completely disconnected from reality. Go watch any comedy. Also, this makes me question if he understood why The Office was funny in the first place. Michael Scott was not some anti-woke truth teller. He was the buffoon by design.

Wild ending.

PITCH: basketball slippers for the players to play in so that the sneakers don’t squeak and wake anyone up.

PITCH: a stadium concessions booth but instead of overpriced beer they sell warm milk and soft blankets.

PITCH: a stadium NOISE-O-METER but instead of pumping up the crowd it asks them to politely keep it down for any sleeping heads of state.

Am I… am I in time for the “Spencer Pratt-fall” jokes? You know? ‘Cuz he fell below Nithya Raman? Like a pratfall? Or has that been done already?

Thinking about voting Steyer just for the opportunity to bump Steve Hilton out of the final two. Although, “Governor Livingforgod Andcountry Demott” does have quite the ring to it….

Still thinking about Obsession two days later.

In which we grapple with Wealth's inability to stand up for what's right. Also, razor blades in the mozzarella sticks - what kind of restaurant is this?!

I know this is way way WAY down the list of things, but I feel like weather forecasting is broken and has been since DOGE. The weather app is completely a guessing machine. Anyone else, or am I imagining this?

Enjoyed this read

Love seeing all these Big Brained commencement speakers getting booed for their AI apologetics. Graduates may as well be getting these speeches from Claude for all they’re worth. Your degree, brought to you by kalshi. May the asteroid take us soon!

Praying for the people who lost their lives defending the Islamic Center of San Diego today. Something tells me that we won’t be seeing many calls to tone down the Islamophobia, but we should.

“I’m Mr. OnBlast and I’m here where they put the pictures” is the hardest I’ve laughed at SNL in a long long time. Good for Jeremy.

I like this person.

THAT’S what this is for? Decades of excruciating ear worm misery? For THIS? So much money that could have gone to helping people here….

RIP Barry, who taught me a ton. Gruff but a good dude.

My kid calls every food that he likes “bagel,” and honestly I get it. And he’s only ever had LA bagels! Can’t wait till he tries something from the east coast. Gonna blow his tiny mind.

Put it into your veins.

Oh man. The Tim Heidecker Alex Jones impression is choice. Holy shit.

New newsletter: an argument for more ballroom | Anglo-Saxon hijinks | a groundhog. "What is a ballroom good for exactly? The simplest answer: holding balls."

FINAL CHAPTER - the Revelations of Travis. "I see God and mammon worshiped together, for God has become mammon and mammon has become God."

Starting to think the Supreme Court might need a fresh paint job and a couple more seats….

Child had a meltdown over a package of sidewalk chalk. Who would have thought, a $1.99 purchase made months ago could cause such agony?

Hard to argue with this.

Don't worry* folks! Our Best Little Boy is on the case! *actually, worry.

Imagine that call to Matt Stafford. “Hey man, we’re about to punch ourselves in the face right now. Wanted to give you the heads up so that you can get a head start on worrying that we’ve collectively lost our minds. See ya for camp, Matt!”

OH WHAT ITS NFL DRAFT DAY?! Jesus, I’m out of the loop. This is traditionally the Detroit Lions’ Superbowl and I almost missed it!

Look: my problem with The Man in the Yellow Hat is not the hat. It’s the rest of the outfit. What is going on with the pantaloons? He lets Curious George crash with him, so clearly he’s cool. I have questions is all.

New Chapter - almost to the end! The Apostle Paul meets a "hermit" living in isolation who shares some dried fish and some wisdom with him.

May Tim Cook forever be remembered as Tim Apple, that guy who tried to bribe the worst man in the world with a gold plaque.

Habibi

Anyone else getting these new Army ads on their Spotify? “Hey mom! Having a great time in the Army! We’re going surfing!” WTF is this? Also… any recs for a good Spotify replacement?

More evidence that the backlash to bigotry is coming, when these guys have to start distancing themselves from themselves.

New chapter! "I have done nothing but try to promote you and your nonsensical message of love and peace. I think I am entitled to some sort of answer to my trials and tribulations, or even a miracle to help me out of this disaster in which I find myself now."

What is this? Accountability? In THIS country???

This is going to surprise him, but nobody gives a shit if Donald Trump likes the Pope. You want the Pope to get along with you? Stop doing so much evil.

I get people who are like “You’re American - you should want Vance to succeed.” But the things he’s trying to do are bad. Why should I want him to prop up a Hungarian dictator? Why should I want him ‘negotiating’ a peace treaty when he’s so clearly out of his element? He’s America’s fail son. F’em

If you can’t beat them, join them and/or also quit!

Oh cool. As long as we’re bringing back all of our old prejudices, we can revisit the Know Nothings. Hooray. Much easier that than dealing with the fact that much of American Evangelical Christianity is anti-christian.

My kneeeee hurts because a cooold front is coming - WHYYYY did I get so OOOOOOOLD?!?!