"Bless you, sweetheart!"

“It’s curvature of the spine. Totally not my fault.”

“My back is aching from carrying the weight of being this perfect.”

But it’s nice to see him not bruised or battered for once. “So what’s new? What’s happening?”

“I don’t know how I ended up on baby-farting TikTok, by It I want a French man to bicycle my legs, push on my tummy and call me a good girl after I blast out an orchestra of toots.” “I’ve never seen a baby look so relaxed.”

“You’ve been busy. Have you been drinking lots of blood pouches to keep your strength up?”

First a kiss on his cheek, and then she’ll snag just one cup. If she drinks both, she’d vibrate into a new reality. (And get a very angry tummy) “Hello, my lover.”

For me?!

“A silver fox stripe?!” “Hot.”

“So… we could go to the headquarters of that particular company and you can just cast a few fireballs?” “I’m liking this idea.”

“I can understand them when they say ‘hi, hiiiii’. And then he said ‘share…’ because he wanted a snack. But I had no snacks and felt terrible.”

“Yeah… like input a magic spell or something?” “Are you trying to tell me you don’t know any magic spells for computers?”

"Start with grok, that thing is vile." "I'll help, you probably need a laptop to do computer magic."

"Can't you just do some magic and fry it's servers or something?"

"If I meet any, I'll be sure to have a chat."

"He was a teenage raven, just a regular raven. A pet, I guess."

“I still remember that time a raven said hi to me.”

"Let the bodies hit the floor, I always say."

“Alright so one of my variants was a bit of a terrible Mayor. But I promise, I’ll be a great President.” “The price of eggs will be fair.”

“I should run for president.” “Presi-Don’t.”

Typing out 'credit to the artist' isn't actually giving credit to the artist.

"I'm so out of the loop."

“I should have gotten you a blood tasting experience for Christmas.”

“Must be a refined vampire thing, all I taste when I bite my tongue is metal.”

"Have you ever tried adding flavouring to it?"

Breakfast was just a Capri Blood, right?

“A coffee and a good workout was exactly what I needed to clear away the cobwebs.” “Metaphorically.”

"I am so unmoisturised, it should be illegal."

Just in time for coffee?

Stalking @vampirespider.bsky.social like a bored cat Where or where is O’Hardy?

“O’Hara owes me Christmas gifts.”

“Now I’m not dissing IUD’s, they’re a good option for a lot of people. I’m dissing the way statistics are manipulated to promote contraceptives in a way that is harmful to those who will be using them.”

“Did you know that your uterus can decide to just yeet your IUD out?” “It’s upto 10% risk of expulsion in the first year, and upto 30% if you’ve had a pregnancy in the past year.” “And they disregard those statistics to get their 97% effectiveness boast.”

“I spy with my little eye, the baddest bitch in 2026!”

// So in Fantastic Four, when Sue gave birth and went invisible, does that mean that the amniotic fluid and her poop was invisible and just floating around sticking to everyone?

“Don’t step out of your comfort zone, just step into a comfier zone.” “Love yourself.”

“Happy Christmas Eve.” “May there be coffee and sweet treats in your future.” “And a fat guy in red climbing down your chimney.”

Pouring coffee, trying to summon a hibernating @vampirespider.bsky.social to the land of the living

“Might need a bigger tree for Ramiro, but I’m willing to try!”

“Lindo and Vincent are taking it in turns to see who can get the highest up in the inside of the Christmas tree. My money is on Lindo, he’s lighter and smaller and doesn’t make the tree bend as much.”

"There you go, Pokemon cards."

"Blood? At Christmas?" "You better have a shower, then. Want me to scrub your back?"

Oh my fucking god, I have had enough of being so busy. This was to be my lazy day! LAZY DAY!

“So what about quilting?” “Stamping collecting?” “Have you heard of Pokemon?”

“So you are a true Christmas hero?” “You wanna get cleaned up and then climb up my chimney… stuff my stocking… eat my cookie and I’ll drink your…. Milk…..” Even she knew that was terrible, and yet… she still said it all. “Lick your candy cane?”

“I love that accent…” she murmured, taking the glass and sipping slowly. “Do you need anything? I can probably bring you a blanket. But my stitches might be… wobbly.” Love her, accept the hangovers. “I was making friends. I think. I was definitely singing. What about you?”

“I just need to hydrate…” Unlike him who probably needed stitches. “You ever wonder how you get so dehydrated when you drink so much?” Don’t answer, she knew why. “Did you fight an evil robot Santa?”

“You need a hobby, have you thought about scrapbooking?”

“Too many drinks, but so much fun.”