"I'm just one person, what can I do?" - 300 million people

There's an old German proverb: when the going gets tough, hide in a bunker and shoot yourself.

The only thing Greenland has that America needs is healthcare.

Happy birthday to Richard Nixon, now only the second most corrupt president in American history. Congratulations on the downgrade, Dick.

We've got one holiday left in the holiday season so welcome to the one week of the year when we can say "Happy Holidays" without someone getting their knickers in a twist.

Slapping your name on someone else's memorial is, if you'll pardon the pun, monumentally tacky.

Happy Boxing Day! Today's the day we all put on our boxing gloves and punch boxes. Or something. I don't know what Boxing Day is.

In 1957 Bobby Helms said "I'm gonna write the first rock n' roll Christmas song!" Then he sat down and wrote "Jingle Bell Rock," the single unrockingest song ever recorded.

What they don't tell you about the war on Christmas is that it's a defensive war. Christmas is clearly the aggressor here. They've already annexed Thanksgiving and Halloween is next if we don't remain vigilant.

I am the very model of a modern major appliance.

Has anyone ever attempted to take a test with a #3 pencil? What was the result? Were there arrests? Was an ambulance needed? Hazmat?

DEMS: We'll vote for a budget if you let sick people go to the doctor. GOP: Let us take doctors away from sick people or we're going to take food away from poor people.

Canada elected a Prime Minister with a PhD in economics from Oxford. Mexico elected a president with a degree in physics and a PhD in energy engineering. America elected a TV show host.

Remember remember the fifth of November when life was slow and oh so mellow.

This is neat! www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDOI...

Happy Halloween! www.youtube.com/watch?v=7R4A...

Los Angeles only has two weeks of winter. Not in a row, of course. Two or three days here, two or three days there...

"We built this machine to kill vampires, but it can also heal Superman!"

Revenge is a dish best served with garlic toast.

I've never understood the appeal of sandalwood. Subscribe for more philosophical insights!

"I've never wished violence on Charlie Kirk. Who do you think I am, Charlie Kirk?" - Frank Coniff

We're Gen X. We adapt to new technology like millennials but we'll still complain about it like Boomers.

The cast of Star Wars appears on The Muppet Show and they sing "When You Wish Upon a Star." This used to be three different companies.

The Gen Z/A kids are doing some great work on youtube but I got one word of advice: check your audio levels, kids! You put really quiet clips right next to really loud ones. Just go through shot by shot and make sure everything's even. Take a tip from a guy who mixes audio for a living.

The whole "Kubrick shot the moon landing" conspiracy is actually true but he was such a perfectionist that he insisted they shoot on location.

Do you like 4k? I've heard that people do, so here ya go! www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZsf...

I must speak in defense of the crows from Dumbo. Yes, they're horrible stereotypes, I understand that. But they're also the smartest guys in the picture. Our hero is mute, his best friend is comic relief and everybody else in the movie is an idiot. The crows are the only ones who know the score.

Movie premise: a wolf out on the prairie is shot by a hunter carrying an evil curse. The wolf is not killed, he's only wounded and he gets away. And every full moon he turns into a man. Just a naked man standing out on a rock in the middle of the night yelling "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"

Disney remakes: first they hire actors who can't sing, then they hire singers who can't act.

I love John Williams but I must admit I like Danny Elfman just a little bit better. John Williams is one of the greatest film composers of all time, but he was never in a ska band.

I'm the kind of guy who walks into a room and even though you didn't see me walk in, you're still going "what happened? Something weird just happened."

Today's the day we celebrate all the freedoms America used to represent.

Someone asked Gremlins 2 director Joe Dante if the Key & Peele sketch was true. Joe said "every word of it."

If you are a member of our patreon page then not only have you already seen the video we're premiering next month, you've also seen hilarious outtakes from it! Or you can stay here scrolling through bluesky like a dweeb. www.patreon.com/leepresson

"If you want to learn about a civilization, study its media." - Frank Zappa

I want to record an album called "What's With All These Goddamned Ukuleles?" I don't know what kind of album it would be or whether there would be a single ukulele on it.

The new LPN video drops next month but you can see it NOW if you're a member of our Patreon page! Please help me pay these guys! www.patreon.com/leepresson

"By nature I'm an experimenter. To this day, I don't believe in sequels. I can't follow popular cycles. I have to move on to new things, there are many new worlds to conquer. As a matter of fact, people have been asking us to make sequels ever since Mickey Mouse first became a star." - Walt Disney

- What do we want? - No nazis! - When do we want it? - Honestly like 80 years ago, there was a whole big thing about it

The new GOP slogan (thank you, Joni Ernst.)

There's an old German proverb: when the going gets tough, hide in a bunker and shoot yourself.

I'm always reminded of the Cranberries whenever I'm editing video and I have to, I have to, I have to let it render.

In 4k! www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtfq...

The biggest issue is the continued misuse of disused tissues.

Ever notice that the 2 types of people who enjoy pipe organ music are the religiously devout & mad scientists with world domination plans?