A recent government survey about government surveys of the government survey system has revealed that the people “don’t really care” about government surveys. More surveys are needed to confirm, after which voting can commence.

Due to more health tourists appearing this holiday season than usual, we will be dispatching staff to certain districts in order to dissuade visitors from purchasing certain “supplements” with a very specific set of side effects. You know which ones.

Why are we getting hit with tariffs? We are an isolationist nation. Americans cannot even grow jackfruit or breadfruit?

Government sponsored school textbooks will now come with scratch-and-sniff sections to enhance multisensory learning. Unfortunately, due to a printing error, all pages currently smell like either mayonnaise, guacamole and/or fish sauce. Please stay tuned for updates.

A concerned citizen reached out the other day to ask us what the recommended bed size for their new apartment was. We aren't Google, people! Sleep on the floor as your ancestors once did!

The domestic Mabanwo bapu (commonly known by its English mondegreens “lobapu” and “lofafu”) is a breed of fowl-sized Alektoriid. Commonly kept for meat and eggs, it represents an ancient Columbimorph lineage endemic to Salotum, where it is seen everywhere from backyard gardens to industrial farms.

Americans have to bring back direwolf… shameful… all glorious Salotian wildlife still lives and prospers.

A aum sits down on the steps of his apartment to take a smoke break away from his family. He looks across the street at a pair of teenage boys making a ruckus and scratches his neck in annoyance. He’s told them off a hundred times before in his mind, but they’re asking for another telling off…

Due to complaints of unlicensed buskers from the Tsumbalo Metro Authority, ukeles may only be purchased by certified musicians.

As a reminder: all natural gas deposits are managed and operated by government contractors. Private citizens should not, under any circumstances, attempt to enter facilities to make fart jokes, even if it would be extremely funny.

Citizens experiencing mild illness are asked to self-report using the government’s new wellness hotline, staffed entirely by unlicensed volunteers who are “very good at vibes.”

To make our bus networks more appealing, we hired an abstractionist to redo our route maps. All public buses will follow a “choose your own adventure” routing system. Good luck!

With a caloric intake in excess of 20,000 kilocalories every day, many brubafa tend home gardens to save on grocery bills and provide themselves with produce they can pickle. Fermentation is widely practiced to preserve food and maintain palatability in the tropical regions most brubafa call home.

In response to the recent uptick in feral cat roadkill incidents, the government will be installing “No Cats Beyond This Point” signage at all ports to discourage both vigilantism and new feral cats. We believe this will resolve the issue completely and permanently.

“Mangoes for sale!” Mangoes are a treat no matter the species! Many rural brubafa rely on staple crops such as mango, breadfruit, and coconuts, not only as sustenance but to make a living too. Here a paim reclines as afternoon sales lull and starts making some new skewers for the after-work rush.

We will begin broadcasting music in government offices to boost productivity; you are free to make suggestions for songs. Note: No Skrillex

The Salotian rhinoceros (Sphenorhinus acerus) has long occupied a contentious placement within the rhinoceros family tree. However, a landmark paper by Reyes et al. last year delivered a surprising verdict for the phylogenetic placement of these island rhinos. #salotum #specevo #worldbuilding

As facultative bipeds, most brubafa find it easier to walk on all fours. This necessitates a hand covering that is easily removable, yet sturdy & sanitary. Handshoes are one such solution, with findings suggesting they were first crafted over 140,000 years ago #salotum #specevo #worldbuilding

The Aputsum of Salotum have readily adopted many human customs since their island was opened up to the outside world in 1875. One newfound pastime is basketball. Though less stable on two legs, brubafa can still move rapidly and deftly in a bipedal stance. #Salotum #specbio #specevo #worldbuilding

Though nowhere near as expansive as human conflicts, brubafa warfare is well documented, particularly in Salotum’s Aputsum people. Rarely equipped in more than light armor, those of high status adorned their garbs with jewel beetles to further augment their opulence.

Brubafa are born less altricial than humans and gain motor skills such as walking within a few days after birth. For this reason, they can be quite a handful for parents and caregivers!

It’s very hard to dislike dogs! Although dogs are usually more responsive to human body language, they can form close relationships with brubafa nonetheless. Here, an older paim from Kerala proudly shows off her beloved “grand-dog”.

Welcome to the official Government of Salotum BlueSky account. In an era of misinformation and strife, we hope to use this platform to better educate the internet about our humble island nation. You can find our media brief below. #salotum #speculativeevolution #worldbuilding