This morning a 'parachutist was seen seen running away' in Warley Woods. We would like to allay any fears - we were simply carrying out army training exercises. Our council helicopter is broken so our paratroopers are trying to simulate a g-force effect, by 'running really fast down a hill'.

A *Christmas Miracle* has been officially declared in Bearwood, as a red Honda Civic on Lightwoods Hill has seemingly started to lay eggs! A leading non-divine theory put forward by skeptics, is that a local mechanic must have accidently fitted an 'eggshaust' rather than an exhaust.

Once every 25 years we are priviledged to witness the rare alignment of FOUR number 48 busses! This breathtaking spectacle occurred earlier at the St Marys Road crossroads. Several lucky 'Bustromoners' were present to watch the display through telescopes.

We are very pleased to announce the release of the official Bearwood Council 2026 Calendar! The calendar features various maps from our archives, as well as key dates and bin days (accuracy not guaranteed!). If you would like to print your own copy there's a link in the comments.

Our *Christmas Display Of The Week* is this creative re-imagining of the Nativity Scene, set, not in a stable, but in a garage in Bearwood (Bear-thlehem?).

We are currently putting together in information leaflet exploring the history of Bearwoods most famous megalithic monument. We would like to know, what are YOUR favourite myths or folklore stories surrounding Bearhenge in Warley Woods?

We have seen evidence that some of the extra 'agency workers' employed by Sandwell Council to help with essential repairs, might actually be soft toys. How did they think they could get away with this!

Christmas is the season of giving - and not everyone is lucky enough to have a piped gravy supply to their homes like Bearwood residents - so we've dispatched our iconic Gravy Christmas Truck on tour around locations in the West Midlands, to give the gift of gravy!

After visiting Bearwood, Father Christmas has decided that he actually prefers onion bhajis rather than mince pies. He has now embarked on a sherry-drinking binge with Michael Bearymore.

Yesterday, Baggie Bird attended the Xmas light switch on in Smethwick. We asked WBA why he wasn't also attending today's light switch on in Bearwood, and they said, it was "too close to the Birmingham border" and they "didn't want a repeat of the 2007 incident".

Want to count down to Christmas? Bob Shop in Bearwood features on this very special Advent Calendar! Behind each window is a searingly bright light and a chocolate shaped like an inflatable beach ball, water bottle, vape refill or Takis!

We are talking to our lawyers as we speak 😉

The hydrological effect of heavy rain collecting in pot holes on Bearwood Road has resulted in the creation of several deep 'plunge pools', which are proving to be a drowning hazard for pedestrians. To help mitigate the dangers, we have installed several 'lifebelt stations'.

STORM CLAUDIA: The latest shipping forecast is a warning of gales and rough seas today in the Gulf of Bearwood (Edgbaston Reservoir), as evidenced by this photo taken just now:

Roberts and Brain Funeral Directors have asked us to clarify that, contrary to rumours, they are not actually two laboratory mice disguised as humans, one of them isn't a 'genius', and the other isn't 'insane' and they have no current plans to 'take over the world'.

Every Tuesday, the staff at Pepe's Piri Piri chicken shop in Bearwood perform famous theatrical scenes from a mezzanine above the shop. Yesterday, customers were treated to a captivating rendition of Lucky's monologue from Waiting for Godot.

This week is your last chance to visit Bearwood's very own Dr Who Experience! Don't miss the opportunity to venture into the interior of the TARDIS (it's bigger on the inside!), Push the iconic 'Time Flush' handle, play with the sonic wipers! Gaze into the mirror of dimensions!

Following the WM Mayor's support for the creation of a 'Mercian Autonomous Region', the WMCA culture secretary has decreed that, in keeping with this, towns and cities should revert to their original 'Old English names'. A new version of the A-Z has already been produced with the updated names.

Of the 7 wonders of the ancient world, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon was the shortest lived at only 600 years. More modern wonders such as the Crystal Palace stood for a mere 86 years. By comparison, in many ways a more impressive structure, the Bearwood Tunnel lasted only 117 days.

As part of negotiating a new deal with our refuse collection service, we've agreed with them to resurrect a tradition from the 1960s... so this bin day, don't forget to SALUTE YOUR BIN MAN!* 🫡 Thank you for your service!

The opening of RPM Records, as well as vintage clothes and Pokémon trading card stalls in Bearwood Indoor Market, has led to an influx of hipsters to Bearwood this weekend. This has naturally led Time Out magazine to pose the question: Is Bearwood the new Shoreditch? 🤔🧔🕶

*sigh* this is the worst possible day for us to suffer a mass breakout from HMP Bearwood Evil Clown Prison.

Community Announcement: Now wait, just a meowment! Airfix Cats are now back in stock at Mr Models' shop in Bearwood. The highly sought-after, hyper-realistic model cats are sure to fly off the shelf and represent a must-have Christmas Purrrchase.

Sombre scenes in Bearwood as demolision work finished on the iconic 'CHEAP PAINT INSIDE' shop, gutted by fire earlier this year. For anyone who would like a memento of the shop, the owners are selling bricks from the building at £20 each! The perfect Xmas gift idea!

There have been several incidents of residents getting stuck in their green wheelie bins whilst trying to retrieve paper and card accidently thrown in. To combat this, we have begun installing 'panic buttons' inside the bins, so any unfortunately trapped people can easily call for help.

The Card Factory in have asked us to clarify this offer on their sign, after several people have come in and asked for inappropriate services: 1) This isn't a euphemism. 2) An N₂O refilling service is not being offered.

We are very excited to reveal our official *creepy* Bearwood Council Halloween display for 2025! Our 'haunted house' is located on Milcote Road, and you can visit it* from today! * You can't go inside, though. Just gaze at it in terror from the outside, from a safe distance^.

We have been made aware of some unfortunate sticker-based vandalism that has occurred in Bearwood today, which we* have been busy dutifully removing. Political intolerance has no place on our mysterious humming metal street cupboards. *Bearwood Council is an apolitical body.

We don't know exactly what the 'Edg Res Monster' is or what it wants, but your sightings can help us come up with a strategy to economically exploit the tourism potential.

You may have seen Bearwood mentioned on the BBC news website today. The sausage, which is being transported in a metal case, is set to be consumed by Bearwood Council at our Oktoberfest-themed local planning meeting tomorrow. It's definitely not a missile...

Due to recent seasonal fungi growth, several fairy doors in Warley Woods have been wedged shut, trapping the fairyfolk inside. This has resulted in some missed tooth collections and childrens teeth piling up in the street. The fae rescue service is currently working to free the magical creatures.

Looking for activities, now the nights are drawing in? Why not visit the famous Bearwood Illumunations for a magical free light show! 💡You can enjoy the experience by foot, car or by riding the no. 11 bus! 🎇Look out for awe-inspiring firework displays anytime day, or night!

Storm Amy has wreaked havoc in Bearwood. Reports include: •portaloo blown over at the circus. Jugglers and clowns are currently trying to free the man trapped inside. •baby blown away in Lightwoods Park. •mass bin upset.

Unfortunately, today's world record attempt by Lightwoods Support Group to build the worlds largest tower made entirely out of parking cones wasn't successful this time. The world record of 35 metres is still held by Dudley Council, built 2020 during covid lockdown.

As the circus is currently in town, we thought we should share this important message:

There's a lot of excitement about the circus currently in Lightwoods Park, so we thought we'd share some photos from the last time a circus visited Bearwood, way back in 2007:

Plans have been submitted to demolish the burnt-out Ex-Catalogue Direct Shop in Bearwood and build a new shop and flats. It's great to see the designs maintain the character of the previous building.

TERRITORIAL GAINS FOR BEARWOOD! The new electoral ward boundaries have now been published! • Abbey Ward renamed Bearwood ✊ • Bearwood gains territory to the north (including full length of Bearwood Road) ✊ • Previously-proposed territorial losses west of Pitcairn Road reversed! ✊

Notice to Residents: Last week saw quite a bit of recycling confusion, so make sure you get your right bins out this Thriday!

As part of a new £2million arts initiative, we have installed a public typewriter outside the British Heart Foundation to allow local residents to compose spontaneous poetry in case of sudden artistic inspiration.

Lightwoods House reportedly had to call in the Ghostbusters in response to a poltergeist incident in 1000 Trades OTP this morning. It's refreshing to see that the Ghostbusters have swapped their previous vehicle for something with lower emissions.

The introduction of a new recycling bag has been the catalyst for a cultural renaissance, with local residents creating poetry and artwork inspired by the new recycling regime! Here's a poem submitted to us by a local poet about the fate of Pringles Tubes in a system that has forgotten them.

Due to the popularity of our 'RecklessWednesday' scheme to regularly deactivate the traffic lights at the Abbey Road crossroads for one Wednesday each month to encourage more mindful driving, we have decided to expand the scheme to Sundays as well! #SignfreeSundays

Concerned residents asked us to investigate an apparent illegal all-night rave, being held last night at The Bear Pharmacy. The attending officer reported back to say the pills he was given disapointingly turned out to be Imodium, so he left feeling a bit deflated.

There has been some confusion over the upcoming changes in local bin collections, so we've put together this easy to understand guide to help:

With summer coming to a close, there's only a few more days to enjoy the wonderful Bearwood pop-up beach at Global Wines Car Park! 🏖️ Thanks to Bearwood Builders Supply for providing the sand 🥰

You may have recieved this alert today. If you go out, make sure you carry some extra large conkers in your pockets...

Bearwood Council is trialling a new emergency alert system on mobile phones for local residents. Here's what to do should you receive an alert this weekend:

Exciting times! You should receive your new blue recycling bag in the next couple of weeks. Here is a handy guide for some additional ways to use your new bag!

We have had to cordon-off a section of the footway along the high street, as the face of the gigantic wall of bottled water outside Quincey's Midnight Market has become unstable. We have already had reports of several walkers almost been hit by falling bottles.