Today is World Environment Day. Knowing where all the animals are in Bearwood is important. Knowing what the squirrels are up to helps us to quell any insurrection. Knowing where the cute foxes are allows us to deploy treats accordingly etc. etc.

Lobster are a fun ska-punk band hailing from Birmingham. Like lobsters they have long bodies with muscular tails and live in crevices or burrows on the sea floor. Ok that bit might not be true, but we did have the opportunity to interview them ahead of their appearance at the Bearwood Shuffle!

We would like to announce the launch of a cutting edge 'teletext' information service which will see Bearwood (and controlled territories) residents being able to receive current affairs, entertainment and sports news through their TVs!

The King's Heath Neighbourhood Forum, have told us that that consider the appearance of a BEARWOOD Shuffle poster on their notice board, as an Act of War.

We are proud to announce the opening of our first Bearwoodian Embassy in Ukraine, in the City of Kyiv. The reason the sign reads 'Beerwood' is because our embassy is also a hip hangout joint. Much cooler than the much more earnest Stirchleyan embassy opposite.

Friendly Fire Band are Brum Reggae legends! - and they're performing at the FREE Bearwood Shuffle festival in Lightwoods Park on the 6th June. Bearwood Council were allowed to interview the band (we assume the festival organisers were drunk when they agreed to this!).

There's been a recent trend of celebrities and influencers naming children after areas of Birmingham and the Black Country. In order to assist parents in choosing a prospective name we've put together this map to show which baby names we feel are acceptable and which ones are a big no no!

This fabulous crocheted scene on a postbox on Abbey Road depicts the famous battle of Rotton Park, a naval battle which took place in Edgbaston Reservoir in 1905, which resulted in the Bearwood fleet taking victory over the Birmingham navy.

STATEMENT: Bearwood Council has been accused of secretly spying on Dudley Council's cabinet meetings, in order to gather 'juicy gossip'.

In Bearwood we are continually working to crack down on pavement parking. The owner of this vehicle on Woodbourne Road was fined £180 and asked to attend a shabby parking awareness course.

While negotiations continue over which party (or parties) will run Birmingham, Bearwood Council, have, in the meantime, been asked to step in on a caretaker basis.

2026 marks 100 years since the military occupation of Bearwood by Birmingham, as part of the infamous Battle of Bearwood. The occupation happened during the General Strike when the Birmingham police force invaded Bearwood to take control of the Midland Red bus depot.

Large crowds gathered at Warley Woods this morning for the 'Green Saturday' plant sale. This annual fundraising event sees stampeding hoards of green-fingered shoppers eagerly jostling to buy the best Begonias.

A small hooded person has been found on Abbey Road. If this is your lost child, please come and collect them from our lost souls department Unfortunately we haven't yet ascertained their name, as when asked, they just responded with a high-pitched rodent-like chatter.

Happy 1000th birthday to Sir David Attenborough! Here's a photo of Sir David when he was filming at Thimblemill Brook in Bearwood in 1975 as part of a series exploring the natural wonders of the Black Country.

This majestic creature has made a mammoth two and a half mile migration from ASDA in Quinton, along the Hagley Road to its breeding ground in Lightwoods Park. Once mating is over, the male's purpose is over and it lies down to let death take hold.

Our public grape-pressing session today on Bearwood Road was a great success. With the help of the keen feet of passers-by we have pressed enough grapes for a substantial batch of our famous "Beardeaux" wine made with grapes grown at our vineyard behind TC Hayes Car Park.

It's Local Elections day tomorrow and Bearwood has a long-cherished tradition* of voters taking pictures of bears outside polling stations. This year we've decided to implement a points-based system:

Today's Murder Report: A MURDER HAS OCCURRED. Impressive murder today, with 86 crows present in a fairly concentrated formation in Warley Woods.

We've just finished decorating the maypole ahead of Sunday's Maypole dance. Bearwood is lucky to have the most high-tech maypole in the Midlands. Installed last year, the maypole emits a low frequency hum, which subconsciously draws people towards it on the day of the dance.

We have been made aware of a book series (and TV series) called 'Beartown', based around the antics of a hockey team in a small town. Clearly the town in the book is strongly based on Bearwood (with the author cleverly substituting our Chess team for a hockey team). Obviously we plan to sue.

The coming of a tram station to Bearwood has been foretold in many ancient prophetic texts, such as the holy West Midlands Combined Authority Sustainable Transport Bid (2021 AD), which states "Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Hagley Road Metro Extension cometh"

To clear up some public confusion, we would like to confirm: 1) There is NO such political party as the Bearwood Party. 2) Michael Bearymore is NOT standing as a councillor in the upcoming Local Election.

We would like to take this moment to remind residents that under the Treasure Act 1996 (England, Wales, and Northern Ireland) any pots of gold found at the end of rainbows in Bearwood must be reported to Bearwood Council, who reserve the right to claim it as Council Property.

Our Overseas Ambassadors have been very busy spreading the word of Bearwood through the medium of Independent Bearwood stickers. To celebrate the global reach of our area we are dropping off a pile of free stickers to the Craft Inn today.

The beautiful Shakespeare Garden in Bearwood is comprised of plant specimens mentioned in the works of Shakespeare. In exciting news, from this weekend onwards the gardens will also be hosting real animals mentioned in Shakespeare.

Rest assured, Bearwood Council have a firm plan in place should nuclear war break out this evening....

An Independent Bearwood (or should that be, India-pendent Bearwood) sticker has been spotted on a lamppost in the Indian city of Kovalam in Kerala. Our overseas ambassadors are doing some sterling work promoting Bearwood around the world!

Remember: 🔥If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen*🌡️ *unless your thermostat is located in the kitchen, in which case, you will need to specifically go into the kitchen, in order to reduce heat to a comfortable level.

In order to circumvent the oil supply issues caused by the current blockage of the Strait of Hormuz, we have begun allowing oil tankers to instead transport their cargo along the Birmingham mainline canal in Smethwick.

Yesterday saw the first Lightwoods Park Artisan market of the year! It was lovely to see all the stall-holders and visitors in good spirits despite the fickle weather. We are happy to report that there were no mysterious happenings on this occasion.

Mr Meatfingers, The Grey Lady, Emily, The Grey Mare of Thimblemill, The Demonic Topiary Rabbit. These are all otherworldly entities said to haunt Bearwood. We've put together this new guide to help residents and visitors navigate the supernatural landscape of Bearwood.

It appears that there's been some sort of mix-up as Birmingham Council contractors have seemingly installed a Welsh bilingual road sign at the junction of Sandon Road and City Road.

Once a year, our specialised highway team go and check Bearwood Road to make sure it is still there. The assessment involves poking the road with a special stick. If the stick meets resistance, then it means there is nothing to worry about, and we can all go happily about our lives.

Happy World Bear Day! World Bear Day, which falls annually on 23rd March, is a day designed to celebrate bears. In Bearwood, residents traditionally observe this day by going to school, or work in a bear mask.

This is why you should never put all your faith in superheroes. Quinton Man, has really let himself down here.

Well, that's fortunate.

We are very proud to be supporting the bid for Bearwood* to be named as UK Town of Culture. There will be a programme of activities, including a kitty boxing tournament in Global Wines Car Park, a rave in the Bear Pharmacy and the closure of Bearwood Road to hold a giant community hokey-cokey^.

Happy Spring Equinox. A fertility dance is planned to take place this evening in front of the giant demonic topiary rabbit. The event will also feature symbolic courtship dances between a spring maiden and youth, and energetic movements to activate earth's abundance.

With the sad passing of action star Chuck Norris, the title of 'world's toughest toughnut' is passed on to Danny G from Smethwick.

'Richie B' has publically shared his intention to shoot singer Dean Foley at 1000 Trades in Bearwood on Saturday. We do not know the nature of the quarrel between these two men, but our theory is that Richie (understandably) has a deep-seated hatred of Swing music and all who perform it.

Guerrilla artist Foka Wolf finally unmasked. The notorious Birmingham-based guerrilla street artist, whose subversive artworks have appeared across the world, has sensationally been identified as social historian Professor Carl Chinn.

Here's one for all the Tegestologists (beer mat enthusiasts) out there! We now have beermats! One side features a bear waving a flag, the other features information (and how to donate to) this year's Bearwood Shuffle. Keep an eye out for them appearing in a pub near YOU!

Following the success of the gothic Netflix series 'Wednesday', there has been a trend of parents choosing this as a baby girl name. However it seems a miscommunication may have occurred locally, with quite a number of people instead accidently naming their child after the town in Sandwell:

The rumours swirling around for a while now have finally been proven true, as Wetherspoons have confirmed their plans to take over The King's Head in Bearwood. As part of the plan, they will increase the height of the building's corner tower and relocate the toilets right at the top.

You may have seen various political party leaflets come through your letterbox in the lead up to the local elections. Obviously as an apolitical body we can't tell you which way to vote. But here is one such political party leaflet for your consideration:

This event is a real coup for Bearwood! The hardest man in Smethwick vs the hardest man in Birmingham in a charity arm wrestling contest at The Abbey! Former Albion manager Gary Megson, has reportedly agreed to compere the event, and every attendee gets a free jug of gravy on entry!

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When the electronic announcer on the x8 bus says "next stop, Bell End!" It's not clear whether they are simply announcing the name of the next stop, or rudely telling you to get off the bus at the next stop.

Birmingham Dispatch journalist goes on a Hunter S. Thompson style (presumedly LSD-induced) journey through Bearwood in search of snacks. The author describes how the carpet at the Midland tried to eat their legs, and how they saw lots of Parakeets descending on them while driving down Bapclay Road.