Meanwhile in Edmonton you get towels ordered four years ago and have to pay to watch preseason games and postgame content.

He looks like he’s about to demand Flotsam and Jetsam do his bidding

In all seriousness it’ll either have to be under 24/7 guard or they’ll have to hide the location. If they don’t, it’ll see more piss than a Roger’s Place sink.

MAGAS: “WELL WUDDABOUT *insert non Trump person rumoured to be on the Epstein list*” Look, I’ll make this real easy. If they raped children, bury their ass under the jail. Bury them face down. Without exception or remorse.

The funniest thing about the Isaac Howard discourse is all the fans of other teams losing their minds that he prefers to go by Ike. This is the equivalent of a dude named Johnathan saying he prefers John. This truly is not that big a deal, yall.

With all the Nurse drama going around, I feel it necessary to say: Don't get mad at players for signing contracts they're offered. Their agent's job is to get them the most money they can. It's the GM's job to decide if the ask is reasonable and make moves if they decide the answer is "no".

1) he’s right 2) I wish the Oilers would do something besides live their lives to the Sith’s “rule of two” (in this case, there must always be two highly questionable individuals employe)

End of a (dubious) era: Per Gregor on the Bad Place, Dustin Schwartz will not be the goaltending coach of the Oilers next year. Couple thoughts. 1) It's a long overdue change. No matter how good a coach is, messages and voices can get stale over time. New perspective was badly needed.

My idea of being rich is getting to a position where it’s 830pm on a Sunday and I’m dreading having to work tomorrow I can simply decide, you know what, fuck work, I’m taking the week off instead. Today is not that day… but someday.

The problem with really only being a diehard fan of one sport is once hockey ends my number of distractions is severely reduced - and rawdogging real life stuff right now is absolutely not it, because of *derisive gesture to the south*.

Curtis Lazar signs in Edmonton on a league minimum deal Another bet I really like. He's strictly a 4th liner now, but he's quick, solid defensively, can help the PK, and just a great dude. He'll help both on the ice and in the room. He's one of those guys that is good at keeping things light.

Mangiapane is a nice signing. I like him a good bit. Bring in Isaac Howard and some bottom six meat like Leason or Lauko and I think we're in business. Goaltending I expect will be a longer term fix.

“Oilers fans need to give Bowman time. Would you rather he did what Holland did today?!” If only there were options between “do absolutely fuck all nothing” and “slam your dick in a car door until it explodes”

Pretty sure Bowman is just running a thought experiment called “what if the Oilers didn’t exist” at this point

Kenny Holland being the GM of a team you hate is so much better than Kenny Holland being the GM of a team you love

The Oilers, between Arvidsson, J Skinner, Perry, and Brown, have lost 63 goals from last season’s roster. Probably another 15-20 if Kane was healthy. We go live to Stan Bowman to get his plan to replace them:

“Edmonton’s giving 50 million in cap to four players! It’s a huge problem!” It is a problem. Allow me to illuminate the problem in question:

Less like free agent frenzy tomorrow, more like casual free agent grazing

NHL free agency is going to be insane I think. There are more teams desperate for help that have cap space to burn than there are decent players available, and with the rapidly escalating cap some pretty middling guys are going to get *paid*.

I don’t know if John Gibson is/was the answer… but I do know that Skinner and Pickard aren’t.

Given current rumblings about the team and who's staying/going, your 25-26 Oilers look something like this right now: RNH-McDavid-Hyman Podkolzin-Draisaitl-Savoie Henrique-Frederic-Tomasek Janmark-Philp-Kapanen Ekholm-Bouchard Nurse-Walman Kulak-Emberson Stecher Skinner Pickard I'm underwhelmed.

Word to the wise: Turn off the clicking when you type on your iPhone. It’s an easy setting and provides no value. The people around you want to kill you. Source: me, in an airport lounge, wanting to kill someone stone dead whose audible typing is on.

Evander Kane going to the most dysfunctional locker room in the league is the funniest thing that could have happened

I AM CURRENTLY NEGOTIATING A TRADE DEAL WITH MY LOCAL DONAIR SHOP PEOPLE ARE SAYING IT WILL BE THE BEST DEAL EVER THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!! BANDAMA J IDIOT

Trump: you guys have a ceasefire now! Be good! Israel: *fart noise* Iran: *fart noise* Trump: I am very respected

One thing I appreciate about the Oilers is the consistency. They hired a veteran GM that inherited a good team and won a cup for reasons other than their ability to GM. When that failed, they hired a veteran GM that inherited a good team and won a cup for reasons other than their ability to GM.

The Oilers didn’t win the cup AND we’re all going to die in an entirely preventable nuclear winter brought about by an elderly madman egomaniac and… a different elderly madman egomaniac? This summer SUCKS. This is why humans should have an off button at 70 or so.

Everything I’ve seen from the Panthers win celebration makes them look like the lowest class collection of meth-rats ever assembled under one roof. I hope their bones spontaneously explode.

Edmonton did not lose a single game in the playoffs when they received .900 goaltending. 9-0-0.

You know One of the most pathetic things I’ve seen in sports is Flames fans forming an orderly line to slobber on Tkachuk’s balls after he pissed on Flames fans and Calgary by demanding a trade out. Have some dignity, Jesus Christ.

Evan Bouchard at 10.5 million on a 95.5 million cap: 10.99% of the cap Kris Letang, (2014-15 extension) 7.25 million on 69 million cap: 10.51% of the cap. You can absolutely win Cups with a defenceman like Bouchard.

“I don’t know if you can win a cup with Evan Bouchard” say NHL pundits after watching Evan Bouchard be a Stanley cup finalist’s best defenceman for the second year in a row

The incredible thing about the NHL “investigation” of the Kane LTIR is the predictability. As soon as a Canadian team did what American teams have been doing for a decade, they’re all over it. I’m sure the fact that we were playing the team Colin Campbell’s kid works for is a coincidence too.

*sadly removes full size replica cup from cart*

Darnell Nurse got scored on, on average, once every three and a half minutes on the PK these playoffs.

Moneypuck final goals saved above expected rankings for the playoffs: Bobrovsky +11.9 Skinner 0.0 Pickard -2.0

Something I’ve said over the years - good enough isn’t good enough. The Oilers have been “good enough” the last couple years. They added a solid 2nd pairing guy and a solid bottom sixer. The Panthers kept their winning team largely together and added a top line forward and a top pairing D.

I’m sure there will come a time where I look back on the last couple seasons and appreciate them, but right now, going 0/2 in Cup finals feels pretty shitty and I’m harbouring a fair bit of bitterness. Particularly towards certain management decisions.

Ah yes, pain

Considering everything, I would rather have gotten swept by LA than this.

This obviously isn’t all on Skinner, and the team is too depleted/injured/whatever to score apparently, but he came in with an .860 this round and that goal is an absolute spine snapper. Need someone else in goal next year. I’m done.

This must be what the 2nd best team from 1984-1990 felt like

That goal against is truly a hockey litmus test

I’m just a man whose mental health hinges on the Oilers winning two more hockey games this month

If we’re all going to die in WW3 can the Oilers at least win the Cup first please

Darnell Nurse had an XGF% of 1.67 tonight. That’s it, that’s the… bleet?

I’ve been let down by this team I’ve been disappointed by this team I’ve been embarrassed by this team But this might be the angriest I’ve been at this team. That level of execution in the first two periods was absolutely unacceptable. This is the fucking Cup finals. Where’s their best??

McDavid has one point in his last 10 periods of hockey. Get it the fuck together.

Anyone freaking out over the Frederic rumours of 7 years x 3 ish mil: His underlying numbers aren’t bad He’s only 27 He’s playing with a high ankle sprain The salary cap is projected to be 113 million by 2027-28 This is going to be the new normal for 3rd liners.

Best of 3 with home ice advantage. Get it done gentlemen 🫡