profiles in poetics: Denise Duhamel “How do we honor our mothers after they have passed? The person, the legacy, the body, after death? This interview is not meant to address the failings of motherhood, but rather, as Denise Duhamel states, “maybe Pink Lady is about my look at the female body—its…

belonging is about being seen and chosen - not assigned. - esther perel

i also miss environments where communication is music. i miss playing music with friends. it’s a completely different level of expression and communication. like riding horses. you can talk horse or you cannot. you can play music with someone and instantly become friends.

there can be no hierarchy between humans. but what is not love is not love. it is this simple. and when you know what is not love you do not need to react nor participate.

i do think that it is entirely different traveling to places versus living there. especially when english is not the common language. cultures are very different. i’m not so sure about portugal & intimacy. however i feel a very strong draw to the land and sea here. maybe the mukavetz’s were here

the evil witch mother torturing the children is an aquarius moon wound. I am no longer playing to this card, nor will i participate. and my mother is protecting me.

walks with leo asleep on my chest belém ajuda

Balance connection and separateness: Perel notes that true intimacy thrives from closeness and "otherness" and individuality between 2 people. The ability to see & appreciate your partner's separate existence is risk and unpredictability, which are necessary for desire and eroticism to flourish.

Validation and self-worth: When a partner responds to this vulnerability with validation and understanding, it strengthens a person's sense of esteem. It shows them that their inner world is not only seen but also accepted, helping to transcend feelings of isolation - e p

esther perel : "Into-me-see": Perel defines modern intimacy as a deep, reciprocal exchange of feelings and thoughts, where each person allows the other to "see" into their innermost self

profiles in linguistics: Frankie Rollins (II) “… We look at how we were raised, perfectionism, and the capitalist patriarchy of our environment through opposites. We encounter the absurdity of love and companionship. We find deep sorrow alongside deep celebration, and question “the mystery of…

leo is six months today - incredible ❤️

‘let us choose paints and mix them on the palette with no canvas before us to paint. … let us play hide and seek with our consciousness of being alive.” pessoa - the book of disquiet

cabo de roca, a favorite place 🕊️

was beautiful spreading a small pinch of sand of my mom. my body felt the grandness of it, but i’ve never been happier & felt more seen. even my fiddle teacher sees it, & she has known me since I was seven. this is the power of love in the face of shame.

‘shame has been called the master emotion because as it is internalized- all the other emotions are bound by shame.’ - john bradshaw

if all is well there could be enough time, but will have to see. better she okay, maybe go to the cliffs saturday if better but hope

we were planning to go to caba de roca to spread a little bit of my moms sand in the brilliant sun of the windy overlook. and then there were lillie’s and bella counting every where and instead we are at the vet. bella is not super sick but they are running blood work on her kidneys.

my tv just turned on by itself after i completed my website and now it is showing me the most beautiful places from all around the world in a google screen saver. leo is asleep nursing. my mom

today i wrote an interview of a book written about their mother nurse passing away in covid. at first i placed it aside but to all those i’ve written three in the ast two days and it is strength this week of my moms passing. the last question i wrote gave me goosebumps and i know, my mom is with me.

saint francis of assisi day is celebrated oct 4. one of my moms saints. i used for her prayer card & was the church of her funeral. her anniv is on the 16th. with leo there is such a soft tenderness now. i wish she was here but a feel her so warmly and it is love perhaps she always yearned to give.

would be so nice to play music with some old friends. 🥰 miss asia a little bit today. & fiddle baby leo is the best, & i still must play, for my spirit

meditation check in, great .. i love meditation with tm teachers .. the effortlessness & kindness & softness. agrudev 🙏

bell hooks on positivity & resistance

katie & i were also beerpong champions of korea on this day in 2012, & happy full moon in mars. & was the second time the mazda broke in 2021. wishing for peaceful fiery dreams.

this day today is the day i won my court case in thailand. just two years ago today 🌻

profiles in poetics: Maria Garcia Teutsch (II) “… In What She Saw in the Lotería Cards, we discuss the Loteria’s close historical origin to Tarot, Maria’s process and ritual, and the roots of her Mexican and Southern Gothic Heritage. Here we can see how syncretism works with her Mexican Catholic…

i will start my 30/40 tradition tomorrow - free this time. let’s see what will come. i need to speak with my mom. wish she was here

i wonder what leo should dress up as for his first halloween 🎃

it feels good to be lost in the right direction - is an excellent way of putting things

had my first tarot class on the moon decan with leo so good the whole time content in my lap. happy eclipse. so much to process & embrace.

spending some time with alice etched into the moss groves of sintra today

i just feel like finishing my original manuscript is apart of my transformation. i don’t mean to sound trite in the process, it’s been a long process. but yes just miss really close friends. ones without a hierarchy. i know time .. but it’s necessary for me & ale & leo & the world we live in.

that said i have always been very transparent even when my subconscious was against me. but now we are back closely knit & the thing is i do need secure relationships with my friends as much as my partner. so when i feel manipulation I choose a different direction. my transformation is mine

the things that i am most scared of i write in my original manuscript that remains unfinished. I can’t see where it needs repair- i need to print it out. but yes i wish o had more unconditional love closer. more people in my court that could give me wisdom rather than asking me to pay for it. more 💜

the footing is not as strong as I would like it to be & that hard feelings still hurt, the body remembers, and i will process those feelings and end that cycle because i can never go back. but i want to share my love and triumphs with people and community. positive support.

my dad doesn’t send messages he send a rare cute and i love you. i never received the love that i deserved. and now i am feeling this but i have no elders to protect me with their blanket. i have love but its feels far at times. I feel it so strong until people challenge it and then I realize

my dad doesn’t give me that. my closest parents are gone. i was reflecting on what a superpower this love internal love and how much more secure is the feeling. and realized why i crashed so hard in high school and what i have been longing for so many years

i was speaking to ale after our sintra day, we found this old tunnel hike between two castle bounds & found ourselves walking with the nossa and hustlers of signatures etched into the old castle walls. his mothers neighbor calls him son and was expressing how proud he was of us. but ive never met

my mother also wanted to become a nun, but then lost her v to p. i wrote about it. she became an artist and her best friend my godfather was gay. this was the biggest reason she left the church / because of my uncle charlie. - i wish they could be here to spoil leo.

homemade chai pear kombucha

wounds are complicated. keeping children safe is simple. and what of all the children inside of us. maybe i need to rewrite the beginning of my manuscript. i think i need an editor maybe, a writing buddy.

very excited to travel to nazare soon & visit family .. time feels strange atm . i sometimes wonder if it’s ever all possible to really be understood.

we need to protect our mothers.

i don’t think poems are meant to hijack our nervous system they can but it’s not sustainable nor healthy.

also, a good poem does not need to include fear. what if what you fear is the absence of fear.

why are we so angry with our mothers. what happened to mothers to want them to abandon. in my lineage what needs to happen. i can deliver messages from people who hate their mothers but what good is that for me. im a young mother and its never felt more right. so i mother your pain. but its not mine