Ladies- why are we still posing for photos like this? Stand up, girl. You're in the front because you won't block anyone in the back, no need to crouch. If your photographer can't take a decent photo, it's not because you're standing straight. This has always looked so weird to me.

Mama Cass was trying to tell us in 1972.... but please stay for this most beautiful version of this song (Also, Burt Sugarman sounds like a porn guy lol) youtu.be/bRe648clNjg?...

Walk-a-Mile in Someone's Shoes bill. • congress members start at $15 per hour •they get a 1% cost of living raise per year • they earn 1 hour of vacation time for every 40 they work • no stock trading • they have to purchase their own insurance through The Marketplace • term & age limits

The legality of bombing ships & people randomly, being murky, is not logical or believable. We need to start behaving accordingly to that

If you give a mouse an entire package of Cold-Eze, it will poop clear pellets There's a mouse that keeps raiding my desk but it's too small to set off the traps 🤬

I have a stupid question: Are you supposed to chew caviar or just gargle it down? The whole notion of it is repulsive. Keep your bougie vomit

My precious poopieschmoopie Sherman. He always sleeps under my working crochet project

Usha honey- do you need help getting out?? Send us a sign

Going to my sister's for the holiday... found myself in a pack of cop-like vehicles. Then I realized how close I was to the Broadview ICE facility and I got nauseous. What do we do with "I'm so sorry" "I didn't want this for you" "I voted for her"?? What do we do now??

Merry Christmas to everyone even the republic... jk... I hope someone remembered to wrap a gift for Jesus! It sucks having to share a birthday with a major holiday

Why does my Roku city say "Hi Carol" on the marquee?

If the president possessed an iota of integrity- we'd be able to find clear examples of universally-agreed-upon integrity. Instead they spend all their energy strong arming you into spinning your own narrative of his imagined integrity. I need you all to remember integrity w/out a qualifier

Am I just being more selective or was there no Starbucks Cup War On Christmas this year???

BREAKING: WATCH the full 60 Minutes CECOT segment here. This was sent to me anonymously. It appears to be the segment CBS' Bari Weiss killed. www.muellershewrote.com/p/watch-the-...

It's a weird feeling knowing that when/if trump deregulates everything & gets rid of all environmental protections, that big biz would absolutely do their worst, out in the open with a big 🖕🏼to all of us. Instead of just maintaining the infrastructure we already have.. because 🌍🌎🌏

You know, we could have just embraced renewable energy Instead we're attacking an innocent population for their oil. They're forcing everything on us including your opinions

In standard daily women news.... Man gets mad at me because he doesn't know how to do simple math. He asked me to (re)do the entire effort I already made for him, because he's getting mad at math. Instead of fishing for him, I taught a grown man how to divide by the antecedent

My mom: you just sound so happy lately! Me: oh.... no. I'm high as a kite rn 😶‍🌫️ At least we have dispensaries to medicate the horrors that persist AND I get a good nights sleep!

Remember when the presidential address that interrupts your TV shows was like the most annoying thing ever? We had it so good that we didn't give two shiny shits what he had to say. Laverne & Shirley were about to do something funny, come on man!!!!! And now.....

The U.S. is giving dying mall vibes. I can't explain it, but you know I'm right.

I think I would like the receipts of how Harris would have been worse than .....** all of this 🫴🏼**

Found a new muscle to pull!! Upper back of thigh. What a thrill this is. I could feel something snap & swerve. I DO NOT CARE FOR THIS! it's right about there ....

I still don't understand why we're all just sitting here watching everything happen Except for people harassing ICE. Keep up the good work, you're all heroes

Picture it: U finally found the person of ur dreams. The person who checks every box you ever had, & you are about to levitate w/excitement. They lean in to give you the most passionate kiss you're ever gonna have & just before your lips touch, your throat makes that creaky haunted house door noise

Elections have consequences. A man like this never belonged near the levers of power. Not the first time. And certainly not this second time when everything was knowable. We are trapped in a tragedy and must fight our way out.

1. Food 2. Gas bill 3. Electric bill 4. Rent 5. Credit cards 6. Insurance 7. Children Gtfo with these asshole accusatory headlines. There's no such thing as pinching pennies anymore. We live penny to penny

If you think about it- the Tylenol killer is responsible for the massive amount of plastic waste that comes from safety packaging. There was little to no safety packaging before him. As a direct result we got the sealed opening & soon after the added plastic wrap around the unit

Last Saturday I sat in the pedicure chair & it was a tad uncomfortable. Today, Wednesday the lower back pain is almost gone. Getting old is a BLAST

Men: did he say he needed help? Women: no I just noticed he was struggling

Crap. Yesterday was my mother's birthday. That marks the 4th time I've forgotten it. Birthdays are truly my Achilles heel. My kids are the only birthdays I don't get wrong. Even my husbands were victims of this. What is wrong with me??

Oh yeah- he never did release his tax returns did he. Remember how they were being "worked on" for public viewing for like 2 years and then we all just forgot? Let's not hold our breath about "the files"

Last week I went wedding dress shopping w/my amazing 1st born. Her stepmom, MIL, half sister & SIL were all in attendance. Despite feelings about the "new wife" I do appreciate how we all gasped in unison and squealed IT HAS POCKETS AWWWW!!! My friends- they're putting pockets on wedding dresses ☮️❤️

Who is the best relationship goal? 1) Gomez Addams (the Raul Julia version) 2) Jim Halpert (The Office) 3) Robin Williams from "What Dreams May Come" (he finds his sad wife in the afterlife to make her happy)

I loved Howie Mandell as Donnie Iris

Time for my annual reminder: If it's cold enough to see your breath ❄️, it's cold enough to see your farts 💨 Choose strategically.

I loved Eugene Levy as Donnie Iris.

For the love of god let this jackhole's other foot be on a banana peel

People who say "I don't believe in therapy" 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Trump keeps using words like "forever". Does this bitch know that amounts to about 5 more months for him? And that everything he's done can be undone?

Breakfast was mashed potatoes & warmed up focaccia. In what order I eat leftovers will be my biggest problem today. 2nd biggest problem will be picking a pattern for a new blanket to crochet. This is my nothing day where I recharge from the horrors of the world. It helps

My instinct is to say something terrible about the govt as it relates to Thanksgiving. Instead I will say how happy I am that my grown kids are here & they gave me this tshirt for my recent birthday. I can't wait to wear this at my male-dominated-industry job

"Rocket man" and "astronaut" have the same amount of syllables. But ok Elton, use the more poetic one or whatever Now you can't stop singing it with astronaut dubbed in. You're welcome

The time to "shop local" and get handmade/craftmade was last year. It takes a long time for one person to make one gift, much less "for the whole family". But definitely go to farmers markets & craft shows- all I'm saying is, don't burden a crafter now for this year- it's too late

I think Herr Twittler manufactured that little oopsie. He still needs that govt check but he does hold knowledge no one else knows & he did threaten to use it

Candace Owens & MTG (and all the other cnsvtve women) should take a lesson from Serena Joy losing a finger and realize the role they always had but thought they meant more to the establishment than they did. Did it hurt your bums when you fell out of the favor of terrible men? 🐊💦

MTG is quitting bc she knows rebelling will cost her. She needs to prepare for the onslaught of what's going to come out about her Neither of those "2 sides" have any moral high ground. It's like the worms acting superior to the other ground-dwelling bugs. Gimme a break w/this endless bullshit

Hey North Carolina...assume the worst with 🧊. Don't get stuck thinking what's right & wrong or what rules they should be following. They don't play nice- you don't play nice. Fight as hard as you can

Once you can see how everything is a construct, you can't unsee it everywhere, every minute of the day. Everything you see is a pointless fight. Borders & endless microscopic laws, capitalism, working to pay bills instead of living. I could go on. I want you to get it

Although the song was written more for Dubya, I think it still fits. Maybe too poetic for the 🍊💩 but a fitting message anyway. Go look up the lyrics to Dave Matthews' song "Everybody Wake Up"