Roses are red, Tigers have tails, I hope that your name Is not in the emails.

Trust fall office exercises, but working construction on a high rise building.

Is there a heaven for a mothman?

Olympics being the only time people give a shit about most of these sports, so you'll get people bragging about how great their curling team is, like it's some kind of high honor.

Reminder that you owe every single paranoid schizophrenic an apology.

Do you think South Park is gonna have a Looney Tunes-esque episode where it's Elon doing increasingly goofy cartoon shit to try and sneak onto Little St. James?

The number of spiders I've killed with my pants down isn't a lot, but it's not zero.

Are you there, god? It's me, that guy you fucked up.

What do Jeffery Epstein and a pack of hotdogs have in common? They both come in 8's.

Santa isn't real because I disbelieve in him so much he stopped existing.

Why the FUCK aren't you listening to Protomen act 3 RIGHT NOW?

Indonesia must have a lot of DJs. Every time I see them posting they're always scratching records like wkwkwkwkwk.

Anything is "weapons grade" if you shoot hard enough.

You can buy the whole orgasm BUT YOU'LL ONLY NEED THE EDGE!

Are you a Holtzman shield? Because I wanna put it in slow.

Final Fantasy 10 but Yuna summons and a large shirtless swordsman in board shorts holding a surfboard appears. Yohimbo.

Well so much for Carpenter Brut. Wonder what Deadmaus is up to these days?

Call me Spider-Man, 'cause I'll straight swing on a motherfucker.

Sometimes you just need the right decorations to go from "there's some whores in this house" to "there's some whores in this home".

I'm genuinely kinda scared how bad FF14 must've been for them to reboot it into ARR, because this shit is a fucking slog.

You're in her DMs, I'm in her attic. We are not the same.

My love language is LP, LP, f, LK, HP.

If you can't handle me at my worst, I'm sorry I swear I'll change please don't leave me, nobody believes I got a girlfriend and I need this.

Seeing former mutuals that have blocked me is proof my steez is far too powerful. My girth too mighty. My ropes too forceful. You knew what you were getting into when you boarded the train, and yet regret the price of admission. You thought you could handle the glue I sniff.

Old Native American man's family is dead. "I don't want to remarry, I just want to DETONATE FUCKING OWLS!" Click here to see more!

I can fix her, but she's no longer covered by warranty, so there'll be a fee.

The secret to my colorful language is all the crayons I eat. ;)

Fuck it I'm just gonna start reposting my shit from Twat here.

CIA contraceptives: MKUltrathins.

Indian vtuber that calls her fans "chaat". Hire me for all your PR needs.

My new years Red Dead Resolution is 1920 x 1200.

Year of the whores, you say?

How much of your own teeth do you think you've swallowed over your lifetime?

Christmas was super exciting this year, check it out!

Gay bar for Santa bears. Come rest ye hairy gentlemen.

For Christmas I got everyone at the dinner table an uncomfortable silence.

Remember to introduce your friends migrating here to my feed without comment. It is a good idea and they will thank you. Possible butt stuff, unsure at this juncture.

Imagine playing ZZ Top's "Legs" at a paraplegic's wedding. Haha. In unrelated news, I got fired from my job as an event DJ.

Square adding the Drakengard 3 OST to Steam and making a post about it's anniversary is pissing me off. Just fucking PORT IT GOD DAMN YOU.

Gogma balls lmao.

If I ever become a CEO, I'm gonna hire "no" men. People who's jobs are just telling me why my stupid ass ideas are bad and shit. Literally any pushback at all would automatically make every company better.

Apparently all the old Divinity games are getting a big boost in players, including that 10/10 pile of shit Dragon Commander. I hope they're miserable and enjoy it.

Dispatch was fucking robbed.

Korean horror series about a bunch of monsters that want to fuck their cousins. Sweet Home Alabama.

I want a youtuber who goes around rating docks on things like construction, sturdiness, aesthetic, location etc. I want pier reviews.

Bluesky added shading to the app icon and I fucking hate this. NOBODY WANTS DEPTH!

Where the FUCK is the MALEVOLA PORN?

Two sentence horror story: Pulling out your date's chair. She sits, and you hear a crinkle.

Me too, Krispy Kreme sign. Me too...

THEM HOES DEPRESSED, I'M NOT, I TAKE MY MEDS, THAT MAN IS IN DISTRESS, HE AIN'T GETTIN' NO HEAD! Dispatch is in contention for GotY and if you haven't played it, you're fucking wrong.