I have nothing but sympathy and hope for the Guthrie family as they plead for the safe return of their mother by whoever has abducted her. And we need to recognize that there are families our government has targeted whose pleas are identical and no less worthy of our support.

At some point he's going to say "Listen for the last time I was not part of all that Epstein stuff. I wish I had been, though, it sounds like it was a great time!" It will be like when OJ Simpson announced the book IF I DID IT, except this time the media will treat it like another Trumpian lark.

So ICE in Minnesota is detaining five year-olds and sending them to camps in Texas, where they might be killed by guards who claim it’s a suicide, and then found not guilty of inaction to save the child. This is the hellscape we are supposed to call a Great Nation.

ICE: "Stop calling us Nazis." ALSO ICE: "Let's do our own version of the opening scene from INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS."

I wish my cynical mind could just enjoy THE ODYSSEY trailer for what it is without being prematurely exhausted about the forthcoming posts claiming "The Shocking Way that THE ODYSSEY (2026) Connects to TROY (2004)!"

THREAD: In 1990, famed gossip columnist Liz Smith had been asking Donald Trump for two years to comment on the "other woman" in his life, only to be stonewalled each time about the identity of Marla Maples. (1/10)

The famous portrait on the cover of “The Art of the Deal” was taken by Michele Singer Reiner. We are all of us living in the fever dreams of Aeschylus.

On this day that FIFA honored a petty toddler as a scion of Peace, a soccer tournament my son was supposed to play in was canceled because too many families pulled out due to fears of ICE raids. I hope everything Gianni Infantino eats for the rest of his life tastes like old boot leather.

It’s not even the tenth worst thing about it, but I utterly abhor that DHS is referencing a story of compassion and extraordinary friendship to a complete stranger when they name their latest ICE abduction campaign “Operation Charlotte Web.”

The first cold snap and snowfall of the season and Greg Bovino decides to end Midway Blitz. Chicago sells like a zillion hot dogs a day and we've still never seen a bigger bunch of weenies than ICE and CBP.

I guarantee you that nearly everyone who kept angrily declaring that "Old Town Road" and "Cowboy Carter" couldn't be considered real country music have no problem at all with this.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WALMART. (This is real. I took the screenshots.)

Remembering how one of the amusing conceits of the BUFFY television series was that Halloween was when all the soulless demons and vampires actually took the night off.

So if the policy is supposedly that we’re catching all the child rapists and sending them to countries they were never from, at what point do we start deporting these evangelical leaders, like former Trump advisor Robert Morris, to the Darien Gap?

A reporter will ask a conservative politician why they were caught holding a bloody knife near a murder scene and they will say “nah-ah, that’s a gotcha question.” And then they turn around and yell ZOHRAN MAMDANI’S AUNT IS NOT HIS PARENT’S SISTER!

Have felt oddly compelled of late to watch clips from HELL’S KITCHEN, a show I never watched once while it aired, and I think it’s because I’m finding it cathartic to watch Gordon Ramsay scream obscenities at people and hold them accountable when they’re so clearly fucking things up.

Being a guy who is interested in both modern cinema and presidential history means that I have an odd, unexplainable feeling about the concurrent careers of two actresses named Mikey Madison and Maika Monroe.

We need to convince Trump that he doesn’t want to be king or dictator, but pharaoh. Then, when he dies, all of his servants should be entombed with him.

"You thought that patriotic video of our heroic President Trump was of him showering Americans with feces? That was the finest of chocolate mousse, served with benevolence and his unerring gourmet taste. Of course you woke communists don't know the difference." Hey, I can be Press Secretary too!

Every time Karoline Leavitt goes to a restaurant, she should be brought something she didn’t order. When she complains, she should be told “oh, we assumed you were lying,” before turning briskly and walking away.

What has become evident is that if an American city ever actually were attacked by hordes of violent gangsters, ICE are not by any means prepared — tactically, mentally, or physically — to handle them. If your city is invaded by schoolchildren, journalists, and clergy, though? LOOK OUT.

It’s impossible not to see the Nobel Committee’s selection of a pro-democracy, Venezuelan woman for the Peace Prize as a direct “Fuck Off, Donald.” Good.

What’s the over-under on how many weeks it takes before Trump learns penicillin began as mold, claims “nobody knew this before,” and starts to insist that it be banned for medical use?

The Chicago River just got clean enough for swimmers to use it and now they’re polluting it with the filth.

Saying you feel “vulnerable” on a stopped escalator in one of the most heavily guarded buildings in New York only makes it seem even less likely that you felt in danger the day you were almost assassinated. Not saying. Just saying.

GOP: “Stop calling us Nazis!” ALSO GOP: “Exterminate the homeless, lock up the transgendered, send undesirables to concentration camps, and criminalize dissent! All of which will be enforced by our secret police!”

"Charlie Kirk was a peaceful Christian man who believed we should have spirited debate with our political opponents. To honor him, I require that we commit widespread bloody violence against the evil, inhuman leftists."

What I believe: It’s possible to manifest hate in your heart and still be a good person. It’s not possible to *hold* hate in your heart and remain a good person. And regardless, the hate itself will never make you a good person.

"Nineteen Eighty-Four," by George Orwell.

Our government now routinely does things that would make us root for Jason Statham to break every neck in the room.

American Media: “Far-right Media Figure Ruffles Feathers” Australian Media:

So for the sake of stylistic consistency we should go back to every relevant chyron and revise them to read “Heterosexual white man kills X, wounds Y.” Right? Or is that story just too “dog bites man” now?

Enjoyable editorial comment from THE ATHLETIC today on the recent decision to move the World Cup draw and the relationship between FIFA president Infantino and Trump.

Dammit, LFC, giving up a two-goal lead and sending on an impact sub to win it at the death is NOT A SUSTAINABLE STRATEGY and also not great for my heart.

To be clear: The Trump cabal plans to exile to Uganda a man who they previously renditioned to El Salvador's most brutal prison before he faced any charges in court... ...after transferring the president's known associate, a convicted sex trafficker, to a more comfortable prison.

Against my better judgment I looked at the new Cracker Barrel logo and it instantly turned me into a trans athlete who thinks slavery was evil.

Remember: The goons bursting into the women’s bathroom to accost a woman have also been warning you that transwomen existing in similar spaces represent a mortal threat to others.

I don't spend much time with right-wing podcasts. Could someone with more experience clarify for me: Is there anything more to them than dudes asking questions with easy answers in the most demeaning tone imaginable and then leaning back like they'd just checkmated Garry Kasparov?

The first thing Putin and Trump will need to agree on is their safe word.

Remember when the MAGA base constantly yapped about "participation trophies"? And now this golden goon intends to give himself a Kennedy Center Honor to go on the wall next to his unearned Club World Cup, his totem Apple award, whatever Purple Hearts he claims soldiers have sent him, etc?

My favorite thing about the story of the big game hunter getting killed by the cape buffalo is the safari company claiming it was an "unprovoked attack," as if the act of stalking a cape buffalo to kill it for sport isn't itself an unprovoked attack.

My brain, every time a new headline about Dean Cain appears and I remember Christopher Reeves is no longer with us.

In one of the unmarked vans filled with mask-wearing stormtroopers, someone has suggested that these ankle monitors be redesigned so that they display some kind of colored shape. "A blue circle, or a purple pentagon!" they say. "Yellow star?" says another. "That's been done, Joe."

Hilarious to receive this email two hours after seeing this headline. Bravo, @microsoft.com!

Silver Lining: I'm looking forward to Stephen Colbert no longer being overseen by a cowardly corporate entity. Either the gloves will come off... or he'll start putting horseshoes in the gloves.

Since Rosie O’Donnell has lifted King Joffrey Baratheon back into the popular consciousness, it behooves me as a scholar of George RR Martin’s universe to make sure everyone is aware of King Aegon IV Targaryen, otherwise known as Aegon the Unworthy: awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/Ae...

Semi-regular reminder that ICE isn’t making self-congratulatory public statements about how many undocumented Irish people they’ve sent to their concentration camps. This remains off-brand Nazi bullshit and I’m tired of people with actual platforms not calling it what it is.

I think a lot about how our true-crime culture emphasizes that serial killers start with helpless animals. And how Kristi Noem was so proud of the time she handled a difficult puppy by shooting it to death. And how now she’s in charge of concentration camps and disaster relief.

It’s a hell of a thing to listen to the GOP going on and on about the need for work requirements on public aid as Ted Cruz is called out yet again for vacationing during a state disaster and Tiny Dictator prepares for another taxpayer-funded golf weekend.

"Alligator" derives from the Spanish "el lagarto." "Alcatraz" derives from the original Spanish word for "pelicans." So every time someone says "Alligator Alcatraz" we should apparently be screaming at them THIS IS AMERICA SPEAK FUCKING ENGLISH THAT GULAG OVER THERE IS LIZARD PELICANS!