What’s the over-under on how many weeks it takes before Trump learns penicillin began as mold, claims “nobody knew this before,” and starts to insist that it be banned for medical use?

The Chicago River just got clean enough for swimmers to use it and now they’re polluting it with the filth.

Saying you feel “vulnerable” on a stopped escalator in one of the most heavily guarded buildings in New York only makes it seem even less likely that you felt in danger the day you were almost assassinated. Not saying. Just saying.

GOP: “Stop calling us Nazis!” ALSO GOP: “Exterminate the homeless, lock up the transgendered, send undesirables to concentration camps, and criminalize dissent! All of which will be enforced by our secret police!”

"Charlie Kirk was a peaceful Christian man who believed we should have spirited debate with our political opponents. To honor him, I require that we commit widespread bloody violence against the evil, inhuman leftists."

What I believe: It’s possible to manifest hate in your heart and still be a good person. It’s not possible to *hold* hate in your heart and remain a good person. And regardless, the hate itself will never make you a good person.

"Nineteen Eighty-Four," by George Orwell.

Our government now routinely does things that would make us root for Jason Statham to break every neck in the room.

American Media: “Far-right Media Figure Ruffles Feathers” Australian Media:

So for the sake of stylistic consistency we should go back to every relevant chyron and revise them to read “Heterosexual white man kills X, wounds Y.” Right? Or is that story just too “dog bites man” now?

Enjoyable editorial comment from THE ATHLETIC today on the recent decision to move the World Cup draw and the relationship between FIFA president Infantino and Trump.

Dammit, LFC, giving up a two-goal lead and sending on an impact sub to win it at the death is NOT A SUSTAINABLE STRATEGY and also not great for my heart.

To be clear: The Trump cabal plans to exile to Uganda a man who they previously renditioned to El Salvador's most brutal prison before he faced any charges in court... ...after transferring the president's known associate, a convicted sex trafficker, to a more comfortable prison.

Against my better judgment I looked at the new Cracker Barrel logo and it instantly turned me into a trans athlete who thinks slavery was evil.

Remember: The goons bursting into the women’s bathroom to accost a woman have also been warning you that transwomen existing in similar spaces represent a mortal threat to others.

I don't spend much time with right-wing podcasts. Could someone with more experience clarify for me: Is there anything more to them than dudes asking questions with easy answers in the most demeaning tone imaginable and then leaning back like they'd just checkmated Garry Kasparov?

The first thing Putin and Trump will need to agree on is their safe word.

Remember when the MAGA base constantly yapped about "participation trophies"? And now this golden goon intends to give himself a Kennedy Center Honor to go on the wall next to his unearned Club World Cup, his totem Apple award, whatever Purple Hearts he claims soldiers have sent him, etc?

My favorite thing about the story of the big game hunter getting killed by the cape buffalo is the safari company claiming it was an "unprovoked attack," as if the act of stalking a cape buffalo to kill it for sport isn't itself an unprovoked attack.

My brain, every time a new headline about Dean Cain appears and I remember Christopher Reeves is no longer with us.

In one of the unmarked vans filled with mask-wearing stormtroopers, someone has suggested that these ankle monitors be redesigned so that they display some kind of colored shape. "A blue circle, or a purple pentagon!" they say. "Yellow star?" says another. "That's been done, Joe."

Hilarious to receive this email two hours after seeing this headline. Bravo, @microsoft.com!

Silver Lining: I'm looking forward to Stephen Colbert no longer being overseen by a cowardly corporate entity. Either the gloves will come off... or he'll start putting horseshoes in the gloves.

Since Rosie O’Donnell has lifted King Joffrey Baratheon back into the popular consciousness, it behooves me as a scholar of George RR Martin’s universe to make sure everyone is aware of King Aegon IV Targaryen, otherwise known as Aegon the Unworthy: awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/Ae...

Semi-regular reminder that ICE isn’t making self-congratulatory public statements about how many undocumented Irish people they’ve sent to their concentration camps. This remains off-brand Nazi bullshit and I’m tired of people with actual platforms not calling it what it is.

I think a lot about how our true-crime culture emphasizes that serial killers start with helpless animals. And how Kristi Noem was so proud of the time she handled a difficult puppy by shooting it to death. And how now she’s in charge of concentration camps and disaster relief.

It’s a hell of a thing to listen to the GOP going on and on about the need for work requirements on public aid as Ted Cruz is called out yet again for vacationing during a state disaster and Tiny Dictator prepares for another taxpayer-funded golf weekend.

"Alligator" derives from the Spanish "el lagarto." "Alcatraz" derives from the original Spanish word for "pelicans." So every time someone says "Alligator Alcatraz" we should apparently be screaming at them THIS IS AMERICA SPEAK FUCKING ENGLISH THAT GULAG OVER THERE IS LIZARD PELICANS!

When an official says "taxpayers wouldn't pay for it," they mean "we repeatedly told taxpayers it was wasteful and/or fraudulent, and never once suggested it might one day save their lives and those of their loved ones."

You have to appreciate the GOP consistency: No matter what has killed several children, the way to prevent further similar disasters is to pray about it and do nothing else whatsoever.

In their rush to defend Trump calling Jewish bankers “Shylock” Fox and Friends will invite a few right-wing college professors on air to start referring to Zohran Mamdani as “the Moor.”

It's par for the course that the @nytimes.com would report Trump had engaged in a "charm offensive" of handing out swag to holdout legislators as if we didn't already know every handshake came with an implied threat of political attacks and stochastic terrorism.

Look, the only reason I’m using “Alligator Auschwitz” is because we shouldn’t concede to the regime’s branding of the camp as any kind of lawful prison. I know the analogy isn’t perfect. The point is that this facility is a CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY.

For over half my life the Republican Party has been this: “I need healthcare.” “You don’t deserve it, so we will make it as hard to obtain as possible.” “I want a machine that can liquefy a child in three seconds.” “That’s your right! We will work tirelessly to remove all restrictions.”

See, I think it would be absurd to demand that every Jewish-American politician be forced to release a statement of dissent every time an Israeli minister or journalist said some version of “empty Gaza” or “occupy, expel, settle.” But I’m funny that way.

In a better timeline, we would have appreciated her more.

Somewhere in hell, Richard Nixon screams at his tormentors SEE SEE I TOLD YOU IT WASN’T ILLEGAL. The fiend with the jagged, venomous dagger pauses for a moment, looks into Nixon’s pleading, hangdog face. It yawns and resumes its labors.

I don’t know, friends, maybe we really should be afraid of a Muslim mayor of a major western city, because when London made the mistake of electing Sadiq Khan in 2016 they only liked him so much they reelected him twice.

So after an extended whine about how he’ll never win the Nobel Peace Prize I guess he decided he might as well War.

As an experiment: I suspect one might be able to unnerve at least a couple of the ICE stormtroopers by calling out to them "JOHN! IS THAT YOU?"

Terry Moran had to take this statement down because his news outlet has all the spine of a deep-sea anemone. I don’t work for his news outlet. Neither do most of you.

"Did ya see it on TV Or in your own backyard Gate's LAPD And they called The National Guard Then the tanks came rolling down Sunset Boulevard And I hear America snoring." This song is 33 years old and even when the references are dated the sentiment continues to echo. youtu.be/oMjQavy10pY?...

Pete Hesgeth — who wants to rename the Navy ship that honors Medgar Evers, a WWII veteran who landed on Omaha Beach — is using that same beach for a photo op in which he promises we will “never forget” the veterans there. What an unbelievable asshole.

I don't like that Kilmar Abrego Garcia's reprieve from CECOT comes with human trafficking(!) charges but at least it means (a) the Trump regime has to make an actual case (b) in front of the public eye with (c) some of the worst fucking attorneys the federal courts have ever had to tolerate.

For now, I would prefer the leader of a Terrorism Prevention task force to have been — at the barest possible minimum — alive on 9/11.

Sec. Kegstand could have ordered the renaming of the USS Harvey Milk at any time since taking office. He specifically chose to do so during Pride Month because he needs everyone to know JUST HOW MUCH he hates the gays. I guarantee you he used to throw rocks at songbirds when he felt bored.