20th century warfare killed an already dead god

went to the toilet at the pub && some lady pulled up on me like

hey they let me on this flight just to mog on people..does that seem strange to anyone else?

u ever see the airplanes w the big foreheads ??

emphysema

think I'll fuck around and get depressed this winter

oh, sorry, didn't see you there – I was skeeting!

why do hooligans always hang out under bridges? what's under there? can I come?

I'm helping my Italian housemate with his english. Last night I taught him about "cheeky little bastards" and "shenanigans" dm me for more sage advice

had a glass of wine && bought health insurance tonight. what'd you get up to?

listening to mitski for the first time – this shit is 𝓡𝓸𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓬

Don Toliver channels 2016 central florida iykyk

do u think they'll let me into alpha male boot camp

craving JetBlue airplane food rn (not spons)

I once got dumped over a tarot reading how's everyone's weekend going?

I can't believe capers exist like --

here are some autumn colors for all 8 of u today

oh, my toxic trait? I do the NYT puzzles before bed at 1a every night

all my friends are in that jort cutoff drip 😩

using my omnipotence in sims to make all bathrooms carpeted

thinkin' ab the gables rn how's your evening going?

yea idk this Jeff Buckley guy is pretty alright

3am substack.com/@itsyourrdad...

some swans tried to pull up on me gang style so you already know I skibidi bopped on outta there

salted tomato & chill? I'll bring the pepper mill 🫦

don't worry kitten, I brought some blue cheese for you 💋

plucking my eyebrows provides me the same catharsis, I imagine, as bonsai pruning

oh, me? I'm rockin' that Ryomen Sakuna drip 😌💅

I found out the hard way that double jumping is not a physically viable mechanic

I wish I had a beard so I could dye it fun colors idk

chicken soup is just wet chicken never forget that

I don't even care about beating the diabetes allegations anymore 👺

god I love mixing drugs (cheddar cheese) with alcohol (literally anything else)

sometimes I look confused and..it is because I am confused

I'm the kid with vaseline on my nose and a ginger root in my bag 😌💅

gyat!

agriculture is the original sin

I legit just figured out who John Malkovich is holy heck

*emotionally climactic moment of a movie wherein empathetic supporting character dies* my auntie: y'all wrong for that..y'all didn't have to do my boy like that..live on, forever

sweater weather is a great song & I will comfortably die on this hill

ain't no one coming between me & my maduros 😤

sticking my leg out from under the covers night just bc I welcome the extra company

this is my new friend. could you spot him a $20? he's good for it, I swear

new party trick unlocked: telling people your medical history

yea, I mean, I'm just a girl w a bag on my head

they should add a vienna sausage block type in the next minecraft update @mojangstudio.bsky.social

yoda quotes that didn't make the directors cut: "daddies little whore, I am" "fucking love it, I do" "ride me"

I think we need to start slut shaming more founding fathers

taken up elevator button licking as a hobby lately