I need someone to love me

I need to purge all of my thoughts its starting to go wrong again

I miss my mom

I hate him so fucking much holy SHIT I HAD ONE GOOD CHANGE AT A GOOD IMPRESSION maybe they wouldn’t known I was fundamentally wrong a person but noooo texted once when crashing out and I immediately lost my grip and they Don’t even get it how stupid are they

Why can’t they just hate me just say something mean to me I want them to push me away how hard is it for me to get what I want why cant they hurt me

I think the way I was made is just wrong. Why would be like this? What’s the purpose of me requiring more? Am I doomed to be lonely because of how I am?

I think I’m just made to be a bad person

I wonder if I’m unlovable

I’m still pissed off at the coward, he knows how much I went through and how much effort I put into changing, how cowardly and lazy are u refuse to do the same and actually talk to me

I’m supposed to be trying to sleep but I’m so pissed off at them holy shit I’m so glad we’re not friends anymore because how dare u pretend were friends just because ur too scared to just tell me ur bored of me!! Because obviously u will, just look at u, ur sssooo much better than me and all

I hate being myself everything I do makes me feel sick and I feel like I have to play pretend 24/7so I don’t upset people

I’m gonna lose my shit my classmates keep being annoying and I ta pissing me off how hard is it to just be quit for a second and not get in my way I hate that they won’t stop touching me I don’t lkke any form of psychical touch just stay 5 ftaway from me

I’m doomed to go through the same thing over and over again and it’ll never go away I’ll always be overwhelming I’ll always be anxious over very thing it has no point

I’m so tired of being like this I’m tired of no one ever telling me anything

I feel tricked and lied to why do people keep finding me overwhelming I hate being too much and then they randomly disappear and they fucking blocked me too I canr ask for anything why do they not communicate with mecwhtac did I do to deserve all of rhis

I can’t sleep I’m scared

If they were gonna leave why do so much for me

It’s never enough why do I try

I hate this I trusted them it was a proof that I could actually have friends long term but no they leave they all leave

I can’t do this shit I’m actually gonna lose it and no one is there I can’t leanxonc anyone they’re both gone I don’t know what to do I want to feel numb I haters this I can’t eve n bring myself to hate him

They lied to me yet again snd i cant even be mad about it instead I get mad at myself for being too much of a pussy to do anything

I would be so much better off if they were gone I fucking know what they think of me I know they talk about me but I csnt even do shir about it

Why am I even still trying atp

I hate it why won’t they just tell me I know what they’re thinking

Theyre straight up lying to me they think I’m gross and disgusting they said if themselves it creeps them out I creep them out theyre just refusing to say it

No one can help

I just know theyre tired of me

Am I not interesting enough for others??? Is that why they left is that why they stopped caring why am I still the only one trying when it’s obvious they donr need or want me to I want them to just straight up tell me to leave or tell me that they hate me just stop doing this I’m afraid I can’t

I’m actually so tired I know what theyre all thinking but I can’t say anything like I can see them pulling away or avoiding me and stopping responding but I can’t say anything because they’ll know something’s up and I can’t talk about how I feel to anyone I’m not that close with ABD it’s upsetting

DIY lobotomy time

In doing it again I fucking know it I’m gonna do it again i hate it so fucking MUFH

This sucks ass so bad I genuinely csnt do shir because of the trip if I do anything they’ll know and they’ll ask questions

They don’t. Trust me. They don’t I just know it

And of course they didn’t remember I should’ve expected it

I’m gonna explode I’m being prevented from doing stuff to make myself feel worse what the fucm

If she keeps talking I’m banging my head against a wall