They lied to me yet again snd i cant even be mad about it instead I get mad at myself for being too much of a pussy to do anything

I would be so much better off if they were gone I fucking know what they think of me I know they talk about me but I csnt even do shir about it

Why am I even still trying atp

I hate it why won’t they just tell me I know what they’re thinking

Theyre straight up lying to me they think I’m gross and disgusting they said if themselves it creeps them out I creep them out theyre just refusing to say it

No one can help

I just know theyre tired of me

Am I not interesting enough for others??? Is that why they left is that why they stopped caring why am I still the only one trying when it’s obvious they donr need or want me to I want them to just straight up tell me to leave or tell me that they hate me just stop doing this I’m afraid I can’t

I’m actually so tired I know what theyre all thinking but I can’t say anything like I can see them pulling away or avoiding me and stopping responding but I can’t say anything because they’ll know something’s up and I can’t talk about how I feel to anyone I’m not that close with ABD it’s upsetting

DIY lobotomy time

In doing it again I fucking know it I’m gonna do it again i hate it so fucking MUFH

This sucks ass so bad I genuinely csnt do shir because of the trip if I do anything they’ll know and they’ll ask questions

They don’t. Trust me. They don’t I just know it

And of course they didn’t remember I should’ve expected it

I’m gonna explode I’m being prevented from doing stuff to make myself feel worse what the fucm

If she keeps talking I’m banging my head against a wall

They’re pretending they are just saying it to make me feel better about myself

If smh bad happens today kms

I don’t feel happy

I want someone to be nice to me but I know it won’t really help

Lobotomies seem really fun right now

I need someone to talk to me I need some to remember me I need people to know I exist

I feel. Disconnected. Nothing really matters I’m just here for no purpose

I hate this body why am I not allowed to feel was I made wrong is this a punishment

No one will care no one will remember about me why did I. Surround myself with people I did it to myself

I feel clingy

Why can’t I be sad without feeling pathetic like I straight up wanna cry for no reason but it just makes me embarrassed

I actually hare walking it gives me too much space to think if I don’t keep myself occupied I go back to the bad stuff

I want it to be tomorrow already everything feels monotone I can’t remember everything that happens I just automatically do it I hate it I hate being here

I’m getting worse again and it’s making me psychically sick I know everything will get worse and it’s gonna be my fault

I fucking knew it I always did I need to stop I need to stop everything because I know my efforts don’t matter I need to stop caring because it didn’t affect anyone besides myself I can’t let myself get attached

I need to eliminate the problem

I’m tired I don’t want to deal with him or any of them what am I doing atp

I’m gonna fucking throw u p I’m psychically shaking and I ca. Feel my fingers dmvoing numb I’m this fucking close to a fucking panie attack two softblocjed me and one blocked from the bcg fandom I know it’s funkcji related to him

It’s just like Mtbe yeah before everyone is leaving and it’s his fault it’s al because of him I didn’t do anything why is this happening to me

I feel sick my head is spinning I want to throw up I hate it I hate him

I hate him so gucking much I hope everything that happened to me happens to him it’s all his fault if shis faukt this is hapoening I fucking know it

I fucking hate him so much first overview then that one guy now it’s fucking lux who blocked me it’s all his fault he must’ve talked to them he must’ve done this I haven’t been in contact with him for over a year and he’s still ruining my life how fucking dare he what did I. Even do