Garry Myrwold
@honeybunny123.bsky.social
📤 6
📥 13
📝 26
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
about 1 year ago
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
about 1 year ago
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Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
about 1 year ago
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There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
about 1 year ago
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I wish I could Google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed.
about 1 year ago
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Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.
about 1 year ago
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You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
about 1 year ago
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Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
about 1 year ago
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You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
about 1 year ago
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You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
about 1 year ago
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Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
about 1 year ago
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Is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
about 1 year ago
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Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
about 1 year ago
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Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
about 1 year ago
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I`ve eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another.
about 1 year ago
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I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
about 1 year ago
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There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
about 1 year ago
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When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
about 1 year ago
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FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court.
about 1 year ago
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Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
about 1 year ago
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If there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
about 1 year ago
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I’m cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
about 1 year ago
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Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
about 1 year ago
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I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s.
about 1 year ago
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No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
about 1 year ago
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We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
about 1 year ago
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